Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Do we really have to get married/find a partner or we just do it cause society taught us this way?
I feel an enormous pressure from my family to get a husband. I feel this way since I was 16-17.. I am currently 26. My grandma often tells me how she was married at my age, how my mother was married at my age, how my aunts were married blah bah..
Everywhere i go, i see people looking weird at me, being stunned for the fact i am a single woman and without a boyfriend - nor wanting to get one.
My whole life i felt depressed cause everyone was dating and i wasnt. I thought i was ugly, i had some problem, i would end up old and alone, but all this because someone has put this thought in my head my entire life. I went into a serious depression, with suicidal thoughts because of this!
I think it's totally unfair to do this to a person! It's psychologically destructive! How I have to hear that my 16 year old has a boyfriend, how my 22 year old brother moved in with his girlfriend and i still live at home and never had anyone.
I wanted to be single and not feel bad about it. Not feel hit my people's eyes when i got out for dinner alone, when i go watch a movie alone.. anyone else experiences this pressure and know how to deal with it and specially how to talk to your family and relatives and educate them in this way.
Just because all women in my family married in their early 20's and had a bunch of kinds before they were even 30, it doesn't mean i am forced to do the same... i wish they would support me in my choices and not make me feel bad...
I feel an enormous pressure from my family to get a husband. I feel this way since I was 16-17.. I am currently 26. My grandma often tells me how she was married at my age, how my mother was married at my age, how my aunts were married blah bah..
Everywhere i go, i see people looking weird at me, being stunned for the fact i am a single woman and without a boyfriend - nor wanting to get one.
My whole life i felt depressed cause everyone was dating and i wasnt. I thought i was ugly, i had some problem, i would end up old and alone, but all this because someone has put this thought in my head my entire life. I went into a serious depression, with suicidal thoughts because of this!
I think it's totally unfair to do this to a person! It's psychologically destructive! How I have to hear that my 16 year old has a boyfriend, how my 22 year old brother moved in with his girlfriend and i still live at home and never had anyone.
I wanted to be single and not feel bad about it. Not feel hit my people's eyes when i got out for dinner alone, when i go watch a movie alone.. anyone else experiences this pressure and know how to deal with it and specially how to talk to your family and relatives and educate them in this way.
Just because all women in my family married in their early 20's and had a bunch of kinds before they were even 30, it doesn't mean i am forced to do the same... i wish they would support me in my choices and not make me feel bad...
Yeah, I understand what you mean. Society attaches undesirable labels to people who choose lifestyles other than what it promotes. That way, even if this is what makes a person happy, they will still not do it to avoid the negative labels.
"I wish i could find a way to get rid of this and change people's minds..."
Exactly how I feel.
I am basically stuck.. my family gets me stuck and the only way they would let me get out would be to a possible marriage.. otherwise I have to work and pay bills... only..
Yeah I have a pretty shitty family i know..
I ENVY my young nieces, daughter and step-daughters who are living their own lives, pursuing their own happiness. Boy friends are optional. I wish I had to balls to do that 30-some years ago!!
I understand this very well, because I am dealing with the same thing. In my case, it is not just about not being married, it is about being myself in general. Society has ingrained ideas in our heads about what a person 25+ "should" be like, and this is just not what I am or what I relate to. You see, that's how they do it. They don't have to make laws preventing you from doing things, they just turn your own conscience against you.
No one is physically forcing me to get married, but they insist I should and make me feel bad about myself by saying things like i'm gonna die alone, i'm becoming old, i am not gonna have children.. trying to set me up with every guy possible.. like i can't say hello to someone who is a male, that automatically he is my boyfriend.. or they try to set me up with people.. like an uncle of mine once gave my number to a colleague of his and almost forced me to go have lunch with the guy, cause he is "exactly" what i need...
No, no one is forcing me, they are just making me feel bad about it, until i finally give up and do what they want...
And attention, this is not my family... people as young as my cousin for example, who is 17, has asked me what's wrong with me ... or my own friends, who insist i meet guys and usually tell me my prolbem is lack of sex...
I felt this pressure about my virginity and i ended up losing with it a not very nice person, because i was so sick of feeling bad about it.. that today i regret doing it and giving up to other's pressure... i don't want the same thing to happen... i dont want to end up giving in to pressure and date some asshole just for people to leave me alone!
This is not an excuse, but i dont want people to think im winning and should move out instead... its not that i want, its just that i am unable at this point... but thanks for your post :)