Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

9,963 Members

13,641 Posts

2 Online

gabriel2012 08/28/2013

I met this woman on line about a year ago. We talked on the phone every week for a long time before we met in person. I could tell she really liked me. Our first date went really well. But I did not call her for three days after that. Mistake. She would not answer my calls after that. I tried for three days and then gave up on her. I was really sad but I told myself the message was clear. There was another woman who wanted to date me and she was beautiful so I moved on. Three weeks later I sent her a message on Valentines day and she replied. I replied but then I never contacted her again until tonight. I dated the beautiful woman for a while but it was so empty. I missed the other woman. She was not as pretty but I could connect with her. She was special. But I did not see that until much later. I stopped seeing the pretty woman but then I got sick and that went on for three months. Now I am starting to feel healthy enough to date again and I miss that first woman. As I said, she was special. I feel I was so stupid not to realize that back then. I think I was blinded by the beauty of the other woman and did not see this one was a better person for me. I feel very very stupid having let a wonderful woman go. As I said I wrote to her tonight for the first time in six months. She did not reply right away. But later I saw she was logged onto chat so I wrote to her. She replied. She told me a few things about how her life was going well. I wrote back asking her if I could call her. But she did not wait for my reply. She logged off. It seems she did nor want to chat. Maybe it was late 1030pm? Or maybe 6 months of nor communicating with her cannot be undone with one message. Maybe this will require a lot more work to get back her attention. Or maybe its too late. Maybe I can start from zero and work my way up, calling her and writing to her for a few months and maybe she will like me again? I really really like her. I have not liked anyone in a long long time. I am old enough to know that she is special. And old enough to know that I made a big mistake. Is it reversible? I feel its going to take me a long long time to find someone like her. At least she replied tonight.

gabriel2012 08/28/2013

When I say I have not liked another woman in a long long time I mean that I have not found someone so special in a long time. I have liked and dated other women. But this one is different.

gabriel2012 08/29/2013

I guess my question really is how can I get her back?

roseBud23 08/29/2013

When someone feels taken for granted they are not so easily swayed with just a simple attempt to reignite a friendship / relationship. Especially if one has self worth they will be opt to err in the side of caution when someone comes knocking at their door. You need to look at this from her side. She's not heard from you in months therefore she most likely feels you're using her during times of boredom and are not genuinely interested in her. Give it time, earn her trust. I think it's for sure a situation in which a second chance is possible... but you must put in the work.

You want to be with her because she's special correct? Then let her know and feel that way. Pursue and if she is still willing, she'll come around.

Good luck :)

Aronia 08/29/2013

You went on ONE single date with this woman and she boycotts you because you didn't call right away? It seems a little harsh and immature.
Maybe I am just too lenient and permissive.

deleted_user 08/29/2013

I agree with aronia, it was only one date, and only 3 days. You two really still don't know each other. If she was friendly this time and told you her life is fine, then I think you are taking it more seriously than she is and I would be friendly back but not hold my breath.
I'm glad you learned to look deeper into people than skin deep beauty. I think you had to do that, had to try the beautiful woman to see that beauty is more than skin deep. There are other fine women around.

Shine14 08/29/2013

I doubt she refused your calls because you waited 3 days.. I think she was no longer interested in you after the date, for whatever reason. It sounds like she has not spent the same amount of time thinking about you as you have about her.
You can try asking her if shes interested in another date, but I wouldnt badger her trying to form a new friendship, you will likely push her away.

deleted_user 08/29/2013

You like her that's a good point of discussion. Explain your absence. Start off slow, just the get to know you kind of thing. Be consistent and let it progress from there.

gabriel2012 09/02/2013

Thanks for your answers. She has been very friendly to me over the phone and she has agreed to go on a date. I posted a romantic song on fb and the clicked she liked it. I wanted to tell her that I dedicate the song to her but I think I might scare her away. It may be too soon for talk like that. Some of you have said I should go slowly. I am impatient. I want her now. I guess after six months of not communicating I can't ask for more now. She has been very friendly answering all my calls and messages. I have good communication with her and we are on for a first date. I can't stand going slowly. I really want to her to like me now. I want to hold hands on that first date just to see what she does. But I am afraid I might be too impatient. I want this to go faster but I suspect I might ruin my chances if I try to go too fast. Do you agree? We have established a good communication. Maybe I can go from there being consistent as you have suggested. I am not sure how romantic I should be if at all. Are flowers too much? The problem is that now that I have reconnected with this woman I have realized how much I like her. But that is precisely what makes me impatient. I want to know now if I have a chance with her. But according to some of you I need to put in some work and time into this. Like one of you said. if I disappeared for six months she is not going to trust my feelings one week after our first contact. Maybe later. I guess I have no choice but to be patient and consistent. God I hate this. Not knowing. And wanting her so much.

deleted_user 09/02/2013

Yes, bring flowers. But go slow. She might run away or question your sincerity if go too fast. At least I would. I'm so happy for you.

gabriel2012 09/03/2013

I am feeling pretty sad right now. I have to wait until tomorrow to know what happened. I texted her this morning saying I hope you feel better (she was sick this weekend) and send her a snoopy cartoon saying happy day! I never got an answer so I wrote to her a message on fb (the way we communicate) saying hi how are you I sent you two texts today maybe you missed them. I hope you are feeling better and you had a wonderful day. fb says she read the message at 1020 pm. She did not answer. Maybe she was too tired. She gets home at around 9 pm and tired. Maybe she decided to answer me tomorrow. But now I feel like she is ignoring me. And now I cannot write or call her any more. I have texted her and sent her a message which she read according to fb. so i have to wait until she contacts me. If I try to contact her again I will look desperate RIGHT?? we had agreed on going out this weekend. I don't know what to do if she does not contact me tomorrow. I know I am going to be waiting for her text or call tomorrow all day. And maybe the next day too. Shit. But then again, I ignored her for six months, not two days. Still, I feel very pessimistic about this right now. Who knows, maybe she will text me tomorrow from work or call me after work. She might have not seen my texts and maybe she was too tired to answer my message tonight. Mayber for her there is no big difference in answering tonight or tomorrow. I guess I will know tomorrow. If she does not answer by 9 pm tomorrow should I call her?

gabriel2012 09/04/2013

Thanks man. I really needed some feedback tonight. Everything was going so well. Now I can't sleep. Before sending the cartoon I hesitated a lot. I told myself this is not a good idea. But then I thought that couldnt hurt. I messed up. Now I had a terrible day and night and this will continue tomorrow. Unless she contacts me. I remember the last time I wrote to her on fb at night on a work day she did not reply until an hour and 20 min after she read the message!!!. And she only replied because I saw she was on line and I sent her a message saying hey are you there? If I had not done that maybe she would not had replied that night. Then after she replied I wrote back again asking can I call you? and she did not reply. The next day she replied at 730 pm apologizing saying she had fallen asleep. And then the weekend came and from then on things went well. She replied to my messages immediately during the weekend. Until today, the first workday after the previous incident. Maybe on workdays she is really tired and does not reply. She has a class after work and then she goes to the gym and gets home by 9 pm Maybe she will do the same thing she did that previous work day and write to me tomorrow night. Or maybe not. I hate this.

gabriel2012 09/04/2013

I just saw on fb that she was on line 23 min ago, past 1 am. My theory that she was too tired to reply seems to be wrong. im so sad

gabriel2012 09/04/2013

Thanks again man. I just don't understand. We had agreed to go out on a date this past weekend. But she had laryngitis and could not speak. I could barely understand what she was saying on the phone. But she would answer the phone and said she was willing to go on the date anyway. we waited to see if she got better. But sunday pm she was still very bad so she texted me she would love to go out with me but she asked me if it could be next weekend. I agreed and said thanks for trying. she replied thank you. Everything was very nice. Then I sent her that snoopy cartoon saying happy day! and haven't heard from her. can a cartoon be such a deal breaker. I really don't get it. She seemed perfectly fine over the weekend answering my calls and my messages. I know you say women are this way but this one seemed that she was not into that shit.

gabriel2012 09/04/2013

can a cartoon change the situation so much?

gabriel2012 09/04/2013

Maybe as one of you said, she is being cautious after six month of not contacting her. Maybe she sees the cartoon as fake. She might think I am pursuing her now because i am bored like one of you said. Maybe a friendly date was not so bad. But now she might have sensed I have romantic intentions a bit too soon and she is suspicious about that. I still don't get it why a simple cartoon should trigger this.

Join the Conversation

First
1
2
3
Last

Posts You May Be Interested In

Food Allergy?

Posted by: deleted_user

Last Reply: Iafaforallergy 08/21/2026

7

My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...

Food Allergy?