Get fucking mad. I mean it. Anger can be a motivator to finally have enough. I grew up with an alcoholic father. The whole family is sick when that happens. Don’t raise your kid like that. You can’t control him so you take control where you can, which is getting yourself healthy for and your kid. The worst part of growing up with an alcoholic father was worrying about my mom. That constant vigilance is really hard on a little kid. Kids are so perceptive.

I understand what you mean to get angry, that would make it easier, but I don't know if I would be over coming anything by pretending to be mad when I'm honestly heart broken. I know what the outcome will eventually be, so I know that I will have to leave and i have started preparing for that( packing small things and stashing bits of cash). It breaks my heart in knowing that my dream of a family with him is becoming a nightmare and the love to has for him , the way she acts when she sees him. I feel like I'm taking that away from her. But I also know that if I stay and let her continue to see him stumble all over the place and let her hear all his pathetic excuses for why he still drinks, how a couple beers at night isn't hurting anyone. And how there isn't a problem with cocaine, oh, it's not a hardcore drug, there nothing wrong with it ,that kinda crap. I keep talking and talking and talking, but gets no where, the more I talk the more excuses he has to get drunk. He is passed out again right now, it's every weekend. He doesn't get it, or maybe he does, just doesn't want to change it. But I do understand that it's unhealthy for a little girl to see and hear what we talk about and see the outcome of our converstations... I'm heartbroken

I too grew up with an alcoholic father, and I can absolutely understand your desire to protect your daughter. My parents had 9 kids and my mom could not leave - just couldn't financially or logistically or emotionally. The end result is a TON of emotional and psychological baggage for each and every child. Some deal with it better than others. Some are alcoholics themselves, or worse. I remember being about 9 when I understood what was going on. My mom was mixing a water martini (no alcohol) for my dad and I asked her why. She said he's so far gone he won't even notice. That's the only thing she ever mentioned about his drinking. I don't have any memories of my dad being home after work and not being drunk. I'm damaged because of it, I can say that for certain. Please leave sooner rather than later. My heart breaks for you and your daughter.

Yeah, I was a little younger than that when I started being mediator between my parents when they would fight, sometimes physically getting between them. I’m 53 years old and thinking about that still gives me a lump in my throat. My dad was rarely home too but when he’d come home that’s when all he’ll broke lose. He’d quit once in awhile, for a few months and it was so great but there was always the dread, waiting for it to go back to normal, normal being drunk, never home, not being there on Christmas, forgetting to pick us up from somewhere.

My mom was sad, too because all she ever wanted was a traditional family. The reality is that sometimes we all just don’t get to have that. So we make family in a different way. I know you are sort of mourning in a way. I just can only speak as an adult who grew up in that, and it messes you up for the rest of your life. You work through it, you manage, but you always feel not quite right. Relationships are harder, loving yourself takes more effort, trying to avoid situations that are not healthy but you try to fill what’s missing so you do stuff you aren’t proud of... the list goes on.

I say anger because that’s actually what eventually got me to set boundaries with my dad as an adult; sad wasn’t doing anything for me except making me feel helpless.

I’m sorry for what you are going through. Please try to stay strong.