I don’t blame you. You are not a terrible person. He can’t live with someone else? Is there concern about criminal activity that could put you and your boyfriend at legal risk?

Your boyfriend has to really lay down the expectations with a time line for him to be out of your house. And to let him know what reprocussions will be if expectations are not met. The thing is he probably will let him slide. I don’t mean to sound negative. It just seems parents have a really hard time doing this, I suspect due to guilt.

I feel for you. I really really do and I wouldn’t want this ether, BUT in most cases people don’t become inmates because they had excellent parents.
I don’t know how his son ended up in prison, but his dad will
Probably want to keep an eye on him.

Maybe you should put your foot down as well.... IF he can do it why can't you

I would want a short timeline for when he's out on his own.... Otherwise his father is simply enabling bad behaviour and can actually be crippling his son by it

I think 3 months should be long enough to find some sort of work and rent a room at least it would be for me..... there are organizations to help ex cons' get on their feet

Big hug.... I hope that he'll want to move forward to a good place in life... xo

That's a really tough one. As the others have said, a timeline is a good idea. What are the plans if the timeline doesn't work or there are behavioral problems? A unified front is always best. If he'll be on parole, maybe the parole officer could help him transition into his own place? A friend of mine was just released and he went straight to housing transitioning services and his learning to do and cope on his own. So far, he's done very well, but he's been forced to take care of himself. I pray it will go well.

My advice, put that money from the raise into a separate bank account...so that if boyfriend lets his son roll all over him, that you've got some money set aside so that you can leave.

"Boundaries" are meaningless, if you don't have a way to get out.

If it's your house, you'll need the money to manage the rent/mortgage alone.
If it's your boyfriend's house, you'll need the money to move.

If it's a lease, you'll have to decide about informing the landlord about another adult in the house (that's usually against the rules of a lease). It's possible however, that with the lease (and you being financially RESPONSIBLE) for it, that you have legal authority to force the son to move out.

To put that another way, if I rent a house with you, I can't have 4 additional family members come and live there too while I continue to only pay half of the rent. BUT this is small claims court types of stuff. These issues are LOCAL laws, sometimes you can find out by looking them up at your local courthouse.