You mentioned that you just had a baby. You might try checking his computer history to see if he's been looking at inappropriate stuff. For example, pornography. If so, this can harden the guy's heart to where he becomes kind of an emotional avoidant. If this is true for your man, once he clears that junk out of his life, his heart should soften towards you and his sex drive for you will likely go up. This is the only thing I can think of that may be a possible problem on his part. But then again, it's hard to know how a person really is through the internet.

To my knowledge, my husband has never looked that sort of thing up on the internet. He'd rather look up articles about cars & old local history. He'd been cheated on before several times in previous relationships, so he's incredibly loyal and faithful.

Sometimes men go through a stage were there attraction to there women is not the same afterr she has a baby. I am not saying this is the problem, but it could have something to do with if he watched the child birth. It dosent usually last a long time, but sometimes guys just go through that stage.

It's not just due to having a baby. This started a while before baby, heck, before I was even pregnant. He only wants sex on the weekends when it suits him, and seems to get annoyed when I try to initiate anything when he's not in the mood. It's rare for him to try anything during the week, and rarer still for him to want anything more than once a week. But as I said, it's not so much the sex that I'm missing (though I'd be happy with a bit more), it's that feeling of being wanted and desired. I just don't think it's there anymore.

Does he work a lot or have health issues? How old is he? Just curious if it's something physical. Also having a baby in the house can affect everyone, not just the mom.

I personally think he works too much... He's an instructor at a technical college, teaching automotive. And he just turned 27 a couple months ago. He does have a bad back, but that's been a factor since we first met and it didn't stop him then!

YoungBlessedMama,

I would consider Lovemaui's thoughts. This happened to me also and then I found out my partner was living on porn sites every single day. Dating sites. Live cams. He even went to the extream of downloading porn sounds on his ipod so he could listen to it as it it were music.

There was no passion in him. He didn't want sex as much as he used to, or he was too "tired." Little did I know he blew his load to his laptop screen rather than having a real intimate time with me.

So, there was me left with needs because he was fulfilling his with pixals.

You could be right. He may not be watching any porn, but it would be good to keep an eye out for it anyway.

People here mention that after having a baby, it can turn a man off. I highly disagree. Bringing life into the world is the most beautiful thing there is. Some people cannot ever have children and to say that men dont find their women as attractive since having THEIR children is disgraceful. If that sort of thing puts your husband off, then maybe he should go with a man if he feels that way.

I understand that after having a baby, you need a little more attention and love and I also understand that having children gives you no time to yourself.

If my partner was getting on that way with me. I would make myself look smoking hot, pack my bags and go to my friends house for the weekend while having my mum take care of my child until then.

Dont tell your man where you're going and let him see how hot you look before you go on your little break. Trust me, he will be sitting at home gnawing his nails off wondering what you're up too and how you just got up and say "see ya later. Don't wait up for me."

That will keep him on his toes because then he will know you're not sitting there waiting on HIM. Turn the tables around and show your independance.

Come back, looking good and if he asks what you were up too, be vague about it. (I am not saying cheat or flirt with other men, even stay at your friends house to watch movies with popcorn but dont let him know that.)

Let his insecurities sink in and he will be the one trying to impress YOU.

That is just my advice and it worked very well for me as my partner is constantly on his toes.

If it were me, I'd not play those games of keeping him guessing. You're adults. Adults talk. How about simply taking time, without the baby, to be together and really open up to each other. Leave sex out of the conversation for now and just say we need to make an effort (say we so it doesn't sound like you're making him feel like he's not doing enough like you mentioned) to stay connected because my fear is that we are drifting apart since the baby. Then talk about date nights and stuff like that so you can ensure you have some time together one on one.

We can say all we want that birth of a child is the most glorious thing to happen to two people, but the reality is, it can be a very difficult adjustment everyone. You go from being a couple to being a family and that dynamic is now changed.

Also, Lostsouls is right. There are several articles on this issue where some men (not most men) are kind of turned off from sex after witnessing their partner giving birth. Doesn't mean they're jerks and it doesn't mean they don't love their baby or their partner. It's a psychological thing, having more to do with not being able to reconcile the sexual / reproductive boundary. I'm not suggesting men shouldn't be in the delivery room for the birth of their children, but men being in the delivery room is a very recent development in the history of , well, the human race, and so it stands to reason that it could be kind a mind fuck for some guys.

I don't know why your husband is acting this way or if just having a baby has made you need his attention more. I'm not judging either of you, just saying perhaps you're both adjusting, with you just having a baby and him being a father and whatever else people try to figure out after their life is forever changed.

Ardara, that seems... almost cruel, especially considering my husband has been cheated on in previous relationships. And even if I wanted to get away for a while, it would be difficult to do as I am breastfeeding the baby and do NOT want any sort of formula given to her. But that aside, he's still affectionate, it's not like he flat out ignores me. For lack of a better way to put it, it just seems like there's no spark from him anymore.

Wow, let's not manipulate!

COMMUNICATION is the key.

"Husband, I love you, out child and our life. I love being around you, think you're handsome, wonderful and so sexy... and your reactions always make me feel so attractive and sexy. Instead of sex, let's work on the intimacy between us...."

Youngblessmama,

You say you're husband shows no affection, attention or sex. That it is routine for the pair of you and you're worried of which way you should let him know how you're feeling just in case you offend his.

You said you already tried telling him this and that he doesn't get the message or claims that you're "greedy" for sex.

Since you have already tried the talking approach, I offered mine of leaving for a few days to give you both a breathing space.

I do not see how my approach is considered to you as cruel by keeping him on his toes, especially after you explaining he gives you no intimacy.

By leaving him just for a few days (I gave going to your friends house as an example) will give him time to miss you, wondering what you're doing and noticing your absence to make him want to be intimate with you by the time you come back.

The reason why I said for you to be somewhat hostile towards him is because your post came across like your husband doesn't listen to you. By being hostile towards him would make him realise or shall I say, notice something is up for him to LISTEN to you and like you said get the message.

By having a little break, would make him want to desire, give you affection without you actually asking for it if you see where I am going with this?

I did not know your partner was cheated on before, so perhaps that suggestion wouldn't be too good for him.

Like I said, doll yourself up. Get his attention and let him enjoy the chase.

I was also going to add in my last post, before my laptop was starting to die on me was to write him a letter on how you are feeling and what botheres you in the relationship.

I sugest writing letters to their loved ones a lot on here and it does actually work very well, considering if you other half would read it or not. Write him a letter, explain how you're feeling, what you miss, what affects you and give him the letter. Go shopping with your daughter, so he canread your letter in privacy and in peace. Give him enough time to know what to say to you when you do sit down and talk about it.

Rmb,

I totally understand where you're coming from. I have three children, under the age of four. Children can most certainly strain a relationship and your mental state.

But the whole point of men being turned off by their sexual partner because they have given birth upsets me greatly. I have a relative, who's wife had a baby and he said to me that seeing her saggy stomach is strech marks make him sick and that he has to have the lights off when he has sex with her.

As a mother myself, that offended me greatly and unfortunatly, there are men out there that feel the same way as my relative. Which I am sure, some of you may find what he said very upsetting and the sad part is, I have met many more men that think the same way.

I am sure some men find it traumatic witnessing their wives give birth, but what about their wives? They're the ones going through with it. Pregnancy, giving birth and after birth. I know two guys that think breastfeeding in public should be illigal and that it is repulsive.

Like you said, that is the reality of it but that should not make any woman feel insecure about themselves. Because, sadly it does affect a lot of women.

Not all men feel that way but some do. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, just that it is something psychological that goes on for some men. Not all men, some.

Actually to be quite honest, I don't want to see a woman breastfeeding her baby at the table next to me at a restaurant myself.

I see two things here
Bad back - yes, in the beginning when he was all hyped up and trying to impress you, he could get through with pain but now he is comfortable and can't hide it anymore. Also, as time goes on, back problems usually progress, so he may have more pain.
The other issue is that he knows you have a high sex drive and he is aware that he can not satisfy you. This is a subconscious turn off.
He may be " afraid" to be affectionate because he will know you will want sex and he can't produce.
It is not a good cycle to fall in to and dissatisfaction on both ends can cause a serious rift in your relationship..
I had similar problems on my relationship and I had to lay off the sex thing. When I stopped hounding him for sex, things seemed to improve over time , but of course, we both recognized that this issue had to be addressed and discussed, not shoved under the rug.
Another question I would have - sex aside, do you feel that you are solid as a couple? Do you enjoy spending time together when you are alone?

For the most part, we do enjoy our time alone together. Obviously, we'll have the occasional off night or little spat, but usually we can relax together on the couch and binge watch whatever show we're into at the time. Which raises an example of what I mean: he used to want me close and at least cuddling when we used to watch tv together. Now he's ok with staying on 'his' side, sometimes even getting annoyed when I try to get close and it's too warm or something like that. I realize that part of that before baby arrived was due to it being hard to get comfy with my huge belly in the way. Again, sex aside, it's more a lack of - feeling wanted. There's affection - little, quick, (maybe this is just me) hurried kisses, or sometimes holding hands, occasionally cuddling in bed, and the occasional hug when I'm doing dishes or something like that. And he does try to help around the house and do what he can to make me and baby happy. But sometimes it feels like it's because it's routine, or he HAS to do it, not because he wants to.