Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I woke up around 6 this morning with text messages from a number I didn't know that included screenshots from my boyfriends Facebook account. I personally don't have a Facebook, so to be honest, I never know what's going on there. The screenshots were of his relationship status being listed as single and a picture where a friend had said "you really need a kid" and him responding "haha find me a candidate."
The only actual text was "I thought you'd want to see this" and "I'd say you're being hidden." I responded to the number twice, but they aren't answering anything back.
I'm kind of freaking out. My boyfriend and I live 2.5 hours away from each other, but he's here almost every weekend or every other weekend. Getting a message like that when you're in the same town as your SO would be bad enough, but when they live a distance away...insecurities kick in maximum overdrive.
I'm trying to keep my cool and not talk to my boyfriend until I've calmed down a bit. I don't want to jump the gun and accuse him of anything, but my emotions are running a bit high.
I can personally say in regards to what this person was suggesting, this was my behavior on Facebook before I got rid of the stupid thing:
-I didn't mark that I was in a relationship. It's not Match.com and I didn't like people having the ability to check my status. Also, if you do happen to break up ad change your status, it broadcasts to your news feed. Now a very personal challenge has become public knowledge.
-I avoided posting pictures of SOs and I together. (I still have Instagram and do the same thing). There are shady people out there, I unfortunately know a few, and they will intentionally hit on a boyfriend because if he takes the bait, it boosts their self-esteem. HES CHOOSING ME OVER HIS GF. I'm not hiding my boyfriend, but to me...I'm protecting my personal life. He's my personal life. I'm always happy to talk about him, probably annoyingly so, but I don't post it on the Internet. I don't want to jump to calling him an asshole for "hiding" me when I essentially do the same thing, although neither one of us has mentioned the topic. To be fair, he has posted a pic or two of us on Instagram, something even I haven't done.
-The find me a candidate thing could be me overreacting, but it stings. We've been together 8 months, this is not new. Having a bit of a hard time rationalizing that shit.
This is either someone trying to hurt me or help me, I don't know which. It's probably someone we both know, that's knows me enough to know that I don't access Facebook. Long distance is hard...throwing things like this at me at 3 IN THE MORNING so that I wake up to it is really fucking me up.
I know I need to talk to my boyfriend about it, but I need to cool down and collect before I do that. Don't want to go in guns blazing just because my emotions are running high. Help me :(
The only actual text was "I thought you'd want to see this" and "I'd say you're being hidden." I responded to the number twice, but they aren't answering anything back.
I'm kind of freaking out. My boyfriend and I live 2.5 hours away from each other, but he's here almost every weekend or every other weekend. Getting a message like that when you're in the same town as your SO would be bad enough, but when they live a distance away...insecurities kick in maximum overdrive.
I'm trying to keep my cool and not talk to my boyfriend until I've calmed down a bit. I don't want to jump the gun and accuse him of anything, but my emotions are running a bit high.
I can personally say in regards to what this person was suggesting, this was my behavior on Facebook before I got rid of the stupid thing:
-I didn't mark that I was in a relationship. It's not Match.com and I didn't like people having the ability to check my status. Also, if you do happen to break up ad change your status, it broadcasts to your news feed. Now a very personal challenge has become public knowledge.
-I avoided posting pictures of SOs and I together. (I still have Instagram and do the same thing). There are shady people out there, I unfortunately know a few, and they will intentionally hit on a boyfriend because if he takes the bait, it boosts their self-esteem. HES CHOOSING ME OVER HIS GF. I'm not hiding my boyfriend, but to me...I'm protecting my personal life. He's my personal life. I'm always happy to talk about him, probably annoyingly so, but I don't post it on the Internet. I don't want to jump to calling him an asshole for "hiding" me when I essentially do the same thing, although neither one of us has mentioned the topic. To be fair, he has posted a pic or two of us on Instagram, something even I haven't done.
-The find me a candidate thing could be me overreacting, but it stings. We've been together 8 months, this is not new. Having a bit of a hard time rationalizing that shit.
This is either someone trying to hurt me or help me, I don't know which. It's probably someone we both know, that's knows me enough to know that I don't access Facebook. Long distance is hard...throwing things like this at me at 3 IN THE MORNING so that I wake up to it is really fucking me up.
I know I need to talk to my boyfriend about it, but I need to cool down and collect before I do that. Don't want to go in guns blazing just because my emotions are running high. Help me :(
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Frankly I don't think the person who sent you that is doing it to help you. I think they're doing it to grt him in trouble. Why, not sure.
Your bf could've just posted that comment as something to say to a stupid post. Does he talk about wanting children?
If it were me, I'd try to find out as much as I could before I went to him with anything. That way, you won't have to just take his word, or the person who sent the screenshot's word for it. It could just be someone trying to cause trouble, or he could be hiding things and lying. I hate being lied to. Do you trust him to tell you the truth?
I hope you're able to get some answers.
I also don't think he is doing anything wrong..., but the status would probably upset me too.
When I don't want people hitting on me, I let the world know that I am unavailable out of respect for my man.
I would calmly talk to your BF....Somebody is trying to start crap
I think he answer to having kids was being funny and the single may have been up for a very long time but I would just let him know that someone is sending this for a reason that I don't think is about helping anyone
Big hug ... I hope things turn out well....xo
He said he hasn't changed his status on there in years. I understand that. He offered to change it if it would make me feel better but then he opted to just delete Facebook altogether. I didn't ask him to do that, but it's probably for the best. Hell, I deleted mine a couple years ago and have never missed it. He said he's more disappointed that he won't have anything to scroll through anymore while he's waiting in line lol
His reason for posting not posting pictures was about the same as mine. Keep your personal life personal. He even said "but I've posted pics of you on Instagram!" This area wasn't really a huge concern for me, but he got me there. I haven't even done that.
The comment was a joke. He used to work with the girl and she has a couple of kids and he just fired off a fast response. Fact is, neither one of wants children. He said if she had responded after that, he would have nipped it in the bud because the parenting thing is in neither of our futures.
I'm certainly not angry at him. He said he really appreciated that I called and calmly talked to him instead of just going off the deep end. At the end of the day, we care a lot about each other. Do I think it's a little silly that we are 29 and 32 years old and people are still doing stuff like this? Absolutely. I'd love for us to be done with this distance stuff, but I think we're going to be just fine.
His response of "find me a candidate," is telltale, not flippant, when he is already courting a candidate. The correct response would be "(your name) and I aren't thinking about kids yet," if he's authentically into you. I don't care how long his status has been on fb. He uses it everyday, and you're telling me he doesn't realize it says "single?" I agree with you, state nothing at all, and give no information, rather than state your status as single on fb.
The fact that he said he may know who it is, yet didn't give you any details, is a huge red flag. The fact that he kept his cool and thanked you for not freaking out over this, is another red flag, and so is his willingness to delete fb, while saying he doesn't know what he'll do when waiting in line, poor baby, that's a massive red flag.
Whoever it is that sent you that, knows you, knows you're not on fb, has your number, knows him, knows what he's up to, and sent you proof, because they want you to know and see what he's up to. I'd say it's probably someone who likes you and doesn't like what he's up to and wants to warn you, or someone he's dated and shafted and wants to out him.
Now that he knows that someone is trying to out him, he'll be uber careful about his transgressions and go underground with it. I'd do a lot more investigative work, dot your i's and cross your t's before putting this one to bed. Take this from someone who for numerous years, believed all the nonsense and pitiful deceptions, because we had a great connection, until I tripped over a smoking gun.
Keep your eyes open and try to achieve your eventual goal of no longer being in a long distance relationship. And I know a lot of facebook deleters, or non updaters who's status just says single after 20 + years of marriage and 4 kids with a massive mortgage and what not.
8 months is not 8 years so there may well be many people in his life that he is just facebook friends with who wouldn't know of your existence yet. Maybe his comment was flippant and even hurtful but without the balance of negative experiences in your actual relationship, I think breaking up and giving him a hard time over this will be very counter productive.
Wish you the best.