Healthy Relationships Support Group
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When I started my current job earlier this year, due to the office setting, I was warned by a few different people to keep to myself and not tell anyone anything that I don't want everyone else to know about due to the reputation this place has for drama.
I had kept to myself for the first several months but then started opening up to a select few. I made a really good guy friend (whom I will call B), who liked me but I made it clear that I only wanted to be his friend. We talked about usual things that friends talk about, and then it became clear that he was really obsessed with my relationship with my current boyfriend. B started to get mad whenever I would mention my boyfriend or when I wouldn't take B's advice about my relationship. Needless to say, that "friendship" ended, I cut him out of my life and wouldn't discuss him with anyone because he wasn't worth my time. Unfortunately, he began talking really badly about me and my relationship issues to my coworkers. People who didn't even know me nor I them, would say things about me to other people who talked to me, calling me names and telling one of my actual good guy friend's in the office not to talk to me. Why? I have no idea. Clearly, most of this is stemming from what B was spreading about me. He just really told my good guy friend that I only keep him around to feel sorry for me and my relationship issues, and to help me with career progression within the company. Totally not true and it severely pissed me off so I had to go to HR because it had gotten so bad.
The second part of this dilemma is that I have recently found myself getting sucked into the gossiping, something that I actively keep myself from doing because I don't like it. But since I've made more friends at work, and more people are gossiping to me, I find my guard is lowered and I take part in it to an extent, and then later wonder why I even said this or that, or asked about so and so, because none of the pointless information about other people even matter to me. I recently heard something about B and sent a text to who I thought was a trustworthy female friend at work regarding what I had heard. Needless to say, my female friend mentioned it to the other person involved in the story, and sent screen shots of my texts to her, and then it got back to B what I had said, who has started talking about me all over again. I take responsibility for my mistake of even saying anything to my friend, but I'm upset that she would mention it and send screen shots to the other person. I clearly can't really trust anyone at work. I have always been one to have my guard up and not trust people until they prove that they are trustworthy, but it's been fun making new friends and not feeling on edge with people....until now. I like giving people the benefit of the doubt but it isn't getting me anywhere. And now because everyone at work seems to be talking about everyone else, I am disappointed in myself for even taking part in the gossip and drama. I realize I need to watch what I say and do there, and go back to the mindset of only telling people things that I would want everyone else to know about....meaning nothing at all.
So I guess I'm just looking to get some feedback on this situation or to hear from anyone who has had similar situations like this happen to them.
I had kept to myself for the first several months but then started opening up to a select few. I made a really good guy friend (whom I will call B), who liked me but I made it clear that I only wanted to be his friend. We talked about usual things that friends talk about, and then it became clear that he was really obsessed with my relationship with my current boyfriend. B started to get mad whenever I would mention my boyfriend or when I wouldn't take B's advice about my relationship. Needless to say, that "friendship" ended, I cut him out of my life and wouldn't discuss him with anyone because he wasn't worth my time. Unfortunately, he began talking really badly about me and my relationship issues to my coworkers. People who didn't even know me nor I them, would say things about me to other people who talked to me, calling me names and telling one of my actual good guy friend's in the office not to talk to me. Why? I have no idea. Clearly, most of this is stemming from what B was spreading about me. He just really told my good guy friend that I only keep him around to feel sorry for me and my relationship issues, and to help me with career progression within the company. Totally not true and it severely pissed me off so I had to go to HR because it had gotten so bad.
The second part of this dilemma is that I have recently found myself getting sucked into the gossiping, something that I actively keep myself from doing because I don't like it. But since I've made more friends at work, and more people are gossiping to me, I find my guard is lowered and I take part in it to an extent, and then later wonder why I even said this or that, or asked about so and so, because none of the pointless information about other people even matter to me. I recently heard something about B and sent a text to who I thought was a trustworthy female friend at work regarding what I had heard. Needless to say, my female friend mentioned it to the other person involved in the story, and sent screen shots of my texts to her, and then it got back to B what I had said, who has started talking about me all over again. I take responsibility for my mistake of even saying anything to my friend, but I'm upset that she would mention it and send screen shots to the other person. I clearly can't really trust anyone at work. I have always been one to have my guard up and not trust people until they prove that they are trustworthy, but it's been fun making new friends and not feeling on edge with people....until now. I like giving people the benefit of the doubt but it isn't getting me anywhere. And now because everyone at work seems to be talking about everyone else, I am disappointed in myself for even taking part in the gossip and drama. I realize I need to watch what I say and do there, and go back to the mindset of only telling people things that I would want everyone else to know about....meaning nothing at all.
So I guess I'm just looking to get some feedback on this situation or to hear from anyone who has had similar situations like this happen to them.
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Good Thursday to you!I've been watching a really long trial on Youtube these last couple of nights and will finish tomorrowHopefully I'll be in the land of nod soon and I hope my peeps are having sweet dreams followed by a great daySending hugs...xo
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
Many people at work have their own agenda to follow - being favorite of the boss, getting time off before you, getting a promotion before you, doing less work than you, doing less unpleasant tasks than you, power battle to make themselves feel good, stirring up the pot to relieve boredom of their empty lives ...
The more you talk the worse it will be.
Do not text anything to anyone because it will be used against you. I friend everyone on social media. HR do not care who the problem is - ALL of the people coming to them with complaints are a problem and HR wants only one thing : NO problems, no matter who is right or wrong.
I am Not saying don't ever go to them, but pick and choose your battles.
You are very insightful and you understand that in the situation with this male co-worker you are 50% responsible because you armed him with the goods to harass you and cause you problems.
The biggest weapon you can have against this idiot is to watch him closely and report to your boss every dumb thing he does to show poor workmanship IF it directly interferes with your job productivity, but if you will play this game, your work performance has to be absolutely flawless.
So the best thing to do would be to stop all non-work related communication with everyone at your work place. Be pleasant, be kind and be a team player, but do not allow these people into your life.
Don't expect fairness in the work place. It is just a microcosm of the larger world. Things aren't fair in the big world, so it's naive to believe they will be fair in the small world of work. Count your blessings that you still have a job. And don't be part of the problem by gossiping or listening to gossip YOURSELF.
I would just chalk this up to a learning experience and not let it get you down. Going to HR when you feel you're being harassed IS appropriate. Being called names at work is not appropriate and can be considered working in a hostile work environment. But otherwise, just be strong and take control where you can which is to rise above the gossip and just don't engage in it any longer. Become a leader in that regard and you may find some of the people engaging in gossip will stop because they're like you, where they just kind of got of got caught up in it. My experience has shown me that when there's a lot of gossip in a department, it's usually just a couple of bad seeds who are the chronic ring leaders. If enough of you decide as a group to stop joining in, it can steal the power from the jerks.
I would simply state that I don't like to gossip about people if someone starts it...
Many years ago I had a situation between a couple of people at a company that I worked in that gossiped terribly and tried to start nonsense at the work place... I simply confronted them at lunch and said if it doesn't stop I'm asking for a meeting between all of us with the boss... It stopped and I didn't suffer in any way... The environment became more comfortable and I think it was a positive outcome... We never became good friends however we were respectful co workers... Big hug...xo
These coworkers are not real friends, they're work friends at best, and the day you leave the company, chances are you'll never see or speak to anyone of them again. Misery seeks company, and gossipers use gossip to draw unsuspecting new workers into their sesspool.