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Husband texting someone else

caseyk
caseyk
My husband and i are in a long distance due to jobs. I just went through the phone logs and found that he has been texting some unknown number for 2 days at night. I confronted him and he said he got the number of a porn site and texting and he was stupid. He deleted all the messages and i can't get to retirve it. It's been less than a year we have been married. I know he hasn't texted anyone else in the time i've known him. but he has broken my trust and i donno wt to do. my faith in this relationship is totally gone. But i dono if i've to give him another chance or leave him. as far as i know, he hasn't had sex with anyone, but just sex doest count as cheating. He cheating me by texting another gal about sex. i'm so lost, and crying all the time. I dono wt to do.
Should i leave him?
HealingT
HealingT
If it is too painful for you (which I suspect) for you to be under the same roof right now, I would go to a friend's house or ask him to go. Also, what you are feeling is very normal. You are in emotional shock, and it is important that you take care of YOU . If your marriage is worth saving, it will be okay for you to see him in small doses until you get past this initial hurt and shock ( which in my opinion is one of the worst kinds of pain a person can feel). I hope you can get in to see a counselor as soon as possible. They will help you to put things in perspective and work through the pain.
caseyk
caseyk
Thanks everyone. This forum is really giving me strength and I feel i'm not alone.
We just had the first counseling session. This is my first time therapy ever. My therapist was good, i liked him. He listened and advised few things. Will be meeting him again this Monday. I cried at counseling. But I'm not crying now, and i did not cry on the way back from therapy. I think that good for me. But i'm to wait and see if he's going to change. He said he'll do anything to save the marriage. But i don't want to take his word for it.
MsViv
MsViv
He was honest enough to tell you about it once confronted. If it were me, I would give it time to see if I could build trust back up, discuss why he did it, etc, before leaving him.

I feel until all avenues have been walked down, a marriage shouldn't be broken.
holehearted
holehearted
It does sound to me like you may have already had trust issues with him. If you called him up and he didnt answer his phone so you logged online to check the account to see a history of his phone.

He could have just been sleeping.

Just saying
deleted_user
deleted_user
Or maybe she smelled a fish and was right. Sometimes suspicion is justified. I wouldn't worry about undue suspicions right now.

I agree on staying somewhere else to get peace of mind. Since I assume you both work far apart (I don't understand how the long distance set up is) that getting time apart should be very easy to do. It sounds like you need that. That and some cheering yourself up--pampering, all of that. He needs to work on his own behavior and you can't do that for him exactly.
caseyk
caseyk
I dint suspect anything. My husband, my brother and I have a same cell phone plan and we all have locating apps to help in case of emergency cos we all live in different cities. When I could find my husband location, i got worried, in a way that it could be an emergency cos he never once misses my call. And that's why i wanted to locate him. Only to find out he was with another woman that time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sorry for your pain. I recommend you to take your time for any decision so you don't regret anything in the future. I don't trust him because he told you what he was doing because he was caught not because he regreted. Keep going to counseling and coming to this site so you don't feel alone on this event. Also, pamper yourself, friends, massages, and even a trip will help. If you can't be with him under the same roof I don't blame you. Tell him to leave until you find peace in the mess he created. If one of you has to be uncomfortable let it be him. Also know that pain is inevitable during this types of events but it goes away with time. For sure, you will become a better person once the pain goes away.

Hugs and prayers for you!!
HealingT
HealingT
casey, I hope you are doing okay. Just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers today. As susan said, the pain of this does eventually go away, but it takes time and a lot of self-care (counseling and taking good care of YOU) to get past it. Life does go on regardless of what happens between you and your husband. Try to remind yourself that his infidelity is not about you, it's about his self-centeredness and poor choices that he made. Many women/men struggle with accepting this, but it's the truth. (((hugs))).
deleted_user
deleted_user
I very much agree with Susanr- let him be the uncomfortable one. Taking a trip sounds like a great idea- enjoy some freedom from this mess that he created (and that you did not).

Focus on your own feelings and find out what you want and see if you even want him back in the end. Right now you're probably so in shock and are hurt, but I'm guessing anger will kick in pretty soon and you may not want him back.

Heal your pain and let him stew in his own crap and you can come or go when you feel you're ready. It's ok to put things on hold until you've gotten yourself centered again- this kind of thing is going to really knock the wind out of you, so it may take awhile to regain your balance.
caseyk
caseyk
All your support has really helped me a lot over the couple of days. Really thank you all so much.

I told my H, that he screwed up, so he fix it. I'm going to to take time off everything and enjoy myself and try to make me happy and put me first. My therapist said the same during counseling too. He said i was too selfless and always thought about my H first. So from now on its going to "Me" time. I went shopping yesterday and got a couple of lipsticks to make me feel better. I'm going to show him what he lost, and make him regret.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yay! Attagirl! You can do this! This is "you" time.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
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