Healthy Relationships Support Group

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How to you get from dating to a relationship?

openheart
openheart

I have been single for 11 years now. Its lonely. I have dated many guys, but its never progressed into a relationship. As the common denominator, I believe I must be doing something wrong, but I am so confused. I have been 'ghosted' so many times, I should be used to it by now, but it just seems to hurt more and more everytime it happens. For example, I met this guy a month ago. Things were going great and I really like him. He had asked me to meet his parents and last weekend I met about 30 of his friends, but I haven't heard from him since. I mean, barely. I texted him a couple of times and he called and left me a message to the effect of "hey, I've been working night and day, I'm not sure if you're working but if you get a break give me a call, I'd love to hear from ya". So I called back the next day, and he sent me to voicemail after the 1st ring. And I haven't heard back. So based on experience, I am being ghosted. I just don't know what I did and it really bothers me. I feel like I haven't been given enough of a chance. I am critically analiyzing all of my actions. Was it because I occasionally teased him? Was it because I was too shy and quiet when I was put in a room of 30 strangers, all of which he knew but I didn't? Its weird because he was affectionate towards me the whole time.. His friend even told me a story about him telling her he liked me. But at the end of that day, he didn't talk about when we'd see eachother next and he didn't tell me to text him when I got home, which he usually did. I know I am overthinking it... but at the same time, I desperately want to know where I am going wrong because this seems to be a painful trend for me. Did his friends not like me? Did he figure out that I have low self esteem when I chuckled at his compliment? Ugg. Please help!! Can anyone tell me what I am doing wrong??

refurb
refurb
be yourself and don't apologize for it,
refurb
refurb
be honest and open, expect same, don't accept less
refurb
refurb
you don't want a relationship with a duechebag
Misred
Misred
Don't pretend anything. Be yourself. If he were to find out later you were playing this game how do you think he would feel? If you don't like it...most likely he wont either. The wait three days before calling is no big deal. He probably did it to keep from looking desperate. I do not like that he said, "I'll call tomorrow," and didn't, To me that is lying.

Anyhoo...there are tons of guys out there like this. Just not in the position to nurture a relationship or just flaky. You two did not discuss exclusivity so you are free to continue on with your life making plans as you would if you two never met. Don't clear your calendar "just in case he calls."
ams398
ams398
Think of your worth!! You have so much worth, so ask yourself do you really want to be with a guy that treats you this way? If a guy wants to see you he will make time and do it. People make time for those they care about. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't see your worth!
ams398
ams398
Think of your worth!! You have so much worth, so ask yourself do you really want to be with a guy that treats you this way? If a guy wants to see you he will make time and do it. People make time for those they care about. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't see your worth!
rmb
rmb
I do agree that you have to be yourself. If you're a joker and kidder and a teaser, which I am, so I get that completely, then that's who you are and you want to be with someone who is not offended every 5 minutes by you kidding around, who's so thinned skinned that they aren't able to roll with that. I do think it's a matter of taking a second to read the situation, so you don't find yourself doing a Don Rickles bit when it might not be appropriate. I had this happen to me with a coworker recently. She behaved inappropriate with me at a company function (the dummy drank too much). I just kind of let it go at the function, but it was bad form, really bad, and other coworkers saw it and ugh... bad. Anyway, the next morning, she came to my office to apologize, and me now feeling weird about our work relationship, but also being very aware that she felt really bad and was trying to fix it, I took it upon myself to not merely accept her apology but to tease her about it, relentlessly, and in front of other coworkers. I didn't do it to hurt her. It really was my coping mechanism dealing with my discomfort and to sort of let her know I was taking it in stride, that she was off the hook. And that didn't go over well. I totally understand how when you're nervous how that happens.

I think if it's this hard to figure out his intentions, let this one go.
apache
apache
Relax,... More than likely everything is alright.... Instant gratification is pretty rare I bet,..... He probably is working and if not,... What was it the Dali Lama said in that movie with Brad Pitt?......' If a problem can be solved then there's nothing to worry about,... And if it can't ,..... Well then,.... Worrying isn't going to do you any good!.'....and I say,....... Jesus h. Key-rist on a fast bike,...... Chasing after the effing money changers from the temple,..... Saying,...... I want my effing change,...... And,.... I want it effing NOW!,........ Just hell on wheels that one is.,!,,,lol,.... But seriously lighten up,.... If he likes you it will show,.......you seem normal enough and there is nothing wrong with you that isn't wrong with most the rest of us,..... Congratulations,... Your human.....peace& love,.... God is good,.... Try and enjoy this life he's turned us onto to check out while we are here,..... The right frame of mind can make everything groovy......
openheart
openheart
So he texted me and called me to say he's sorry for not keeping in touch, that he feels bad and wants to see me again. He said that he was working 14 hour days and that everything else fell to the side. Instead of calling him back like he wanted me to, I just texted him to say: "I don't know what to think.. I have been working crazy hours too and have only had one day off in 2 weeks.. but I made an effort to contact you. I'm not interested in games, so if that is what this is, then count me out."
He says he isn't playing games and wants to make it up to me. I think I should give him a chance and see what happens. What do you think?
rmb
rmb
There's no harm in giving him a second chance and just see where things go.
pinkbutterfly
pinkbutterfly
If you don't mind me asking, is it known upfront that you are looking for a relationship?
I know it seems like it may turn off a potential mate but if he is not open to the
same thing the process may take him ages to get there. I know I have dated men and when they felt I was way ahead of them they pulled back and then the relationship just ended. I'm
42 now so really I make it known at the start I am looking for a relationship that
may lead to marriage that way I weed out those who are not on the same page. There
might be nothing you are doing he just may not be ready and not sure how to express it to you. I
hope you find what you are looking for.
Misred
Misred
You did good. Now the ball is in his court. One thing I've noticed is that men are not as good at multitasking as women. I agree with your saying you work hard too and were able to make contact, so I'm not knocking you for that. Just pointing out there is a difference between men and women in that area and it should be noted. Now you just have to wait and see what happens.
openheart
openheart
Thanks guys. On Saturday I plan on having a good chat with him. I need him to know that ignoring me won't fly. I am looking for a relationship, but not an instant one, and not one with just anyone. I guess I just assumed that was what he was looking for when he asked me to meet his parents and his friends and talked about me taking trips with him and his friends. But I also think that may have been smoke and mirrors. So I also plan on telling him that it won't happen again until we are in a relationship, but that may take a while, especially seeing as his 'maybe' plan to withdraw from potential commitment definitely worked on me because I definitely don't feel the same way about him anymore... Anyways, I guess we'll just see what happens.
rmb
rmb
I would just try to relax a bit. It's dating, not life or death. I mean, it should be kind of fun and you should feel like you enjoy each other, not that you need to be wary of each other. Yikes.
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