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Is this OK or controlling?

Aronia
Aronia

    I have been dating my BF for 5 months now.   So situation is this: 


i live alone and I have to work overtime. I have no family basically and my friends can rarely help. Sometime my daughter needs transportation to and from school. 


Her dad helps, but can't always do that. My ex fiancé, who my daughter really likes, volunteered to help. He lives only 2 minutes from me. 


However,  this man is definitely not good for me and my friends think I need to avoid any contact with him. 


  I asked my BF how he would feel if I asked my ex for help and he threw a huge fit and said he will drive my daughter instead.  He thinks my ex is a terrible person I should never contact him for anything. 


   If my BF was not a single dad, I would definitely have no problem with that, but he is already spread thin. He has 2 small kids to drive all over the place on his visitation day. We are sort of close to his area, but his kids' school is way out of our way. 

jimthzz
jimthzz
why is he an ex?
calirn13
calirn13
Respect your new boyfriends wishes or he will be an ex too
lb7268
lb7268
Aronia I agree with your new BF.
What happened to the transportation company that you had hired?
rmb
rmb
You gotta extract that ex from your life totally. I can't imagine too many people being ok with this. It is essentially inviting your ex into your relationship, even when it's a small thing like this.
Aronia
Aronia
The ex is basically a narcissist.
The transportation thing has been replaced with me renting a house near the school and now she gets a bus to and from school but she decided to play sports and they do not provide transportation to and from practice. i can't join an after school program because I only need help once or twice a week and on random days.
Misred
Misred
Sounds like you have shared some information about your EX with your BF and he totally believes you. Seems to me, it would be better to cut off ties with the EX. By allowing him into your life in this manner, you could be asking for trouble. He will get a small window into your personal life by spending time with your daughter. Plus young girls are so impressionable....you may not want her exposed to someone like that...she might end up dating guys like him...what a nightmare.

Perhaps there is someone's parent from the team who could help out with the carpooling instead
rmb
rmb
Yeah I would see if another parent can help, which I think is fairly common to do when it comes to hauling kids for school functions. With my step kids, parents were always picking up and dropping off other people's kids. I grew up in the city so we always took the city bus or walked to and from practice. I know it's different and more challenging now with fewer and fewer kids living near their schools.

But yeah, after a while, I just think your ex cannot be an option for anything even as seemingly benign as this. It's not even about him being a narcissist. It's a matter of respect for your partner. When you're in a relationship with someone, my feeling is that you work this stuff out with him to find a solution, not your ex. It sends a wrong message to your partner and it just keeps the ex engaged in your life.
patti22
patti22
I'm going to disagree...a bit.

First, give the current boyfriend a chance. Time will tell if that's working or not.
Second, try other parents...if you can pay...sometimes a stay at home parent could really use the extra money.

Next, she could learn how to call a cab, take a bus, ride a bike, walk...etc.

Last, the ex boyfriend wasn't just an ex. He was also someone that she thought was going to be her step-father. Allowing them this small continuation of their relationship isn't necessarily a bad thing. In other words....life isn't all about the current boyfriend. You'll learn a lot about him if he can compromise and put someone else first...or not. (again...I'd give him the chance first though)
ScarletAngel13
ScarletAngel13
I agree with others re: getting ex out of your life.

However, your current BF throwing a "huge fit" when you asked for his opinion is a troubling situation...
rmb
rmb
I think it depends on the definition of a big fit.
Misred
Misred
about the 'huge fit'...if I had a friend who I love and care for tell me about abuse they suffered from some one, I would possibly throw a fit too if they asked my thoughts on continuing a relationship with that abusive person on any level. I agree with rmb....it depends and with Patti...time will tell
rmb
rmb
Aronia, I think you're a very pragmatic person. So I get that you are just trying to solve a problem here- transportation for your kid. I can see why you might think, what's the big deal.

I'm just trying to put myself in your guy's shoes... I mean, your ex just recently reached out to you to give you a bunch of household items, right? And I think your guy tried to suck that up even though he wasn't thrilled your ex reached out to you, from what I recall. But I can't think of too many people who would be ok with their partner still engaging with someone who mistreated them and financially drained them.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
This ex was really bad news and I would have NO contact with him...
Narcissists are very manipulative and the last thing you and your daughter needs is him trying to use her and this type of personality would
Aronia
Aronia
Yes... When my BF got excited this is what he said : did you forget what he did to you? You should' be asking me to break his neck, not for a ride " or something like that..
My daughter does have an attachment to my ex fiancé... He was the only man she ever knew me to have after my divorce. She feels he is her friend but he is really not.
After we broke up he only saw her once.
rmb
rmb
I think his response, while the words are over the top, is out of frustration and a bit of disbelief that you'd still want to be involved with someone who mistreated you, especially since you have him now. I do see why this bothers him.
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