Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I have never been lucky with love my entire life. i spent 6 years in love with a guy who was mean, cheated, lied... and i finally managed to stay away from him in march 2014.
earlier this year i met someone else at work. he showed interested in me, we used to talk a lot and text. we used to work together. at first i didn't really want to have anything, because we worked together, and because i didn't trust men at all, but i finally gave up.
like 3 weeks after we met he asked me to be his girlfriend. i was a bit shocked because we barely knew each other, but i just thought hey i never get to land a boyfriend anyway, so i thought i would give him a chance.
the first month was okay. he was caring, did nice things for me, gave me a lot of attention, tried to please me, and i eventually fell in love with him.
we have been together 6 months now, nearly 7. and things totally changed. he is constantly at my place. he tried several times to make me move in with him and his mom and i refused. i need my own space. hell, i feel trapped at home with my own family, imagine living in his mom's place.
but anyway, he is always here. like he comes and goes whenever he wants. the place we worked at closed, i got unemployed and he was lucky to get a job. so, according to him, i cannot go out when he is at work cause it is disrespectful. like going to the beach for a couple of hours, he yells at me and makes me feel like i'm doing things wrong.
intimacy is worse. he is selfish. he usually approaches me for sex when he wants, but hardly kisses me or anything. just does his part until he is done and does not care to ask if i liked, or anything.
this man sleeps at my place, eats here, watches tv, i normally stay awake until 2-3 am that is when he comes home, to give him dinner. he is not capable to give me a kiss, a single little gesture of affection. last night, after ignoring me for days, he comes home, didn't even kiss me or anything, and hasn't for a week, and comes up with "are you gonna suck on it or not?" ... i was shocked and got offended. then he laughed and said he was joking, we went to bed, he told me "hey i have a hard on"... i ignored it, so he rolled over and slept. this morning, he left for work without saying anything, just left... and had the nerve to text me at noon to ask me to bring his lunch LOL when i have to take at least 2 buses to get there..
i was pissed and refused. then he started to verbally abuse me again. he normally does this. when things don't go his way, he yells at me, goes fast with the car when he is driving, throws things.
he never laid a hand on me, but he verbally abuses me. and i once had to get in between him and his mom or i thought he was going to beat her.. so if he can beat her, it's a matter of time until it turns to me..
i want to leave him but i am scared. scared of what he might do. when we fight he threathens to leave, and i'm like go ahead, hoping he will, but usually next day he is back, with sweet talks and pretending like nothing happened.
help! any suggestions on what i should do?
earlier this year i met someone else at work. he showed interested in me, we used to talk a lot and text. we used to work together. at first i didn't really want to have anything, because we worked together, and because i didn't trust men at all, but i finally gave up.
like 3 weeks after we met he asked me to be his girlfriend. i was a bit shocked because we barely knew each other, but i just thought hey i never get to land a boyfriend anyway, so i thought i would give him a chance.
the first month was okay. he was caring, did nice things for me, gave me a lot of attention, tried to please me, and i eventually fell in love with him.
we have been together 6 months now, nearly 7. and things totally changed. he is constantly at my place. he tried several times to make me move in with him and his mom and i refused. i need my own space. hell, i feel trapped at home with my own family, imagine living in his mom's place.
but anyway, he is always here. like he comes and goes whenever he wants. the place we worked at closed, i got unemployed and he was lucky to get a job. so, according to him, i cannot go out when he is at work cause it is disrespectful. like going to the beach for a couple of hours, he yells at me and makes me feel like i'm doing things wrong.
intimacy is worse. he is selfish. he usually approaches me for sex when he wants, but hardly kisses me or anything. just does his part until he is done and does not care to ask if i liked, or anything.
this man sleeps at my place, eats here, watches tv, i normally stay awake until 2-3 am that is when he comes home, to give him dinner. he is not capable to give me a kiss, a single little gesture of affection. last night, after ignoring me for days, he comes home, didn't even kiss me or anything, and hasn't for a week, and comes up with "are you gonna suck on it or not?" ... i was shocked and got offended. then he laughed and said he was joking, we went to bed, he told me "hey i have a hard on"... i ignored it, so he rolled over and slept. this morning, he left for work without saying anything, just left... and had the nerve to text me at noon to ask me to bring his lunch LOL when i have to take at least 2 buses to get there..
i was pissed and refused. then he started to verbally abuse me again. he normally does this. when things don't go his way, he yells at me, goes fast with the car when he is driving, throws things.
he never laid a hand on me, but he verbally abuses me. and i once had to get in between him and his mom or i thought he was going to beat her.. so if he can beat her, it's a matter of time until it turns to me..
i want to leave him but i am scared. scared of what he might do. when we fight he threathens to leave, and i'm like go ahead, hoping he will, but usually next day he is back, with sweet talks and pretending like nothing happened.
help! any suggestions on what i should do?
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
huge tits and ass.. makes me feel like the problem is my small ass and little breasts :(
He is a jerk.
Kick him to the curb and don't look back!!
If you had a good friend that was telling you this story, what would you suggest to her? You say, why are you even tolerating this for one more second.
It's YOUR place. You can tell him to leave. Get a restraining order, change the locks, call the cops if he starts acting up. Have a friend or two with you when you tell this to him. Do not invite him over to to tell him. You end it in a neutral place. If he has stuff over at your house, tell him you'll box it up and he can have a friend pick it up, not him. Whatever you need to do, do it, quick, decisively and with complete strength and control.
he does suppermarket shopping sometimes (hey it's the last he can do, since he stays here for free) and leaves stuff at the fridge, obviously my brothers or anyone at home eats, and it drives him mad..
he doesn't ask, he demands, and now he wants to be bossy in my own house. he is rude at my grandma sometimes, keeps telling my brother to leave the computer...
i want to leave i just don't know how. i am afraid he does something. my friends know all of this and constantly tell me to leave.
i have some texts with him threathening me, and i made some screen captures of whatsapp conversations where he also abuses me verbally... i'm just trying to keep some kind of proof.
he is mentally instable, my fear is that he does something to hurt me, anyone i love, or himself...
This man is a looser and he will never treat you the way you want and need to be treated. Sounds to me like he takes advantage of you often and is trying to control you and there may be some abuse starting too.
Please leave him and work on yourself! You are far to preciouse to be with a man like this and deserve the best . Dont settle for anything less.
Talk to him like an adult, say "This isn't working out and I'm afraid you're going to have to leave. Please collect your stuff in the morning and take it with you."
If that doesn't work, resort to the more harsh, parent dealing with a child Aronia method.
You obviously seem to be someone who wants to please her partner. Some people are pleasers and some are receivers.
The perfect balance IMO happens when pleasers learn to receive and receivers learn to please. It creates the best situation.
By pleasers learning to receive I mean that let's say your man went out of his way to do something and you say: " omg... This is outstanding, you should have done that... " and then you go out and do something 10 times more selfless than what they've done. For example - a guy makes you dinner and then you go and clean his whole house and do his laundry. No. No " wifey" stuff until you are actually living together and paying bills. ( idk if you actually
Do this, but this is just an example)
A person who knows how to receive will say : " This is so great! Thank you. I love it. Let's do this again soon" or something to this effect.
The first statement message is : " I don't deserve this". The second statement message is :" I am worth it and this is how I deserve to be treated".
Hidden messages literally set the tone of the relationship. Pay close attention to how you receive from your men. Let them know carefully, that the pleasing behavior is needed and expected and anything less will NoT be tolerated.
He is already past this point. He knows that you WILL tolerate his demands for pleasing and he continues to act like an ass.
This has to be stopped.
You are not a slave. He will respect you more if you cut this off. ( I personally wouldn't give a flying s--t about his respect towards me because he would not even have a chance to show me after what he did)
he then got back home after work and talked to me like nothing happened. he also didn't eat out, he waited until he got home and ate whatever i had on the fridge. he heated, ate and washed dishes afterwards. i was on the couch, and continued to be..
we don't like together. like i said before, he stays in my house a lot, like he has clothes here, underwear, his computer, etc.. and he sleeps here maybe 5-6 days a week. he only goes home on sundays to be with his mom...
he does not pay bills here. he ocasionally pays for supermarket, which i think it's fair, since he is using electricity for free, hot water for free, etc.. and these all come out of my pocket.
i have been giving him silent treatment, only speak the necessary and he is doing the same. i'm hoping on sunday he will go home and then i will let him know i do not want him to come back..
With someone like this guy, you must be assertive and unapologetic when ending it. Being polite to him will send a passive message and he'll exploit that. You are not required to be nice to him.
He treats you like shit. You owe him NOTHING.