Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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I am so darn insecure....

OTM64
OTM64

Hello friends~



I have been dating my new guy for almost 2 months now and I am totally gaga over him.


We have so much fun.


I am having huge issues though.  When I start to really fall for someone I become VERY insecure and have lots of anxiety over it.


He does not know this, I do not let him see it at all.


But I cannot keep dealing with all this insecurity.


I keep telling myself that I am a good person and that even if he does decide to reject me I will survive.


My friends tell me that I am attractive and funny and that he would be a fool not to totally dig me, but it just does not sink in for me.


I know these feelings stem from my childhood and the way my father raised me.  My Dad always made crude comments about women in general and also commented a lot on big boobs.  Always commenting on womens looks and not who they are as a person.


But I digress that is a whole other post for another time.


I really need to stop this worry and anxiety.



Help.

Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Have you ever been in therapy OTM??... If you're self esteem and security are something that's been an ongoing problem it might really help to work with a therapist for a while... big hug....xo
OTM64
OTM64
Yes, I have been in therapy many times for many years. Yes, it has helped a lot. But it's still there to some degree.
thinkingtoomuch
thinkingtoomuch
I know exactly how you feel. I have gone through and continue to go through the same with my current relationship. My insecurities tend to cause problems. I feel mistrust with no reason to, but in the end my strong feeling of mistrust is what cause the relationship to crumble. or causes my significant other to cheat. I'm new to this forum and struggling with so many issues. I don't really have much advice. Other than I'm glad I have someone to relate to. Not glad that you're struggling. I'm so sorry... But I have always resented the fact that I feel so alone in this.
OTM64
OTM64
@RMB, no apologies needed!

@Thinkingtoomuch, stick around and post some of your issues and we can try to help or guide you.

I am feeling much better since Saturday, thank you all so much. He and I had a great weekend.
I just have to stay out of my own head and stop making up stupid scenarios that may not ever even happen!
rmb
rmb
Good!!
LivingWater
LivingWater
Commenting only on women's looks is definitely a red flag. My boyfriend, now my EX, constantly told me I was pretty (with suggestions on how to get even prettier) but he never told me he valued me for my brains, my compassion, etc. He became obsessed with sex and was crude about it. Good riddance to bad rubbish!
OTM64
OTM64
@LW, ugh I am so sorry to hear that honey. I hope you are doing okay.
strwberryginger
strwberryginger
I came to realize how deeply I struggle with the same issues. I did find some awareness in articles and books that have to do with attachment styles. I realized I am a anxious/preoccupied attachment styles, so I pick up in any inconsistency and my mind turns it into this huge mountain until it is resolved or talked about...until the next thing arises. I personally have a long way to go still but knowing what attachment style you have will help when you feel insecure, unstable and stressed about what you perceive as going on in the relationship.
OTM64
OTM64
Thank you StrawberryGinger!
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