Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years now and things are up and down a lot which is normal to be honest. However one of the biggest factors is I feel as if I’m being controlled when it comes to one particular thing I love in life. That’s is going to concerts and music festivals with friends. It’s a tradition me and this friend group always do every summer. All these friends are guys btw. It all started when I wanted to go to this music festival 3 hours away with my friends. Of course I invited her and tried to see if she would come. She never said yes and obviously wasn’t comfortable with my going. She even threatened to break up with me if I went to this 2 days festival with my friends. She wasn’t willing to negotiate at all. Her excuse behind this behavior is mainly the big “M” which is Money. She thinks I have a spending problem and thinks these festivals are a waste of money. She has a different living situation as me and more bills which prevents her from doing a lot of the things I invite her to. But mostly cause she doesn’t want to go. She keeps saying I keep spending money like it grows on trees which isn’t true and says that I’m not gonna change. I rather spend my free money on experiences than just save that extra $150 dollars for future stuff. I’m not in a bad financial situation and comfortable.
Okay so long story short I ended up not going because I didn’t want to lose her over one music festival. However there is another one coming up in October that I really really want to go to. She obviously isn’t interested but my friends missed me last time and really want me to go this time and so do I. What should I do? I could either go and make her upset maybe even losing her...or not go, and feel really left out and that’s I’m missing out on memories.
-
Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
-
Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Of course you spend money on her and what not. Couples do that for each other. I’m saying don’t feel you need to use that as a negotiation tactic to do things that you have every right to do.
Most relationships that are healthy are usually not fraught with ups and downs. Sure sometimes but really that is not the norm. So just tuck that away, so you don’t sort of normalize this. Her not getting help is damaging to you both. I suspect she does know she needs help but has no motivation to seek it because she hasn’t had to. It’s working for her given you back down on things you want to do. Her constantly expressing she’s not good enough means you are then constantly assuring her. That is a very unhealthy situation. I’m not saying break up with her just that this stuff does not typically get better over time unless she really makes a concerted effort to address whatever issues she has going on.
Wish you the best. I really do. You seem like a nice guy, but dating people who are insecure like that is a freaking drain. It really is. That is not love but a sort of dysfunction.
I don't know if you two combine expenses, live together, and how money is. I am assuming she sounds controlling but don't know if you two pay shared bills and you are always short of funds, for example, when rent time comes. Both of you need a life outside of your relationship. Everyone does. This may not be something you can make her change her mind about. She is telling you, showing you, who she really is. You should sit down and talk to her, make yourself some notes on paper and talk from those notes. Don't allow the conversation to get side tracked. But what if she can't or won't change? This is who she is and how she is. Your role in life is to figure out the good with the bad in this relationship. She refuses to get help with her mental health problems you say. So things won't get better unless she decides to change. You can't make her change. You can accept this relationship with all its flaws or you can decide it is not in your best interest and it is time to break up. That is the change you can make most likely.
I wouldn't even talk about the music festivals during this next talk with her. But speaking of that, I do think you should keep going to whatever concerts and music festivals that you want to go to. They make great memories for you, and these bands don't stay together forever and you have to see them while they're still touring, and you will feel left out, as you said, when your friends are talking about the festivals and you didn't go, and 20 years from now you will look back and probably have regret that you missed out on these concerts for a girl that you may or may not be with forever. Not to sound harsh, but the reality and statistics are that relationships this young, and already sort of unstable, do not last a lifetime. Meaning, you go have fun and live your life now, while you are young especially. Don't be mean or cruel to her about going (which I'm sure you're not), and always invite her to go also.
That you do love her and that you see she's hurting..... This comes from within her and you'd love to see her get the help that you she needs
PTSD needs treatment it doesn't just go away.... It's an anxiety disorder