Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

9,961 Members

13,641 Posts

0 Online

drew4lostluv 01/31/2016

I got a little down this weekend. I really had my feelings hurt by someone I considered to be my friend. I posted a couple of pictures of me helping her move into her new home with her and her daughter on Facebook. I of course tagged her in the pictures. She calls me an politely asks if I could delete the post and repost it without tagging her. I asked her why? She says
I'm still friends with your ex and she might see them.
You do understand right?
I told her yeah sure and we got off the phone.
This actually pissed me off a great deal.
I didn't meet her through my ex. I actually organized a reunion for them when I was dating my ex. They hadn't seen each other in over a decade.
I've been a loyal friend to her before, during, and after the relationship ended.
I helped her with everything from loaning her some money for Christmas to helping her move into her new home but she's worried that she might upset my ex?
Why would our relationship be dictated by a woman I dated 4 months ago when we have been friends for over a year and a half.
Her friendship with my ex doesn't bother me..
What bothers me is that she worries about how my ex feels, someone she hasn't even seen since I broke up with her.
Would anyone else be upset?
I wrote this out and I'm still unsure how I should feel?
She did say that I could still post the pictures of us but she didn't want me to tag her. I just don't know.

koolman 01/31/2016

She doesn't want your ex to think something's going on between you and her. Personally, I don't see a difference whether the pictures are tagged or untagged. Surely, your ex knows what this woman, her friend, LOOKS like! But, I don't know, some women are weird.

Autumnal 01/31/2016

Sounds like she's trying to be loyal to yr ex to protect that friendship...or, she might as well be interested in you for something further down the track?

Autumnal 01/31/2016

Yeah it's kinda the way a woman's mind works...I wouldn't be too upset by it but yeah I can see how it's not really valuing you as a friend.

texicallie 01/31/2016

She is attempting to spare any hurt feelings that the posting/tagging might cause her friend who just happens to be your exGF.

Personally, I find that admirable.

Aronia 01/31/2016

You know what... I have mixed feelings about it.
If I felt that awkward about public knowledge that a man in question is helping me move, I wouldn't ask him.
I d ask my close friends, my family, hire movers.

rmb 01/31/2016

I don't think it has to do with.her being a woman or anything more than some people are more judicious about Facebook than others and consider how things could be perceived. She may just be trying to avoid any drama or nonsense that happens so easily on Facebook. I think that's smart.

LivingWater 01/31/2016

I don't think she meant to hurt you, or that it was a big deal. I agree that people need to be very discreet on social media because of the "drama and nonsense" that can result.

ShastaSue 01/31/2016

It sounds sort of weird to me.

If you are going to have a man help you move and the two of you are friends... why would you want to hide it from certain people?

It's just seems sort of deceitful to me... like you are good enough to help he move, but she doesn't want to shout from the rooftops that the two of you are friends.

I think you're spot on to be offended. If she is ashamed of your friendship and doesn't want the two or you seen together on face book.. I would feel like she just used me for the move.

I would just take the pictures down all together and be "busy" next time she needs help. Now if she calls you up and wants to take you out to lunch and do YOU a favor.. that will show she is a friend. but using you for your services and then saying.. don't post pictures of us together... that is just insulting.

Autumnal 01/31/2016

Call her up and explain how it made you feel, and ask her whats the deal...sounds to me shes trying to protect the friendship of yr ex, and she might be into you and worried that if your tagged together on fb the ex might think theres something going on?

foundlove 01/31/2016

In my opinion, I think she just wants to eliminate to public world that you two are possibly seeing each other as more than just friends.... maybe not even worried about ex's feelings... but also might not want to get involved between the two of you's past.... or she's the kind of person that feels like maybe you two are headed in more than just friends and wants to make sure you know that she doesn't want to go there? I would just talk to her about it because the reasons for this request are endless... could be as simple as she didn't like how she looked in the pictures lol.

foundlove 02/01/2016

I'd like to add that for this reason of that her request to eliminate tagging from pictures is very simple request, and don't get too worked up over simple things, and let stuff get you down. I know it's hard to do but try to stay positive and not study too hard into things, and be negative. Worry about yourself, respectfully your doing right thing by following her request, but try not to worry yourself so much about how come she wants you to do this, and try to think more positive. I see your wrote you were very down about it which I guess I could be also if I had feelings for that person, and understandable but I try to remind myself not to let others actions or words get me down at all.... easier said than done I know. Hope your feeling better about it!

Lenoire 02/01/2016

I think it was inappropriate that you would put photos of someone on facebook without asking them. My friends, some of my family, and I have a strict policy about posting photos of us on social media. That rule applies to photos being taken at get-togethers, picnics, etc. No posting of photos is permitted, as some of us prefer to remain anonymous on social media, so I can see how your friend was uncomfortable with this. I certainly would be.

You don't have the right to post photos of people without their permission, let alone tagging them. So unfortunately, it's a simple case of over-stepping your boundaries, and your friend acted in a courteous manner, asking you to remove the tagging.

Just because you help someone move, it doesn't give you the right to post photos of them, and blast it out to the social media universe for all to see.

drew4lostluv 02/01/2016

We are just friends, I don't want a relationship beyond that. I just thought it to be disrespectful that she doesn't want anyone to know we're friends. Heck I even went to a Thanksgiving dinner with her. I guess I let things bother me more because it's hard for me to be comfortable enough to call someone a true friend. She is the person I go to with personal problems and she comes to me with hers. I think of her as family. I don't have much of a family left alive. She is a large part of my support system. I tell her on occasion how glad we are friends, I don't want to sound desperate but for the most part I am. I have quite a few casual friends but no friends I consider to be family except her. I have felt uneasy about our relationship in the past. I felt as if she wanted more once or twice and she assured me that that wasn't the case. I was relieved. She does get kinda irritated because I say that she's like a sister. I think it's because we dated for a brief time. 1 date to be exact before we decided to be just friends. Well I've been laying in bed for an hour, gotta get off here. Thank you for all of your replies.

patti22 02/01/2016

I'm not on facebook, but I see this as a friend's issue more than a "facebook" issue.

Long term friends deal will eventually have issues. You'll either be able to talk to each other and work your way through it, or you won't.

Successful compromises are usually when no one gets all of what they want, but at the same time, there are no deal breakers.

So my advice is, to talk to her...not us. Be realistic that things won't always "feel" perfect, but also don't totally dismiss your own feelings either. Give it a few more days though. Sometimes time has a way of making things either more important to us, or less.

What I wouldn't do, is to hold a grudge and then take it out on her later...

drew4lostluv 02/01/2016

Lenoir I didn't notice your comment earlier.
We have had that conversation in the past before . We posted pictures of each other, tagged each other, and even posted stuff on each other's time line.
I'm not disrespectful towards her or she me.
It wasn't a problem until after my intimate relationship with our mutual friend.

She did something kinda strange today. She posted pictures on her page and tagged me in them after she told me not to.

I kinda feel relieved but I don't understand the whole I don't want to upset your ex conversation we had.
A bit of a head scratcher but I'm not going to worry about it

Join the Conversation

Posts You May Be Interested In

Caricatures

Posted by: GreenEyes727

Last Reply: Tired 08/05/2026

6

Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
Truths

Posted by: GreenEyes727

Last Reply: GreenEyes727 08/06/2026

14

We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.

Caricatures

Truths