Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
So I’ve been with this guy now for over 5 months. And he told me last night he wants me to have more of a social life or time for myself, which is fine because I agree to an extent...
But part of me can’t help but feel a little rejected in a way.
We have drastically already cut down the amount of time we spend together from 5-6 nights a week down to 3. Which has been a good thing as I had to wake up at 2 am to drive to his place when he got off work then go back to bed in order for me to go to work at 8 am. So I’ve been getting more sleep.
He mentioned that he would like to spend more Saturdays with his friends and his hobby. And that he wants me to have social things for me to do as well. Which I see his point, but sometimes I’d like to be included in his hobby/ friends you know, not every time but sometimes. Which when I talked with him about this he didn’t agree nor disagree about.
Plus with us only having now the weekends to see each other (we work opposite shifts during the week). I feel even more conflicted in a way. Yes, I want him to have his own things but I’d like to still be important as well in a way or feel that way. Which conflicts me even more because I’m working on not seeking validation from him.
Plus I’ve noticed he’s been kinda distant the past couple of weeks. Not affectionate over text and not very affectionate in person. Plus our texting has gone down quite a bit as well. Overall our communication has sucked tbh. Our sex life is not as passionate either. Which I know this could all be because the honeymoon phase in our relationship could be passing.
We still talk about the future on occasion. About moving in together and possibly kids. He tells me he enjoys being with me.
But I’m just afraid things are starting to dwindle or fizzle out with us. I really like him and like being with him.
-
Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
-
Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
He may be the type of person who goes whole hog into the fantasy and then can't maintain the distance, the time, to complete the relationship. Then it mixes in with your neediness and tendency to get upset, have anxiety, and overreact.
The rejection you feel has to be unpacked by you if you want to change or if you want to see the forest for the trees. Which means taking the time to think, think, think. What lies beneath your rejection?
If you can do this unpacking, you may start to see the things in this relationship that are not healthy for you. You will also see things with clarity and not from the fantasy. This is the only way we can grow as humans and live emotionally healthy lives.
Stop chasing him. Have social things to do so that you are not always available. Sleep in your own bed during the work week. Find your self value and self worth within yourself. Don't initiate text messages or call him every day. Let him chase you. Don't see this as him rejecting you but as you reclaiming your own self worth and self love no matter what he does or thinks.
It seems he likes some independence for both of you within your relationship... I think this is normal for a lot of people actually ... Another hug sweetie... I hope that it works out as you hope for.....xo
the other thing is didn’t he just ask you to make things official on Valentine’s Day? Talking bout moving in and everything ?Now he’s telling you he wants you to have a social life and wants more space ? That’s a little weird considering he just asked you to be his girlfriend and talking bout moving in together .
In my experience, when someone starts to dictate how many days a week we should spend together, it usually means he is just not as interested as I am.
Of course, I don’t know you at all, I don’t know how busy your life is outside of the relationship.
I am super busy and I hardly have any free time.
I guess if you want to keep him, don’t make yourself available all the time. Maybe spend 1 day a week with him so he looks forward spending time with you instead of making you feel like you are too much.
In any case, right now, don’t make him a priority, because he doesn’t deserve it.