Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I've posted in many groups my issues with my boyfriend in the past. I have issues letting go even though I know this relationship is extremely toxic to me. My current issue is boundaries and him continually crossing them.
He likes to smoke weed constantly and in my apartment. More specifically in my bedroom while I'm trying to sleep. He had been smoking in the bathroom which I was ok with. It's a compromise anyway. Again, he has been sneaking it in our room at is computer late at night. Last night he told me he was going to smoke in the room and I told him I was not comfortable with it. He then got silently angry with me, withholding affection and and being standiffish and short all the way to the next day.
He told me he wants to be able to do what he wants when he wants to and hates me telling him what to do. My view is that it's my home in which I share with my kids. I don't like that kind of stuff in my home and I cannot sleep with the smell in my room. The biggest issue is I find it just disrespectful to not care how much it affects me. It makes me feel he cares more about himself then me. The worst part is, I am scared to talk to him or say no in fear of him leaving the relationship or giving me the cold shoulder like I'm being punished for expressing my needs. I get shut down really quick when it has to do with him. Especially his smoking/drinking.
Our relationship is litterally hanging by a thread. It just hurts so bad that he doesn't respect my boundaries and that he would choose weed and his party life over me. I always vent but never do anything about it. I just am scared I guess to deal with the intense emotions. Especially with things going on in my life right now.
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
And he is not helping you.
When people show you who they are, believe it.
You sound like you have a lot on your plate and you deserve a partner who supports you.
Since it seems it will be hard for you to break this off completely in one swoop, then you have to at least insist on this video game nonsense. When he is playing his video games and being all loud with those in the bedroom at night, tell him he has to do that in the living room. That you have to get sleep for your work. If he won't do it, tell him - Okay, then you will be too tired to go to work and therefore you will get fired, so he will then have to get a full time job and pay every single bill from now on. OR he can just go play his video games in the living room all night.
This way, you are asserting yourself (in a small way, but it would be good for you) but you are giving him two options, so he shouldn't get mad about anything. That is completely reasonable of you to say that you have to get your sleep or that you can't perform at work and you will be fired. He will not get mad about this. And if he does, then tough luck, he will eventually go out to the living room.
He sounds like he's one of your children. And that he is using you for a free place to live. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but he treats you that way.
You need to really think about what is he even bringing to this relationship, who is doing all the work with everything, you or him? And does he cause you more stress and unhappiness than happiness, help and love?
You are so much more deserving of someone who loves you and treats you with respect. Think about how this is showing your children how a dysfunctional relationship looks, and think about how you want more for your children's future than for them to be around this bum.
Yes, he is abusing you mentally and emotionally. And your kids are watching and learning, either how to be abused, or how to abuse. No, he doesn't love you, at least not enough to make sure the relationship continues. Only you feel that way.
You are terrified to be alone. Maybe do some visualizing and planning on how it would be to live without the stress. Play it over and over in your mind, going through the day without worry, getting a good night's sleep, not feeling angry and afraid.
You are a beautiful, loving woman. One day you can find a good partner. This man is not the one. The money you need from him, either get a platonic roommate or some aid program to replace that. As long as you stay with him, you cannot heal, you cannot move on, you will not rest, you will keep hurting. And you won't be ready for that loving relationship when it shows up.