Thanks for sharing about friendship management. I am on the front end I think, of developing friendships. It is good to be able to look down the road through your current experience to see what challenges may arise. A friendship I would think is something where both people are getting something out of it. Your friend needs a counselor to resolve some problems of anxiety. Your friend may also need a dating site to look towards permanently resolving aloneness through marriage. I don’t mind if you share these ideas with your friend. It would be an interesting conversation to find out id your friend feels the same way or differently about this input.

boundaries get my vote as the hardest part of long-term relationships. it seems like the longer i know someone, the harder it is to maintain healthy boundaries. in my own herstory, a few months is as close to long-term as most of my relationships get.

i don't have many long-term friends because of it, but the few are precious. it takes time to sort the keepers from the throw-backs.

Ugh it’s tough to handle but it’s not a functional relationship so it can’t really work.

I have two really close friends. One doesn’t live near me and we don’t talk all the time but I feel closer to her in many ways than anyone on the planet. It’s just connectedness and just knowing she’s on this planet makes me feel close to her. My other close friend I speak to more regularly. She’s a gem. We really don’t demand anything of each other. It’s not transactional. I think that’s why they work.

Over the years I’ve had friends that have come and go. I think that’s ok. Friends don’t necessarily need to be in our lives forever. The friendship may have been based on circumstances, some bonding over shared experiences, etc but people and circumstances evolve causing the friendship to drift or become sort of unrecognizable. It’s ok to drift, to take steps back, to control how much you can or are willing to give. Or even shut the door entirely. I have met some people where they seem cool and interesting at first and you kind of click, but as you start doing more things together you realize they are going to suck the life out of you. I shut that down by just continually declining invites, saying “no” without trying to soften it or explain it. It seems cold but there really is no other way with some people. They tend to disappear eventually. It’s hard to do because you want to be kind but it does take some firmness and even some harshness sometimes because if you show any cracks they will exploit it.

With your friend, be consistent and firm. Cut it off if needed. You aren’t responsible for her emotional state. She’s basically manipulating you. That is the opposite of friendship. Like what did she do before you became friends with her? Probably alienated her previous friends.

I am so sick of people sort of using their physical, mental or emotional health or issues to control people. It’s effed up. I have anxiety. I have an autoimmune disease. I have my own shitty baggage to cope with. But it’s my stuff to manage and not put on others to solve or manage.

I agree with Ontime2019’s reply, friendship is a two way street when both parties respectively enjoy each other’s company. Where both sides mutually benefit, hence why boundaries are essential, you cannot have a healthy relationship without knowing your place and achieving mutual trust. I hope my words provoke your critical thinking about your own whereabouts and boundaries in the road ahead. You have answers.

Big hug Ilovemy..... It is hard to take when people are that needy..... It 'sounds' like she may be unwell

If it were me I would ask for a coffee date to talk and try and encourage her to seek medical treatment.....
There is good help for anxiety be it meds or therapy and you can often email your therapist when you need extra help

If she won't plug into or reach out for professional help then there isn't a lot more that you can do

I would also encourage her to talk with a school counselor or family member's that she's close to

If you want to stay friend's you can see one another when it suits both of you but I really think addressing this head on with some recommendation's might be your best option

I know that it's hard and I absolutely agree that boundaries are imperative otherwise it's enabling and that won't help her or you

Big hug.... xo

I think you are sharing a great deal of wisdom.

It sounds like she was "love-bombing" you with all the gifts and a low price on her bike. I tend to find this very annoying now that I am older and have seen it destroy family relationships.

I think you were 100% correct to stand your ground and go home early. Now that you know she is somewhat unstable emotionally and afraid to be alone, you have to keep standing your ground. She may or may not follow or allow your boundaries but this is to be seen in the future.

She may not be the type of friend you really need. Her need is not love or friendship -- unfortunately it is using someone.

I had to dump someone recently who now I look back was very clinging and contacting me constantly. We were supposed to meet up for lunch and she canceled with these physical excuses. I asked her about going to the doctor and she gave me a bunch of odd excuses. It is her spine, no she needs a knee replacement, no she needs a hip replacement. I started to think well good that she canceled cause this is too weird. Then she started texting constantly and calling and I realized this woman has some serious issues that preclude friendship. Then she got racist in a text message and I ended the friendship by say it is no to this friendship, sorry. She said in the text "good friends should allow their friends to vent" so this told me she has no boundaries and doesn't respect other people's boundaries.

Hard lessons to learn sometimes but valuable and so I applaud you for recognizing this early on and standing your ground.