One day at a time. That's how I'm taking it from now on.

Point blank. She has lied to me. I had her phone in my hand and showed her on her phone where it was and she denied it. I have snuck in on her masturbating when she didn't know that I was coming home. She isn't open to speaking with anyone. I'm stuck. I love her way to much to leave. I'm not sure what is best to do.

Maybe it’s time for ultimatums and Counsling...

I’m a huge proponent of therapy and there’s nothing wrong with it. You wanna get better at basketball? Go see a basketball coach. Wanna be a better artist? Go see an art teacher. Wanna figure out your relationship or what’s going on in your head? Go see a counselor. It’s about seeking out someone that just knows MORE.

I am thinking maybe the fact that she did have a vibrator did surprise you (and maybe upset you a little?) would lead her to certainly not admit to the porn. They do say that can be very addicting (I have no clue as I would rather be doing , not watching......and since I haven't had any for over 10 years....I don't wanna simply "watch")

Also agree with some others....type of porn may be some new twist if she's tired of the norm (midlife crisis type deal???) She would not dare mention that to you for fear of what you would think. Did you try asking if she wants to try something new to spice things up?

I would say don't give up if you do love your wife and want to try to save your marriage. Over 10 years ago, my hubby did simply shut down emotionally and physically....He was (and still is) content simply going through the motions . I did try this for awhile but it is no way to live...with nothing to look forward to and dreading each new day.

I wound up chatting with another. He would listen, did care and encouraged me . With him I could open up about anything. I never did feel that with my husband (when I tried to explain different things to him. He would simply shut me down...so why bother.) If your wife thinks you would think less of her or not understand...she probably won't admit to what she is thinking.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Yes. I have asked her many times if she would like to try something different. I've asked about many different things such as, another man, another woman, threesomes, I've even asked her if she would like to PEG me. I've told her multiple times, whatever it is, I promise not to judge you, I'll do whatever to try and full feel whatever it might be. So yes, I've asked many times. I have no issues with her masturbating but the lieing about it I do.

Please forgive me...I am a poor deprived soul....PEG?

I would say the others do have the best idea here.....counseling. I know you said she is not open to talking with others.....Maybe it is time for an ultimatum?

PEG is when a woman uses a strap on, on a man. This is basic without going into details.

By now all who know me are forewarned....I have become way too curious....and I no longer hesitate to ask. (Not sure if this is good or bad. lol) ....I am learning alot. including things I myself have never tried.....I've gotta tell you...that one doesn't make my list. haha

I should clarify...my list of things I want to try (obviously I did never try either or I would have known what it was.) What can I say?.....I don't get out much. lol

No worries. It doesn't make my list neither, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to put the fire back in our sex life.

Update. It still continues. She still denies it. I have found more porn on her phone. Stuff she has always told me she is not into. The last was anal porn. I have basically given up all hope now. I refuse to keep being used.

so when a woman won't come cocoa with the real issues, you blame the husband

what the guy is asking, is how can he approach the woman he loves so that she'll actually hear what he is saying and maybe honor her vows to work on the marriage

pretty tough task to get someone that is wearing a mask to drop it

does anyone have advice/perspective for that

Does your wife come from a religious background/family? Perhaps the lying is based on a deep-seated belief or notion that masterbation is "wrong" or a sin??