Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

9,961 Members
13,641 Posts
1 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Healthy Relationships Support Group

Dating....past experiences have ruined me

Artchick
Artchick

I think my past experiences have ruined me for dating. I want love and affection so bad, I keep at it I guess. Anytime I try to go out with someone new I think "does he really like me, or is he just being nice, will he text me, am I bugging him, etc?". After "my friend" saying he wanted to be more than friends and then him just keeping me around but not romantically then telling me "we tried" I feel so paranoid I guess. I truly believe my friend did just keep me around until he found someone he really wanted to date because another friend told me he was going out with someone(I posted about this before). I don't want to be a burdon on anyone or be someones woman until the right one comes around. I deserve to have someone that really cares about me and I care about them. I just don't know if its actually even possible for me to find someone that we feel the same about each other. I have alot of love and affection to give to the right man. Not sure there is a right man. I have seen a new guy about 4 or 5 times now. He is real nice but I keep having all those doubts creep in about whether he really likes me or not. I can't just say "hey do you think this is gonna go somewhere or what". I'm sure that will really scare him off LOL

rmb
rmb
I wouldn’t text ever about anything having to do with a relationship you are in or a potential relationship, feelings, where each of you stands, nothing. Those are conversations to be had in person.

Hey I have a a lot of turd experience myself. If you are dating, the turds will come. I think it’s one of the laws of physics.

I want to clarify too that when I said once I stopped giving a shit about finding someone, that didn’t mean I suddenly found quality men. It’s just that I felt whether I did or didn’t, didn’t matter because I was ok.
koolman
koolman
Dating sucks. I focus on friendships. They're a lot more relaxing, a lot less nerve-racking.
yorman1
yorman1
If your a whole person you don't NEED, another to complete you. You have the choice to allow another in your life, full or part time BUT you can survive on your own
koolman
koolman
Yep, your desperation is scaring them away, or turning them into "turds". Just have fun, with or without a guy. Attack a sport or hobby with the same ferocity as you attack relationships. You'll find something besides a guy that brings you pleasure. And, if you happen to meet a guy along those travels, great, added bonus, let him into your already good time!
Artchick
Artchick
I know, I always think I need to know their intentions. I guess time tells their intentions. I just have been lied to so many times it makes me "gun shy". Ugg
chicagogem
chicagogem
You are right, you do deserve to have someone that really cares about you and you, them. I read a couple of your responses to comments, and it sounds like you have been through a lot in regards to relationships. I'm so sorry. Those kind of situations can really cause a lot of doubt and fear as you try to move forward. Do you have a close friend or family member you could talk with about this new relationship as it progresses? It might help to have someone you can talk through it with and encourage you when you're feeling anxious about it. I'd say keep taking it one step at a time, and enjoy each time with him for what it is in that moment. Wishing you all the best~
Artchick
Artchick
chicagogem I assume we are not seeing each other anymore LOL He actually texted me last night after not hearing anything for 2 week or so and ask if I needed sex. And wanted to meet up. I basically told him I couldn't right now and he said ok well you wanna just be friends. I said ok. I prolly won't hear from him again. This is how it kinda goes for me. I know it sounds pathetic. I think I just don't know the rules of dating in my 40's. I'm 44 and have been divorced 7 years. You think I would have it figured out.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • GreenEyes727

    Caricatures

    Posted by: GreenEyes727
    Last Reply: Tired
    6
    Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
  • GreenEyes727

    Truths

    Posted by: GreenEyes727
    Last Reply: GreenEyes727
    14
    We all have 24 hours in a day.  How we spend these hours is important.  Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do.  Gonna have to work on that.Your turn.  Tell me another truth.