Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I'm jewish and my boyfriend is very Christian. We have no problems being together. I celebrate with his family (Christmas, Easter, etc.) I go to Church with him because a) I don't mind it and b) I'm trying to be supportive. But it really makes me so unbelievably mad when all his Christian friends always say to him, "You should really be with a nice Christian girl." or "I don't approve of your relationship." Good for you... you are not dating me so don't worry about it! It honestly makes me so livid because I'm supportive, I've always prayed to God since I was little and I'm just a good person... it shouldn't matter especially if it doesn't matter to us. It just makes me upset and not so much that they don't approve but the way they are just so rude about it. And these people who say these things all tell him, "She is the perfect girl for you but she is not Christian so I don't approve." they cannot give him a reason for doing getting rid of me, other than me being a non-Christian.
I need advice on how to deal with this.
I need advice on how to deal with this.
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
I've developed a really thick skin.
I also look past the hurtful words to the (generally) well meaning behind them.
But I'll say this, it's also turned out to be a VERY fast way to cut through the clutter and see who is self centered, and who's not. The people that 20 years ago were saying that stuff to me, are now, 20 years later...still self absorbed and just not the nicest people.
Avoiding them, turned out to be in my best interests.
Anyway, this will most likely always cause problems, so don't fool yourself into thinking it will never be a problem if you do XYZ...whatever ZYZ is LOL.. What my husband and I do is say, "We focus on the similarities instead of the differences. And there are more similarities than differences. Thank you for your concern." Most people accept this answer. But it doesn't stop what they say in private.
Try not to let it get to you. I know it's hard but if you guys end up staying together and marrying, that pressure from outsiders could get worse, so it's good to develop a thick skin about.
I think in their own weird way, they're trying to look out for him, so it's more about that then them thinking you're not a good person. Is your boyfriend telling them to back off on the religious thing? If not, to me that would be more concerning than what they're saying.
Some people who claim to be Christian forget that being a Christian means to be Christ-like. When I think of Christ, I think first and foremost about kindness, love and forgiveness. Kill them with kindness, love and forgiveness. The irony will be lost on them I'm sure, that the Jewish chick behaves more like a Christian than the Christians.
MY advice for you and your BF is to limit contact with people that try to judge you! I read in the bible once that God is the only one who can judge so what gives them the right ? They are being Christian hypocrits and I am guessing they are very ignorant about the Jewish religion as well.
If you are happy in your relationship then I say GOOD LUCK and do what ever you have to make it work. Love conquers all!
If I'm dating a woman and the topic comes up I simply say I don't know, I don't care to know, and please don't try to convert me.
I've went to church many times with women. I usually sit there trying to be respectful as I can but I'm usually not listening. I sit there and daydream about a TV. show I watched the night before or where we're going out to eat after church. If I don't do this and try listening I will get angry.
If your boyfriend has a problem with your beliefs, if he has second thoughts about being with you, if he doesn't seem just a little offended over what these idiots are doing you should have a serious talk with him.
It isn't any of their business and I would let them know that 'if' neither of you asked for opinions or advise.
I would simply change the subject or if someone is more forceful I would let them know in clear terms that this is none of their concern
I just read today... "the people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind".... xo
I'll look past that to what I'm guessing is a well intended meaning.
As I was saying...
Everyone someone does bring it up and he does stand up for us. His dad use to not approve but after he met me and see us together for a year, he said "I don't like she's not a Born Again Christian, but she is perfect for you." I actually like that answer because he took time to know me besides religion. My boyfriend usually will say something along the lines of, "My dad doesn't care anymore. I don't care. You are not dating her and I am" ... something like that. We've been together for a year and besides religion, we do share a lot of the same values. I pray, I don't believe in sex before marriage for myself, I take things slow. He's the same way.
It just really makes me sad that people, who don't know me that well, have this close minded attitude. I consider myself to be very open-minded and I know not everyone is but it's hard to deal with.