Healthy Relationships Support Group

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Communicating

september2014
september2014

I posted on here earlier this week that my boyfriend and I had broken up. In the meantime, neither of us has been doing well. He saw my friend on Wednesday and told her that he missed me, that he missed being home with me. That he had stopped by the house to grab a couple things and broke down and had to go sit in his car for 45 minutes before he could go back in. I talked to him on Thursday and asked if we could work this. He said that he’s never been able to love anyone before, so I told him that there are some things we can work out ourselves...some may take talking to someone and getting some professional help. 


He said that he wanted to think about talking to someone, but certainly wasn’t ruling it out. Also that if we communicated and were open with how we were feeling, he thought we could figure this out. I asked if he would consider coming back home because I think if we’re going to work on making it through this together, we should be together. That it needs to be something we focus on and that’s easy to keep pushing something back when you’re not facing it. He said he would definitely consider it. 


We’ve been talking this whole time. He’s still telling me about his day, asking about mine, checking on me. He called last night just to talk. I had asked if he would please make a decision about coming home by Monday. That he couldn’t just leave me treading water indefinitely since this has been taking a very real physical and emotional toll on me. He said that’s he been feeling fear, sadness, other things that he can’t figure out. My friends think that he may have panicked...that it hit him that this was getting real and it may have freaked him out. 


Im trying to hold it together, but I’m sick with nerves waiting on Monday to get here. I scheduled an appointment for counseling on Sunday...even if he wants some to time before he goes, I think it’s in my best interest to start sooner than later. Everyone around us is optimistic that we’re going to make it through this, but I’m terrified of getting my hopes up. I just don’t know what to do with myself. 

rmb
rmb
I would just really make sure you are taking care of your emotional self right now. Stay busy, distracted. As much as you think you can’t work on things if he’s not living back at home, he may need to work on himself before he can work on the relationship. Moving back may trigger stuff for him. Not saying that’s true for him but I guess I’m saying even if he broke it off, he still likely is feeling sad or confused and he may be experiencing tons of emotions right now which don’talways follow a straight line. I would just protect yourself a little bit because you are right. You don’t want to be left hanging, waiting, because he’s dropping a few crumbs of hope.

Hope your therapy today is positive and brings clarity.
september2014
september2014
I went and it helped a bit. She said that a lot of his behaviors aren’t lining up with someone that really wants out. Choosing to sleep here even when I’m not, not getting more clothes, not having a plan. She thinks that he may have hit that transitional period when you realize things are getting serious, and freaked out. She does believe it would be best for him to come home though. We’re supposed to talk about it tomorrow so it’s just fingers crossed until then. She said it’s unfortunate, but there’s not much to be done until everything comes out of limbo.
DryEyes90
DryEyes90
You have to work on yourself.
september2014
september2014
He decided that breaking up was the best thing. That we had a chance at something special and we took the shot, but that he was unable to make that special happen...not for lack of effort or trying. I honestly never thought I’d be in this position again.
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