Healthy Relationships Support Group

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Is it healthy to argue/fight and feel distant...?

rhwhitmore2001
rhwhitmore2001

to feel distant or disconnected all the time? I mean even when we get along and things are going smoothly, is it normal to feel so lost and alone or separated from your partner? I can't even remember what it really felt/feels like to feel safe and secure in our relationship emotionally and I so desparately want to cause I want to make this work deep down, not just for our 8 year old daughter, but for us as well. I don't know if it just cause I think a lot or if its normal or not. We used to finish each others thoughts and or sentences and be able to talk openly about anything and everything when we first started dating and getting serious. Once we had our daughter mostly, things went south or by the time she was 1 anyways. I really don't like feeling like I do and it hurts me to know or think I'm possibly hurting him without knowing how or why or when, you know? He's not a very emotionally intelligent person IMO and I am. I'm very emotionally driven in almost every area of life. Any suggestions or feedback is always greatly appreciated. Thanks.

rmb
rmb
I think it's common that couples drift apart but I wouldn't call it normal because that implies you just have to accept it or can't change it. Are you communicating with your partner, making an effort to connect? Sometimes it takes one person in the relationship to be a catalyst for change. It takes a lot of vigilance to stay connected to each other.
Thumpa
Thumpa
I just wanted you to know that ur not alone... completely agree with the other comment regarding doesn't have to settle for it but yes I do think it's common... people grow and change so it's only natural that relationships will too... just hopefully both in the same direction... I'm here x
rhwhitmore2001
rhwhitmore2001
rmb. yeah I try to communicate with him all the time when we aren't fight or arguing and getting along about how I feel and its more that he is not accepting or receiving it a lot of the time or so it seems he's not. He doesn't seem to acknowledge I said anything half the time. He doesn't have much empathy or emotional intelligence in my opinion when it comes to feelings of others. Its hard to get through to him in that way because of how he was raised to believe. He's just not a very good listener, I guess. That's what bothers me along with his own trust issues too.

Thumba, thank you for your comment and yeah that's what I would like as well in this relationship...that we grow and change in the same direction, but it seems as though that's not how everyone thinks or believes, so, I just have to find a way to accept that somehow.
RobertH
RobertH
I second the "your not alone" comment. My husband and I are going through this same thing. I actually met with a counselor a few times, because it concerned me. I learned through the counseling that it is common for couples to experience this - and also that it is common for the relationship to change. I've been looking to bring back the intimacy we once had, but I'm not sure it will be the same every again. I still hope we can rekindle the spark between us. Best wishes for you and your family. Please reach out if I can be of any assistance to you in the future.
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