Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been with my husband for like 17 years. Obviously we've had many up's and down's over the years. Several years ago we separated for only a few weeks because I was really depressed and lashed out and didn't know what to do. Shortly after we went to counseling and it helped a lot. I think we need to go back. We're in a terrible cycle where we're unhappy with ourselves which make it so we aren't having healthy conversations/discussions. It's a lot of fighting. I feel he blames me for a lot of things. He will never forget what happened all those years and still brings it up. Saying just leave like you did before. He thinks I lie to him when he says he's fat and disgusting and I say he's not. He has sacrificed a lot over the years for what is best for us and our family. I have not. We were hurting for $$ I tried looking for a second job but couldn't find anything that would work with my ft job schedule...anyways he quit his job and got a job he has to sink or swim in and is more physically demanding because it pays more than his previous job, though he LOVED his last job. We were just struggling. So another sacrifice. But now it's like it's my fault his miserable again because he's the one who sacrifices and not me. I'm the selfish one who doesn't leave my job and do something outside of my field. Or got my license years ago like I was supposed to.
I just don't know what to do. How do I show him I don't think he's fat or disgusting?
how do I not take the things he says personally and remember that he's a man who has sacrificed so much and just can't depend on me?
how do I move past the things he says and act like I'm not affected?
how do I do more when I feel like I'm already doing so much and also how do I not compare what we each do?
Sorry I know that is a bit rambled but I just am lost and feeling numb and want to change this before our daughter thinks this is normal and ok
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
what are some of the things you enjoyed doing as a couple?
What did you see in each other when you met?
Is he suffering from depression?
This is no good for either of you and it sounds miserable from what you're writing...
I would definitely get back into some sort of therapy maybe individual at first and you need to find a healthy way to talk to one another as well as hear one another....
Big hug... xo
Resentment is what your husband suffers from. It is one of the big reasons I was unhappy in my marriage. I resented my husband's career success because I made sacrifices and my peers didn't respect my life as a full time mom (they believed I should have had my own prosperous career).
Resentment -- is when we blame OTHERS for our own unhappiness. Sure there were sacrifices he made and they totally matter -- but his unhappiness will only get solved by him learning to love himself and stop blaming you for his unhappiness.
In my experience, the only way to learn to love yourself is through help from a therapist. And I had to tell this therapist that this is what I needed to work on -- if you do not tell the therapist what you need they will not help you with the problem.
Seriously: what you have described is what life is like for everyone out here -- you are being honest and open. And that is a brave step.
Love love love, keep being open, you will find so much support if you are open about life's imperfections...
These cycles are so easy to fall into and are often so hard to climb out of alone. We are humans in need of others to help us. So don’t be afraid to ask for help. I am praying for you, your husband and your daughter. I pray that God will guide you to a place of relief and restore the joy of life and living. I pray for hope restored. I am praying for each of you to see each other thru God’s eyes. He loves you. He cares for each of you. He cares about your marriage. He cares about your daily lives. God bless you.