Healthy Relationships Support Group

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Feeling more like a single mom than a wife

cw90
cw90

My husband and I have been married for a year, and over that time he has become so reliant on me to be a sounding board for all of his problems (real or otherwise) that I don't feel like I'm in a marriage.  I think that now that he isn't on his own he feels like he can unload all his worries on me, but then he turns what would otherwise not be a big deal into a monumental problem.  Every ache and pain is interpreted as a life altering injury, and it seems like he has lost his ability to manage difficult feelings.  When I try to talk to him about this  he just gets upset and I end up backtracking or feeling like I have to apologize.  Then he gets upset because I don't have much of a sex drive. How do you tell your husband that you don't feel sexy when you spend all day feeling more like his mom than his wife! It has only been a year and he seems to have completely forgotten that I am a human with her own problems and needs.  

rmb
rmb
At 51, I have sex with my husband still almost every day (we've been together for 16 years) even when I'm annoyed, even when I feel insecure, even when I feel unsexy, even when I truly do not want to. I'm not saying you need to have sex everyday but that once you start pulling back from the intimacy, it's like pulling a piece of yarn from a sweater: it unravels from there.

Reconnect. Plan a night out where you are both relaxed and it's easy to talk and listen to each other. I just think it takes so much work to keep a marriage upright. It's constant. It feels impossible sometimes when you're not both on the same page, which happens a lot throughout the relationship.
gustokitty
gustokitty
perhaps suggest he find a therapist?
tangdoe
tangdoe
See if you can get a blue tooth headset and listen to it in one ear when he is ranting to keep your sanity if he dont cry about that too and then you can block out most of the drama he tells you and hopefully savage some of your sexy to keep yourself balanced. Just a guess...
darlingdarling
darlingdarling
I am sorry you're going through this. I don't have a lot of advice because I've never had a husband but I want you to know that the way he is treating you isn't right. If he gets upset at you for bringing it up, I think couples therapy might be necessary. You deserve to be happy and he is going to need to find another way to deal with life. He survived before you were married when he had woes. Your feelings matter!
rmb
rmb
Did you guys live together before marrying? I guess I am not sure what the line is... my husband unloads his problems and worries to me and I do the same to him. I mean, who else are we going to let are guard down with. So is it a matter of he dumps on you and expects you to take care of it? Or is he so self absorbed that he doesn't let you do the same?

Does he suffer from anxiety?
Aronia
Aronia
It sounds like he wants your attention. I completely agree with Rmb:
I hope you two can rebuild your friendship again.
Magbe you can be the wiser one and take him out on a date and really get him to talk about your reltionship and listen.. Maybe don't respond, but focus on listening to see what the hell is going on in his head.
Hugs
johnnycake
johnnycake
It sounds like he has an anxiety disorder. Your best hope is to persuade him to see a doctor about his complaints. Second best would be for you to see a counselor about dealing with your feelings towards him. Your frustration and anger could be contributing to his anxiety.
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