Healthy Relationships Support Group
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One of my best friends is a guy. For years, there's always been a little undercurrent of something more going on there, but it was never addressed. For about a year now, I'd stay over at his house, there'd be a lot of making out, but nothing went any further. A couple of months ago, we had a conversation about it and he said with his job and other responsibilities, a relationship just wasn't in the cards. I accepted that, no real hurt feelings, and moved on. The other reason I was hesitant for that to go anywhere was because he once told me that he had herpes. I know some people have been in relationships with someone who has it and they don't, but I just can't take the risk. There is no 100% way to not contract it, even if they aren't having a breakout. I talked to my doctor about it and she said there's always a risk.
I hadn't really dated anyone else since that discussion, but now there's someone that I'm talking to. When my friend found out he absolutely FLIPPED. He threatened to "dick me over" with the new guy, said he wanted nothing to do with me anymore, and said that if I continued on with this other guy he would be gone out of my life in every way. He's been my best friend for years, but I can't help but feel that I must have misjudged that. I honestly believe at this point that he was happy to just have a no strings attached thing and it took realizing that I was willing to walk away for him to really freak out. I also am really turned off that he quickly threatened me and gave me an ultimatum within a half hour of each other.
I really like this new guy. I have a lot of fun with him and it's been a long time since I've been really into someone. But now I'm almost scared of what my friend would say to him...what? I'm a whore? Have a disease? It's really been weighing on me. I know I'm clean and I get tested at annual gyno appointment (which was two weeks ago) so I could obviously prove that I don't have anything, but what if the guy doesn't give me a chance? Just goes "ooooh can't mess with that" and disappears? I guess I can't PROVE I'm not a whore, but I don't know anyone that takes those accusations very seriously anyways, especially when it's coming from a pissed off dude.
I hate the idea of losing my best friend or him being so angry at me, but I don't like being bullied either. I'm also sure that threatening and giving ultimatums isn't a sign of a healthy friendship. I also don't like having the constant fear that he's going to say something to screw me over. Feel like I just want to cry because I don't know what to do.
Help...
I hadn't really dated anyone else since that discussion, but now there's someone that I'm talking to. When my friend found out he absolutely FLIPPED. He threatened to "dick me over" with the new guy, said he wanted nothing to do with me anymore, and said that if I continued on with this other guy he would be gone out of my life in every way. He's been my best friend for years, but I can't help but feel that I must have misjudged that. I honestly believe at this point that he was happy to just have a no strings attached thing and it took realizing that I was willing to walk away for him to really freak out. I also am really turned off that he quickly threatened me and gave me an ultimatum within a half hour of each other.
I really like this new guy. I have a lot of fun with him and it's been a long time since I've been really into someone. But now I'm almost scared of what my friend would say to him...what? I'm a whore? Have a disease? It's really been weighing on me. I know I'm clean and I get tested at annual gyno appointment (which was two weeks ago) so I could obviously prove that I don't have anything, but what if the guy doesn't give me a chance? Just goes "ooooh can't mess with that" and disappears? I guess I can't PROVE I'm not a whore, but I don't know anyone that takes those accusations very seriously anyways, especially when it's coming from a pissed off dude.
I hate the idea of losing my best friend or him being so angry at me, but I don't like being bullied either. I'm also sure that threatening and giving ultimatums isn't a sign of a healthy friendship. I also don't like having the constant fear that he's going to say something to screw me over. Feel like I just want to cry because I don't know what to do.
Help...
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
And I would consider it threatening behavior. Freakin' lunatic.
Did you ask him why he's so angry considering he said a relationship wasn't in the cards with you. I mean what's the alternative then, that you be alone or cloister yourself for the rest of your life. It's absurd.
Be proactive and cut the friend out completely. Block him in your social media and on your phone. Take control over that situation ASAP. And don't afraid of him. Be cool, calm and collected with him, always. He's trying to scare and intimidate you so you can't show fear.
You just be yourself with the new guy and see how it goes. I mean, if the guy doesn't give you a chance, then it's his loss. What can you do. But you can't be afraid of what others think of you. You know yourself and your worth. Do not second guess yourself.
Does the new guy know the friend?
This way IF your ex make out partner tries to spread a nasty rumor, the new guy will know not to believe him.
Good luck!
Cut him out of your life and block him.
I don't want him thinking that he's hooked himself up with someone who is going to bring him a bunch of drama. I'm not like that, it usually doesn't follow me, but I could see from a guy's standpoint where it may not look great.
It's funny that your friend says in one breath doesn't want anything to do with you and in another breath, says he's going to dick you over. I mean, by virtue of seeking revenge, he IS STILL having something to do with you. He's pathetic.
Maybe your new guy already knows your friend is an all around a-hole. If that's the case, then there's nothing to have to worry about.
I am ready to just cut my friend out. It sucks to lose someone that you've been that close to, but even if things don't work with the new guy, I don't want this situation repeating itself.
It's hard to lose a friend but I don't think people are necessarily meant to know each other and be in each others lives forever in every friendship situation. Some friends are just for a moment in time, a place in time and then you have to let them go.
If a little gossip or even "drama" scares him off, then it will be for the best in the long run.
This is not what friends do... Are you sure he is really friend or does he like to have you all to himself to fulfill whatever needs he has ?
Let him know that what he threatened you with, is unacceptable, and that you have taken it very seriously, and no longer wish to be friends. If he continues with threats, ask him not to contact you again, and end your call.
I wouldn't mention anything about it to your new beau until you have to, if you have to. We often worry about things that never happen, and trip ourselves up, trying to fix something that hasn't broken yet.
If you pre-warn him, it will draw suspicion, and add an unnecessary dimension to your new relationship. If your nutty STBXF says anything to him, your beau will come to you with it and you can explain then, calmly, as if it means very little to you, instead of becoming upset, which shows a weakness.
You can then explain to him why you are no longer friends with this creep, and how he threatened you. You'll come out of this looking much better than if you were to involve yourself in this brawl of nonsense, and feed into your STBXF's (soon-to-be-ex-friend) drama. It isn't your drama, but you can make it yours if you fall for it. I'm sure he'll scurry away once he knows you're putting your heavy foot down.
And this business with inviting you to see his family is poppycock, he just wants to keep you on a string, there's no sincerity or integrity behind it.
I wish you well.
I did end up talking to the new guy about it. Just said, "for whatever reasons he has, he's not happy about you being in the picture and wants to ruin it, so if you hear anything or he says anything that bothers you, please just ask me about it. I'll be honest."
He said he's never really been his biggest fan anyways and wouldn't have listened to him anyways. So I guess it's about as settled as it can be for the time being.