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The last couple of weeks I'v been going through a lot. The guy I am with is commenting on other woman. First it was about a sales clerk and how awesome she was. This morning he said he watched another girl jog and watched her boobs bouncing. I said if he was happy at home he wouldn't feel the need to look otherwise. He says it's because of my insecurities. I said he is disrespectful towards my feelings. I said how would you like if I looked at other men in that way? He said I don't think girls do that kinda of thing. I said you're right because it's not proper when you're living with someone and intimate with them. He will help girls boost their cars and then add them on facebook. I said of course that would bother me. Why would it get to the point you exchanged phone numbers and add the girl on social media? He said she's a recovering addict. I said and I'm recovering from being abused. Several occasions he has helped women without me involved and then adding them on social media. I said if I did that I'd have 1000 people of my social media. I've been in retail for 24 yrs and came across many people. I feel his actions are very disrespectful. In return he says it's my insecurities.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
I also agree that you need to have some boundaries that you can hold if you don't want this to continue or it probably will and can get worse
My ex SIL was just with a guy like this for 12 years... It was awful IMHO.... He was constantly humiliating her and she took it.... He finally let her for someone else
Don't tolerate this crap.... No one should.... You deserve better...... Gentle hug....xo
We tell people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves
Maybe getting into therapy could be a wonderful gift to you... It might really help you with confidence and self esteem.....You can learn how to stand up for you and say NO I won't be treated like this another day...... Gentle hug.....xo
This is emotional abuse, so is all the gas lighting he's doing, blaming HIS disrespectful behavior on your insecurities. You may be tolerating this because your ex was worse, but this new guy is still bad.
I wouldn't try to reason with him any more. All he does is make excuses and blame shift. I suggest dumping him ASAP. I'm sure he has good qualities, but his treatment of you is a deal breaker.
look, i'm a man, it is hard not to notice a woman jogging that has a big chest
it is easy to turn away though
it is easy to know that it would bring you no joy to say "i saw a great rack today"
does he ever say "i saw a guy with mu scalar arms today"
at best he is a jerk
he sounds like the kind of turd that wants to keep a you on edge and break you down, watch out if so, someone like that is usually pretty deft at manipulation
you sound like a good genuine person, leave this jerk
there was the verbal abuse, and the manipulation,the blame shifting, the narcissism, the lies, the public humiliating, cheating- until it's like doing it in the
open and people dont stay because they want to tolerate it SunCloud.
Sometimes there are human beings that give a person the benefit of the doubt
you see them as the person they should be- trying to give them the opportunity to better themselves.Like we have all been given when at times we needed a second chance at some mistake in life But you are on this forum for a reason - to listen to people that have also experienced these things advice. Listen to me- When a person shows you who they are-believe them.Its okay = a first time a person says something in appropriate but if this
now is a constant- tell him to hit the road.
People come here to hear different points of view.... It's peer support.... You don't have to agree with me Osheana
However I grew up with a lot of abuse and I know it doesn't just go away
Why would anyone not want to say 'hit the road' as 'you' put it..... There is seldom much change with this type of personality unless they really want to change and work hard on change and I've not seen it happen and I've worked in forensics
Maybe I've been too blunt.... Sorry if it offended you Osheana ...
I'm sorry for jacking your thread Colleen!......xo
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colleen201705/06/2018
The last couple of weeks I'v been going through a lot. The guy I am with is commenting on other woman. First it was about a sales clerk and how awesome she was. This morning he said he watched another girl jog and watched her boobs bouncing. I said if he was happy at home he wouldn't feel the need to look otherwise. He says it's because of my insecurities. I said he is disrespectful towards my feelings. I said how would you like if I looked at other men in that way? He said I don't think girls do that kinda of thing. I said you're right because it's not proper when you're living with someone and intimate with them. He will help girls boost their cars and then add them on facebook. I said of course that would bother me. Why would it get to the point you exchanged phone numbers and add the girl on social media? He said she's a recovering addict. I said and I'm recovering from being abused. Several occasions he has helped women without me involved and then adding them on social media. I said if I did that I'd have 1000 people of my social media. I've been in retail for 24 yrs and came across many people. I feel his actions are very disrespectful. In return he says it's my insecurities.
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jojored 05/06/2018
He has an answer for everything. I don't think you'll get him to see your point of view or to change his behavior, based on his constant justifications. I'm sure just about every guy would like to watch a girl jog, but most of them keep it to themselves, as it should be. He's fueling any insecurities you have, and he knows it. It's blatantly disrespectful, and your feelings are in no way out of line. He needs to do some shaping up if he wants your affections, IMO. He doesn't deserve them right now.
colleen2017 05/06/2018
I think it's important in any relationship to show repect and caring for eachothers feelings. But there are boundaries. As I mentioned to him several times I know what I have to offer. Since I left my abusive husband over 3 yrs ago I have been asked out several times while being with my recent boyfriend. I told him why would I let myself get into situations that would harm our relationship if I care about it?
colleen2017 05/06/2018
Also this morning my boyfriend was saying when you're involved with someone that's when people notice you more. I said how does that make any sense? When I was married no one ever asked me out and if they did then they are good for nothing and how many other people do they do that too? Or like when my boyfriend and I first got together another guy asked if he could be my FWB. I said no I'm ivolved with someone.
jojored 05/06/2018
I've heard that too, that when you're involved with someone you're more attractive. There may be a little something to that if you look at it like this - when you're with someone and happy you give off positive vibes and all that. But on the other hand, when you're with someone and unhappy, you might be walking around with a cloud over your head which is not attractive. Basically I think it's another BS line he's feeding you. Does he understand your boundaries? Are you ready to enforce them?
SunCloudJD 05/06/2018
I agree that this guy has an answer for everything.... It's disrespectful and he seems to like playing games
I also agree that you need to have some boundaries that you can hold if you don't want this to continue or it probably will and can get worse
My ex SIL was just with a guy like this for 12 years... It was awful IMHO.... He was constantly humiliating her and she took it.... He finally let her for someone else
Don't tolerate this crap.... No one should.... You deserve better...... Gentle hug....xo
colleen2017 05/06/2018
I have been approached several times to go for coffee etc by other men. Despite what I've gone through I still seem to be able to smile most of the time. I don't understand why men seem to think they can do anything they want even when it hurts the one they are with and it always seems my fault. The other day he said he was working with a girl and her life history even though he wasn't working with a girl so he can get something out of me. The thing that hurts the most is that he knows I have been through abuse and the other night said always poor you maybe you did do something to deserve what my ex husband did to me. My ex threatened to kill me and pushed me around, pinned me down, grabbed me, threw things at me, and belittled me every day.
SunCloudJD 05/06/2018
I think it's because you're tolerating it sweetie and I don't mean to hurt you..... A guy would do that to me once and that would be it
We tell people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves
Maybe getting into therapy could be a wonderful gift to you... It might really help you with confidence and self esteem.....You can learn how to stand up for you and say NO I won't be treated like this another day...... Gentle hug.....xo
11Christmases 05/06/2018
You said: "the other night said always poor you maybe you did do something to deserve what my ex husband did to me."
This is emotional abuse, so is all the gas lighting he's doing, blaming HIS disrespectful behavior on your insecurities. You may be tolerating this because your ex was worse, but this new guy is still bad.
I wouldn't try to reason with him any more. All he does is make excuses and blame shift. I suggest dumping him ASAP. I'm sure he has good qualities, but his treatment of you is a deal breaker.
colleen2017 05/06/2018
I might be tolerating to a degree but will stick up for myself when I see a problem. Yes what I say turns back to me as my insecurities etc. Yes I went through abuse for 10yrs. And have emotional problems at times. As anyone would in my situation. But I do tell him you will never find anyone like me. I am very kind and caring. Just life has brought me down a bit. My bf is a bit older than me also. So sometimes I think maybe he thinks all younger girls would go after him. When we first met we were really good friends and always said we didn't want to ruin what we had together.
refurb 05/07/2018
he does not respect you
look, i'm a man, it is hard not to notice a woman jogging that has a big chest
it is easy to turn away though
it is easy to know that it would bring you no joy to say "i saw a great rack today"
does he ever say "i saw a guy with mu scalar arms today"
at best he is a jerk
he sounds like the kind of turd that wants to keep a you on edge and break you down, watch out if so, someone like that is usually pretty deft at manipulation
you sound like a good genuine person, leave this jerk
colleen2017 05/07/2018
Right not to many people would appreciate their significant other commenting on another guy or girl. I said how would you like if I looked at another man? I also said you should aporeciate what you have at home and if you're happy with your significant other then there shouldn't be a need to look at another womans chest. It really doesn't bring much joy to me.
Osheana 05/09/2018
Um I have been with a man 17 years- did he have good attributes sure-but then
there was the verbal abuse, and the manipulation,the blame shifting, the narcissism, the lies, the public humiliating, cheating- until it's like doing it in the
open and people dont stay because they want to tolerate it SunCloud.
Sometimes there are human beings that give a person the benefit of the doubt
you see them as the person they should be- trying to give them the opportunity to better themselves.Like we have all been given when at times we needed a second chance at some mistake in life But you are on this forum for a reason - to listen to people that have also experienced these things advice. Listen to me- When a person shows you who they are-believe them.Its okay = a first time a person says something in appropriate but if this
now is a constant- tell him to hit the road.
SunCloudJD 05/09/2018
I actually suggested therapy may be a wonderful gift to herself
People come here to hear different points of view.... It's peer support.... You don't have to agree with me Osheana
However I grew up with a lot of abuse and I know it doesn't just go away
SunCloudJD 05/09/2018
You wrote that you have been with someone who manipulates, abuses, humiliates, cheats and is a narcissist..... Of course people are going to encourage you to try and get some help to get out of this situation.... It's awful and there is no changing him so the only person that I know to encourage to get help is the person being abused
Why would anyone not want to say 'hit the road' as 'you' put it..... There is seldom much change with this type of personality unless they really want to change and work hard on change and I've not seen it happen and I've worked in forensics
Maybe I've been too blunt.... Sorry if it offended you Osheana ...
I'm sorry for jacking your thread Colleen!......xo
colleen2017 05/09/2018
My ex husband was/is abusive to me for 10yrs. Every bit of me hoped he would change. We went to three counselors. None of which worked for him as it was my fault for everything. Once he went to an anger management class but it didn't last as he thought he didn't have the problem. I stuck with him for 10yrs but he was emotionally and physically abusive. The day I let go of our marriage was the day he threatened to kill me in front of our daughter. I was afraid for our lives. I lived in my daughter's room for months with something in front of the door. Until I got courage to leave one day when he was at work. It's never easy and from experience the abuser will never change.