I don’t know if I am just angry because of what happened to me, but please, get away from this guy.
If your gut is telling something is wrong, you have evidence of something is wrong AND he is being defensive, he either fucked someone , is fucking someone or is thinking about fucking someone.
Either one of those options equals pain and devastatio to your life.
My ex of 2 years carried on 2 other serious relationships I didn’t know about and I am not a dumb person. I found no hair on his clothes, no unusual gifts, all absences has solid explanations.
My gut feeling was always right.
Trust yourself.
No matter what he says, when you are in a faithful relationship, these problems do not exist. I was with a faithful man a few times. This gut feeling is NOT there, when there is nothing going on.
I don’t know I was so blind and didn’t follow my own rules.
Good luck. Hope it turns out well. Hugs

Based on this post and your other posts, I think you need to accept his friendship with her. Once you accept it, then I think you either need to make peace with it, for real, or step out of the relationship. It really may be that you just can’t be in a relationship with someone who is friends with an ex. It just may be one of those deal breakers for you. And that is ok. We all have deal breakers. You don’t trust your boy friend. I think you say you do but you can’t really if his friendship with her causing harm to you, emotionally.

I agree with rmb.

It's also important to be able to distinguish between your gut and your fears.
xx
SuzA

I agree with rmb as well..... There is a possibility that there's some unfinished business between them or that they are simply friends

Getting angry at you though is a way of shutting you down..... That I wouldn't accept.... When things are calm I would tell him that we need to have a discussion and say your piece.....

Gentle hug......xo

I could come to peace with it if he'd be honest but he says they hardly talk. If they hardly talk how can she be number 4 on his frequently contacted contacts. She was before his mom and he talks to his mom a lot. It's not the fact that he talks to her that bothers me anymore, it's that he may have been dishonest

How do I talk to him about it when I was obviously snooping

You started posting about this 11 months ago. It sounds like nothing has changed. Your intuition tells you something, and he denies. I think you deserve better than some guy who is acting like he's keeping his options open. Last year I tried to ignore what my intuition was telling me about someone, and now I wish I had obeyed my intuition sooner.

If you really need proof beyond a reasonable doubt, and closure, which I can totally understand, maybe you can contact the woman "friend" and flat-out ask her if they are seeing each other?

I would not confront him anymore, since you have already done this enough times and heard all the excuses and blame-shifting.

Definitely do something. He will string you along forever if you allow it.

This really sucks. It's consuming my thoughts. I really don't know what to do.

I hope you are taking good care of yourself and getting out with friends. You can back away from the relationship while you decide your next move. YOU are a priority. Don’t make him a priority if he treats you like an option.

There is a book called Who Holds the Cards Now? You might want to check it out.

Well I did something. I told him I know they still talk.

I would definitely tell him not to speak to her anymore or there will be consequences. I have always had a rule of never to be friends with ex's for this reason because they never really go away if you are still "friends" with them. If you do not like him talking to her and want him to stop talking to her, then you need to voice your opinion instead of just letting it happen. Fight for what you love and I assure you it will be taken into account next time he decides he wants to talk to her.

I found proof. Here's a message I saw from March 25th "we still have to get together someday. I of course have to text and we have to meet in secret"

So, you're done with him, right? At this point, I'd print out the text, take a photo of it or forward it to yourself, whatever you need to do to have it. Show him the proof and tell him he's not trustworthy and no longer part of your life. At this point, the snooping is the lesser "crime". Cheating trumps that, even if it's emotional cheating only at this point. Ditch him.

Or don't show him the "proof". Because you know as well as I do that he will spin some kinda story in which this is innocent and he is blameless.

As far as "tell him he's not trustworthy", he knows this and doesn't care. And the "no longer part of your life" part is only as good as your word. Ultimatums don't work if you don't carry them out.

Just dump him, block and delete him from all social media, text and phone access.

Cheating.. :(