Have you ever watched Dr. Phil? He has this saying... " What we fear, is what we create"

Meaning if you didn't have the fear and insecurity, you would be showing your fella your best self. You would be easy breezy and happy and he would be smitten and drawn to you!

When we are needy.. We are at our most "Icky" lol.... you will insert YOUR doubts into his head!!

You have a good thing and the demon in your mind says... " What if you lose it"?? The demon doesn't want you to relax and enjoy what you have.... So in your neediness, you will be sure to "Create what you fear"...

How about .... when insecurities pop up, you will yourself back to the time when you had just met him, you didn't feel vested in the relationship and you had nothing to lose.. At that point in time you were your most playful, flirty, fun self!
Even if you don't feel it, force yourself to relax and be that early days person. Even if you have to look at the clock and set a time limit.. When the insecurities start to rise, tell yourself that for the next hour you are going to fake it. you will act like you just met him and instead of fearing you are going to loose him, you will act like you did when he wasn't yours to lose!

I know it will be difficult, but give it a try!

Have you talked to him about your feelings?

I have mentioned it, and he's aware I overthink things but I tend to play it down as much as possible whilst inside my head is going crazy!

Great advice, ShastaSue! Makes total sense, if only I could hold on to that sense of being carefree and in love instead of creating a stressful mindset for myself.

i will definitely try that out x

You need to completely honest with him about who you are, even if it means he may not like it.

I disagree, I don't think you need to tell him how insecure you are if you are able to "talk yourself down"

What good will it do? You will tell him your fears and then he will reassure you and then you will do it again.. and he will reassure you. then he will start to think "what the heck"...

What good will that do? Like I said before, needy insecure behavior is "icky" fake it until you make it!

I would say tell him everything if he would be able to reassure you enough... but the problem is yours and there is really nothing he could do or say that would help you.

One little mind trick you might try is to tell yourself that you were just fine before you met him.... of course you love him and enjoy having him in your life.. but if the very worst happens and he dumps you... You will be all right! In believing and knowing that... you will be peaceful, fun and good company!

We can't control everything!.

It is definitel smarter and wiser not to say anything, but it is not honest.
I feel that when we hide things from our partners, they are with a person who we project ourselves to be, which makes the whole relationship a bit of a fraud.
If my BF had these thoughts, I would definitely Want to know, but I realize that not everyone is me.

I'm a fake it til you make it kind of woman myself and I have actually practiced something I learned a long time ago, when I think, sheesh, do I even like my husband (because some days I don't when we're going through a rough period). I just pretend I do like him. Simple as that. I act loving and kind towards him, despite how I feel, and then suddenly I'm just there, as I was before and it does seem to put my feelings and thinking back on track. I'm not saying to do this if you're in a terrible relationship with a terrible person, or to not express your feelings. It just a tool to help get out of negative thinking. So to Shasta's point, it may help you to act like you're back to the beginning of your relationship where it was light and fun and exciting. That can help break through the intrusive and negative thoughts.

It's good to try to redirect your thoughts. I'm not insecure in my relationship or have low self esteem, but I do have anxiety issues sometimes, so what I do, when I feel that feeling,depending on how strong it is, I either sit in the feeling until it passes or I just physically remove myself and go to another room, or go outside. That change in my environment seems to let the air out of the balloon so to speak, so I can regroup

With that said, I do think it's equally good to discuss your anxiety with your boyfriend. I wouldn't do it when you're in the the thick of the anxiety or obsessive behavior or when you're feeling emotional. Do it on a good day, when you feel in control and there's no stress or tension in you or in your boyfriend or between the two of you. I would be careful to not constantly talk about how insecure you are, because I think for many people, regardless of the reason for the insecurity, it will eventually push them away. I would mention you have insecurity issues, and you are working on them.

And that leads me to this: You are getting help for this, right? I mean, you may need to talk to someone professionally to help you get there.

I am finding myself in harmony with what Aronia is saying. Projecting someone or something we are not, is not being honest with ourselves or others, especially if it's a longterm practice.

You have unresolved issues that have formed from your last relationship, that you are transferring onto this one, I am guessing. And you may have just cause for the triggers that are causing you anxiety, but you won't know until you put them down on the table and analyze them.

I would recommend you find a psychotherapist and hash it out with them. He wouldn't be able to understand or help you and it would cause you further grief. You need to be able to bounce your thoughts off of someone with professional training, that can help and guide you to understand why you feel the way you do, and what you can do to alleviate it.

Faking it can only last so long if there are unresolved issues that keep repeating. We may think no one can tell, but we are only faking ourselves into believing it, because others notice.

However, what Rmb is saying, I have done myself, but it's a different scenario in that it's the rough patch that I'm pretending didn't happen, then the anger starts to fall away, and everything is back to normal. Whereas in your situation, you are dealing with daily intrusive occurrences.

I wish you well.

It depends on man. Some men like neediness. That makes them feel secure. If you are needy they feel that you will never leave them and they are happy about that. It depends on man. Men are same as women. Different men like different things. If one man thinks you are needy enother one will love that about you. You have to feel what your particular man likes not just think about steriotypes or past experiences. If this man is with you probably there is something he likes about you. Even if someone cheats that does not mean that he will leave you. People usually stay with whom they are most comfortable even if they get interested in someone else for short time. That man left because you were not his type of woman. That is good thing that you did not loose more time with him. Your type of men will stay with you because you are exactly what he needs so do not worry.

Wow, I can completely relate to this.
I feel the same way. My boyfriend and I have known each other for 7 years. We've dated twice, and now we're in a long-term relationship for a year now. I often think negative thoughts to myself as well, thinking he'll eventually leave me, or that I am annoying, depressing, or bothersome to him, even though he claims he's happy with me and that our relationship is healthy and good. lol I just feel like it's too good to be true and therefore there has to be something wrong.
I'm struggling just like you are girl, so trust me, you are definitely not alone.
In terms of how I deal with it, I'm still trying to figure out how.
I workout to feel better and more confident, although not as much as I should. I try to dress up and look nice to feel better as well. And most importantly, I try not to think such negative thoughts, especially since things are apparently good and there really is nothing wrong with our relationship, which seems to be the case. I just tend to create worst case scenarios in my head a lot of the time because I feel like I'm not worthy of such a good thing. It's hard. I tend to overanalyze, be over-sensitive, and stress about the smallest things.
I'm just glad to know I'm not alone in this problem, which is probably the biggest problem of our relationship, from my point of view.

I can 100% relate as well. I am also in a similar situation, and while I have been completely honest with my boyfriend, I feel like it is coming to a point where I need to step back from him and get professional help. He doesn't like to see me this way, and I don't like to see me this way. I don't want there to be an endgame that I created, simply because my fear keeps me back from just enjoying the "now" and where I am.

You might need IC. You mentioned that you've already explained you had issues. No need to keep bringing it up. Tell him when you require more affection. Just tell him, "I need a hug, and to hear you say I love you" sometime men are not programmed to "feel" what we need unless we tell them.

If your man enjoys a needy insecure partner then I think the relationship will work. But unfortunately, I think it would destroy the relationship you have with yourself and create a lot of stress for you. I think you are setting yourself up for "if he likes me, then I will be happy. If he doesn't like me, I will be unhappy". So basically your happiness will depend on whether he likes you or not and your happiness will be in his power.

I would take a 6 month break from the relationship and let him know you would be willing to pick it back up after the 6 month break.

This sounds so much like what I'm going through! I find myself reading into every word, every hesitation, I keep asking him if he really loves me and am not satisfied if he just says "yes"... it's torture. ShastaSue gave some great advice--I've been trying to do something along those lines because I KNOW if I keep going on I'm going to ruin this. I'm trying to be light hearted and not let him know how much I'm worrying over every little thing. but it's so hard--I may not say the words, but I know it's in my body language and my expressions. I have to keep telling myself "I love this man, but if I make him crazy he'll leave". I have told him that I overthink things and worry, but I don't know how long he'll cope with this. I wish you well--it's so hard, but you need to just keep telling the voices to go away!

i agree with 4,6, and 8

i don't think a person can fake away anxiety, trying to so will make someone with anxiety issues all that more conflicted

bullshitting yourself and someone you care about is wrong

be honest with yourself, some of your fears will always be with you as unfounded boogeymen

some are real in that they come from your past unfaithful boyfriend, but in some ways many of them are unreal in that all of the reasons to justify his cheating are / were his and his alone, well his and his co-cheater

your current boyfriend will either be true or not based upon his own character