All relationships are a risk, whether long distance or not. I've been burned in relationships before. Most people have. To me, it comes down to two choices, never trust anyone again and act crazy in all your future relationships, or learn from past relationships so that you are better able to cope with all the good and bad possibilities that come with being with another person.

Long distance relationships are challenging. They can work but I think they require both people feel secure. If you don't, it can't work.

I would stop engaging people about your relationships who aren't supportive of you, and quit hanging out with guys who you perceive to have ulterior motives.

Try to avoid and ignore those who are unsupportive or jealous of your relationship. Make a list of all the reasons why you trust and love your boyfriend and use it as a reminder before you speak to him before this becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. If your past issues are being triggered you must resolve them by dealing with the hurt it caused you and then moving forward with your life so that you can love and trust your boyfriend freely regardless of what anyone says.

This is just one of the reasons why long distance relationships have challenges, and that's well said, but I will go as far as to say, they often don't work, for the very reason you're describing here. Anyone who is in a LDR, would have an adverse reaction to reading or hearing this from others, but if you're the type of person whom it affects, and incites you to question it, a LDR may not be a good fit for you.

Exactly. If you get caught up in what other people think, then it may not be a good situation for you.

I was in a LDR for two years, many years ago, in my late 20s, and it was a great relationship for almost all of it. Eventually though, he wanted me to move closer and I wasn't ready to move. That's really the only thing that was an issue, but it was a BIG ISSUE. That's just one hardship of many being with someone who doesn't live in the same area. Many couples find that they aren't always on the same page but in a LDR, it happens a lot and it takes a lot of work to keep staying on the same page. You cannot be insecure when in a LDR. It just doesn't work.

Wow... taunting someone about their long distance relationship is mean. I would stay away from those people!

Yep but it's meaner to take it out on your partner.

Moving closer to him, or even moving in with him in his current city is something that I'm strongly considering. Not because of trust issues, but because I'd like us to be closer to each other. He doesn't really want to move back to my city and I don't really want to live here either. We've been together over a year, so it's not a new relationship.

I've really been taking inventory of where I am and who I'm with when comments are being made so that I can actively avoid putting myself in the same situation. Also realizing that I was only seeing how the comments made ME feel...not how they made him feel, especially when he wasn't even around to defend himself. Beginning to see how they hurt me, but also how he must feel being accused of being a crappy person for no real reason at all.

It's good to take a step back and just analyze the comments, the source, the motives, and your feelings as well. I think the best thing you can do is just keep the lines of communication open with your boyfriend. It's easy to get stuck in your head, especially when in a LDR.

He was supposed to be here this weekend but is saying that he can't now because of a job he's been helping with. I know that is probably exactly the case, but it makes hard to shake the sense of dread and tension when I still haven't gotten to see him since we fought. Things still seem off and I don't know what else to say to move past the whole argument. Am I just trying to rush it?

You have to just suck it up. I mean, you apologized to him for going off, right? So, what's left is taking the steps to resolve your issues from your past relationships so you are not creating stuff that will ultimately push your boyfriend away.

Sometimes I also have the brain churning over things and the bottom line is this:
How a man feels about you is summarized by two things , no matter what he says.

- " it's in his kiss" If a man kissers you softly, gently when he sees you and holds
You in his arms for a long time like you are the most precious item in the universe, he loves you.

- how he treats you when you are wrong. A man who truly loves you becomes concerned, saddened and preoccupied by your distress, not pissed of and aggravated. He will want to know what you feel badly and he would want to console you and fix it.

Everything is else - is a bunch of crap.
That's what I learned after 40 years of living and only
This year.

I don't know. There are periods of tension in most relationships. Gotta say I'm not going to crawl up my husband's ass and try to make him feel better if he started some bullshit fight with me for no reason other than his insecurity. I'd be pissed and if it were a regular thing, I'd probably find myself emotionally pulling away.

I am lucky enough to where my boyfriend and I are emotionally stable people (or I think so anyway ;););)), and we don't have these kind of problems. Everyone is different and I guess there is no true right answer but I personally agree with rmb. What she stated about her husband is exactly how I feel about my current relationship. Though my boyfriend and I don't experience a lot of tension, when it does come up, I try to approach the situation logically as opposed to emotionally and he does the same for me. Sometimes we stay away from each other and that helps. Sometimes what is said back and forth between us could be interpreted by outsiders as "insensitive" or "unfeeling" but the important thing is that we understand each other... we "get" each other. That is so important. Does your boyfriend "get" you? Do you "get" him? Trust and lack of tension is like glue that holds a relationship together. How often do you feel untrusting and dramatic? I almost never do with my boyfriend and would hate to feel any other way. I have felt more negative in the past with other relationships because we did not "get" each other. If I were you, I would seriously take a break and re-evaluate your relationship.

I'd just like to say, that your relationship is new, at just over a year, especially when you consider that you've been long distance for part of it. Saying that it's not new, tells me that you don't have a lot of experience with relationships. I say this only because I have and I can tell you that when we are in love with someone, yet the relationship isn't good for us, we tend to grasp for reasons to hold onto it, and often make poor decisions, when trust or other issues arise, like moving to live with them.

You may think you're not moving to be with him for those reasons, but experience tells me otherwise. When we're in love, we can't see it because we're in the thick of it. Saying you've been taking inventory of your life, is grasping and an attempt to convince yourself it's time to make the move. Part of you probably wants to prove these naysayer friends wrong, adding fury to the fire, hence you're lashing out at him.

Be wise and wait this out. Don't spring anything on him, if you want to know his real intentions and desires. Don't overly apologize or talk about it repeatedly, or you'll look like the fool. Fake it if you have to, don't press for information, and try to enjoy each others company when you see him.

When people take jobs that move them to another city, away from their loved ones, family and friends, it often changes their lifestyle, and opens them up to new opportunities. Their outlook is different and even though they value the same things, the newness of where they are and the potential for what could be, takes precedence, and often family, friends, and loved ones, take a back seat.

For the person who's left behind, they can often suffer from feelings similar to being abandoned. They sense these minute changes, and the distance removes the necessary human touch, and look into their eyes, which acts as our barometer. Then all we need is one person to say the things these guys have said, and you're world is askew. But the truth is, it probably already was, it just took someone to point it out to you. We've all been there, and it's okay, just place you first, not the us.

I wish you well

I agree to just try to enjoy the relationship when you see him, do your thing when you don't, keep the lines of communication open and see where things go. Moving for someone isn't wise until all issues are addressed and you both come to an agreement about moving. I realize you can move wherever you want and don't need his permission to do so, but if it's moving to be closer to him, he should be in on that discussion because it affects him as well. You want to make those big life decisions when there's not tension or fear driving it.