Preach Sister!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hear you!!!!! If we don't train them, they never do it. I think if they were waited on growing up it is hard to break the cycle. I guess just try not to do the stuff and ask him to do it and he will find out when there is no laundry etc. If you can do that. Tough love maybe?? IDK it is hard to break the cycle of men making the money and women doing the house stuff. even when we make the money is can still remain the same.

Its not rite from what I hear.been with my husband for 15 years since we were 20.knew him in high school and had a crush on him.

Anyway as I chose to be the stay home mommy.which I love and I love doing the cleaning the cooking and laundry in all. My baby works really hard as the headmaitence for the school dept.he's exhausted when he comes home. 1st thing he does is hug and kiss me and our daughter.

Then he takes our dog for a walk.on Wednesday night he orders food to be sent.so I don't have to cook. On the weekends he'll cook and he'll fix things up around the house.he puts our little girl to bed every night.

Once in a while he'll come home on his lunch hour and he will throw a load of wash in then into the dryer and another into the wash.he'll put dishes away.

Just that makes it a help for me and I never expect it from him.

Ah. . . The stereotypes just keep on blasting the speakers, huh?

Gentle empathy. It do get weary.

I am sorry you are going through this. Is there anyone to reach out to for guidance regarding this matter? This might help to have some tough conversations. Hang in there; this is not an impossible situation to turnaround.

Have you ever said to him what you wrote on here??

I would tell him that you're unhappy with the way that your marriage is right now and it needs to change..... I wouldn't like being the butt of someone's jokes either and he knows that it isn't funny.... It's unkind

I do think you have to think about how many hours a week that you each work to earn a salary when deciding what's okay in regards to work within the home

Then go on strike!!…. I think things don't change unless people change them.... If you keep doing it all he's going to let you..... You might have to tolerate a mess for a while..... Big hug....xo

I think you shouldn't be afraid to have a fight or conversation. I deal with training the man in my life daily. Last night he had an attitude with me about the mail and trash not being brought in, and that he didn't want to clean or do things when he got home from work.
I point blank said " lah Dee dah grow the fuck up. I'm sorry I thought feeding you was more important so I started dinner." I work a full time job also.
He does like your husband, lazy whenever he wants. Last night I told him I don't get days off. My days off work I have to work hard cleaning and cooking because no one else is gonna do it.
I asked him why do I deserve to be punished when I have done nothing wrong? Maybe you should ask your husband why he treats you like he does and that it is punishment. Maybe if he looked at it that way he would realize what an ass he is.
Like one of the other comments said, it is an every day battle trying to train men. You have to decide what you will and won't let them get away with. I dont think it has anything to do with parenting either. My man has a horrible family; no one ever waited on him hand and foot. He is just content to live in filth because he is a filthy man who doesn't care.

If anyone ever referred to a man needing to train his wife, you would all be outraged at that. You don’t train a husband like he’s an employee, or a pet. Sheesh, these are men you agreed to share a life with. If they suck this bad, why on earth are you with them or putting up with that.

When you are in a relationship with someone, it’s often constant negotiation. That requires thoughtful and intelligent discussion about your needs, the other person’s needs, the needs of the relationship, why certain things are hurtful or damaging to you and the relationship and then agreeing on what needs to change,, who does what around the house, how money is divided, etc.

What you do with anyone in life is you teach them how to treat you. If you accept shitty partners in your life and continue to tolerate behavior then you are teaching them how to treat you. If someone is calling you names and you do nothing about it, by either leaving or being firm about what is going to happen if he does it again, you are teaching that person how to treat you.

He should not be calling you lazy. But you should not be tolerating it either. I think you need to really have a heart to heart discussion with him about your feelings, how his words affect you. I’d offer solutions to areas of concern in the marriage as well so it doesn’t sound like you are simply complaining.
Don’t have this conversation when you are upset or angry. Have it when you are both relaxed, and really try to hear each other out.

I’m not going to lie. If my spouse was working part time and I was working full time, I’d expect the bulk of work around the house to be done by my spouse, or at least we’d negotiate that. My husband and I both work full time and he does certain chores and I do certain chores. That happened because we agreed on who does what. It didn’t just magically happen without discussing it.

I know I'm late to the conversation here - but for #2, what you called "banter", to me, sounds like he's putting you down. Name-calling is hurtful. The name-calling and put-downs need to stop. Does he start the "teasing" right after you ask him to pick up after himself, to get the focus off him and onto you? He is being disrespectful by not taking your feelings seriously and accusing you of ranting and raving when you want to talk. Do you have kids? This type of disrespectful behavior gets worse when kids enter the picture, possibly because they know you're stuck and they can really do whatever they want to you.

Lot of passive-aggressive behavior here on both sides. First, most men are of the same persuasion, if you have a lot of criticism, fine then do it yourself. Note, not too many women want to hear, you could be better in bed and here's how I'd like you to look, and say, let me try to do better so he is happy.

Suggestions,

1. Tone down the rhetoric and criticism,

2. If he is doing a task, try to nicely explain where needed how it could be done better. Try to be nice to him and compliment where appropriate.

Hopefully being nicer to him will result in him being nicer to you. If his criticism continues even after kind words, then talk to him.

If you can't get out of this loop, try counseling or perhaps recognize its not working, for each of you, having a critical, unappreciative spouse for your life is not the best way to go.

Suncloud wrote, Have you ever said to him what you wrote on here?? She says it over and over, and over and over and over and over, so he tunes her out, goes on his computer, and makes fun of her because she criticizes him.

I can definitely relate. I do believe when they choose to ignore and discount our feelings, it is more or less saying they know it does not matter because we will continue to do and care for them (unhappy or not) To me I feel discounted and definitely not respected. (And yes, those "joking" words of ridicule are more abusive and aimed at us to keep us feeling down and that WE don't deserve any better. To believe that WE are the problem, rather than them)

In a perfect world, I think two people should work TOGETHER . Of course I am reminded every day that place does not exist. (but I am not giving up. lol)

Hugs

Hello,
I can identify with . It’s so unfair and unaccepted for that your husband to call you names if he wouldn’t appreciate all you do for the family. I suggest you sit him down and let him know how you feel about your concerns in the marriage. Ideally couples are supposed to help with chores and take care of the house together but some men don’t help out that much. You are not the only who feel that way and women don’t have to accept this way of fixing it all at the house. Some men will not get it no matter how hard you try to let them help. Even those men whom their mothers tried to let them do chores at home when they were younger. What I did was to do the best I could. Whenever I was tired I took a break from the house chores. If he did complain I told him he could also help out since we all worked outside the house. I stopped doing it all. I stopped expecting anything from him, so it didn’t bother me as much its used to be. I thanked him and recommended him when he helped. Men are not naturally home makers. Only a few are and others try to help out. But if your hubby isn’t helping then he shouldn’t call you names.
I ever read this and it has stuck with me a lot “ You can’t force someone to respect you, but you can refuse to be disrespected’ Surely people will always have an opinion or believes about you but since I know who I am I don’t really care much about that they say. Will keep telling them that’s their opinions. Dear you are still the same hardworking and the exact good woman he desperately needed to complete and perfect his life. He has just become too familiar with you. Don’t let that bother you much.