Healthy Relationships Support Group
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My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years now and things are up and down a lot which is normal to be honest. However one of the biggest factors is I feel as if I’m being controlled when it comes to one particular thing I love in life. That’s is going to concerts and music festivals with friends. It’s a tradition me and this friend group always do every summer. All these friends are guys btw. It all started when I wanted to go to this music festival 3 hours away with my friends. Of course I invited her and tried to see if she would come. She never said yes and obviously wasn’t comfortable with my going. She even threatened to break up with me if I went to this 2 days festival with my friends. She wasn’t willing to negotiate at all. Her excuse behind this behavior is mainly the big “M” which is Money. She thinks I have a spending problem and thinks these festivals are a waste of money. She has a different living situation as me and more bills which prevents her from doing a lot of the things I invite her to. But mostly cause she doesn’t want to go. She keeps saying I keep spending money like it grows on trees which isn’t true and says that I’m not gonna change. I rather spend my free money on experiences than just save that extra $150 dollars for future stuff. I’m not in a bad financial situation and comfortable.
Okay so long story short I ended up not going because I didn’t want to lose her over one music festival. However there is another one coming up in October that I really really want to go to. She obviously isn’t interested but my friends missed me last time and really want me to go this time and so do I. What should I do? I could either go and make her upset maybe even losing her...or not go, and feel really left out and that’s I’m missing out on memories.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
I can’t imagine why she would have the audacity to tell you how you should spend money, unless she is somehow contributing to your finances.
When someone really loves you, it brings this person joy to know that you are having fun.
Do you and your friends get drunk during these festivities ?
It's none of your GF's business how you spend your extra money (disclaimer: unless you are engaged in illegal/immoral activities).
This is just a picture of what the future holds if you maintain this relationship. And yes, it is very controlling behavior.
Shes projecting her own insecurities onto you, Stand your ground and have a great time at the music fest, Life is to be enjoyed,This is a lesson that she will have to face sooner or later, Bring this issue to the surface and discuss maturely,You cannot be stressed every year when wanting to attend get together's with friends ;(. Speak to her heart- because the issue is embedded
deep in there for her, Let her know she must face and conquer her own insecurity, It is challenging yet rewarding to do so, Good Luck!!! Light and Positive Energy to you.
Is there anything else that she is controlling about besides the music festivals?
Also.... your profile says you are 21 years old. Go have fun in your life for goodness sake! :) I had a blast during my whole 20s and I never regretted it. If there are too many of the "downs" than "ups", maybe she is not the right match for you. You are young, you should be out having fun! I hope she will join you in your adventures.... but if she won't... you go to these festivals anyway. She probably won't leave you if you go.
Is my advice.
Either she will go with you or not, that is her choice.
If she doesnt like your friends now she might not ever.
If you are going there and hooking up dont string your GF along.
ITs your money and you are being upfront and honest with her and inviting her along.
You want a healthy relationship, always be honest , open and upfront.
I would definitely nip this in the bud!!…. Big hug..... I hope that you go to the concert and have a blast!!…..xo
I agree with most, You should be able to go to your music festival- but as you stated in your post “You felt really left out last time.” I understand that she doesn’t really want to go, but maybe she feels a little left out, too when you leave for a few days to hangout with friends. It’s probably an insecurity of hers and she’ll have to work on it. Maybe help arrange something for her and her friends for a few days to help keep her mind off of you not being around. Or pay for a manicure for her while you’re gone..? Do something special for her to help her feel as important as your concerts.
There’s no need for people to tell you to get out of your relationship because she’s “crazy.” My husband and I, that have been together for 4 years, living together for 3 years, married for 2 months have just finally got the grasp of the art of LISTENING when the other talks- not just hearing them. Maybe she’s been dealing with a lot and she doesn’t feel like you listen to her problems. Sit down and have a CALM conversation about it, make compromises and remember to reassure her that it won’t be over budget.
Hope this helps.
This is a simple issue. She wants to control the one thing he really likes doing, and the reason doesn’t matter. For some people going to concerts is a hobby, similar to someone who’s hobby is golf or photography. Hobbies are important. Having things you do outside your partner are important. Her making it hard for him is selfish and shitty.
He says she’s controlling. He knows her better than anyone. Believe him.
She doesn’t expect me to buy her anything or spend money on her even though I do because I love her. She’s not that way, she even gets fusturated sometimes if I spend a lot on her. She wants me to save money, and she’s just nervous about me going off with my friends who she doesn’t really like but these friends have been my friends for years before her and I even met. So I tell her she doesn’t have to like all my friends but I need her to be supportive of the fact I have a life outside of the relationship.
I’m gonna sit down and talk to her I’m just having a hard time of figuring out what to say. Any advice?