Lust in the eyes and heart, brings out the beast of anger in the female of the species, I can relate. Try taking your eyes off her tits and ass, look directly into her eyes, and try to be interested in what she has to say, with an attitude of kind but stern love. It's beginning to work for me.

Thats the wisest thing I've ever heard you say Koolman.

Hi Sleepy, sorry you are having trouble feeling human lately. If it makes you feel any better, StVal's is tough for lots of people at various times of their lives. A lot of us allow too much at stake in it. Fundamentally, it's just another made-up, special-occasion day. The problems you are having with your feelings are just being brought into focus because of all the phony expectations that come with the day.

It sounds like the previous women in your life have done you a great disservice somehow, and you need to explore those feelings and get to the bottom of it. You need to remember that the people in your past ought not be allowed to determine your future. More than anything, you are probably afraid of your own anger. You need to talk with someone about these feelings, at length and in depth. You can get better, once you have come to understand yourself.

Keep in touch.

Are you able to initiate contact with women online ?

Take it slow. Start by cultivating female friendships. Less stress for you and the women. It's OK and normal to find a woman sexually attractive. If we didn't that would be the end of the human race. Take your time. There's no rush to find a miss right.

On a side note, valentines day blows. The Walking Dead returns! That's what excites me.

Hey Sleepy, V Day puts all kinds of weird pressure on people and it heightens feeling lonely, down and inadequate. So remember that it's just a bit of theater, rather than a true representation of real, meaningful relationships and affection. It's certainly not a reflection on anyone's capacity to love and be loved.

I have a feeling your internal voice is exaggerating how you think you come off to women.

I like the idea of just taking the pressure off yourself by having a couple of female friends where you can just be yourself. And then too you can practice so you can see what normal interactions with women looks like. Like maybe they can even show you how to glance at a woman discreetly so your body and mind start to understand what it feels like. It's like learning to drive a car. At first you're not sure how hard to push down on the gas peddle. With practice, eventually you get a feel for it and it then at some point you just know instinctively.

I stare at beautiful women myself and I'm a straight, married woman. I even catch myself starring to long, or I'll get caught starring by the person I'm starring at. It's ok. I don't burst into flames or turn to ash. It's awkward for a second and then I just turn away.

I know it's hard if you've had situations in the past where you feel humiliated and hurt. But we have to choose to not let things that happened to us ruin every potential good thing in our lives going forward. Really, we just have to decide to make that leap, even when we are afraid. I think so many people in the world have had trauma, from childhood, relationships, etc and if everyone just stayed stuck there, no one would ever love again, have children, friends, etc. People are amazingly resilient. Give yourself credit for surviving your past but don't give it any more power than it deserves.

By the way, your age is not an issue. It's really not. It feels like it is because you're measuring yourself against your peers and some goofy idea that we've created that says if you don't have it all figured out by 30, there's something wrong with you. It's a lie we are falling for.

All my friends were married in their 20s, my siblings were all married between the ages of 19-28 and I was just sort of trying to still figure things out, feel good about myself and really understand what it is I want in life. I don't think I was completely at ease with myself and with relationships until starting in my mid 30s.

Big hug for you Sleepy... I know that I've written the same thing before and I know that you haven't been able to get there yet sweetie however I think once you can address this with a professional over time with some work you can and will heal... Another hug and a blessing...xo

I apologize for all my typos... I have the new phone keyboard blues.

I used to work as a secretary. One place I worked there was a 26 year-old man from a wealthy family & very handsome. A super nice guy. I was 33, very pretty and busty. This man was SO SHY that if I even said, "Good morning, Scott" he would blush bright red and totally lose his composure. He probably hated to see me coming, because he knew he was going to be "exposed" as a grown man who was still "afraid" of women! So you are not alone.

@Aronia: I've had mixed results with initiating contact with women online. It's generally not as bad as in person, but it is still very awkward for me. Once I eventually get over this fear enough to try dating again I will likely do so through online dating services so I can keep all the contact with women through a computer until I know them enough to feel comfortable meeting in person.


@Soulsearch: The problem with building friendships with women is that I'd have to overcome this problem in order to interact with them. Even professional friendships with women at work are very awkward for me. Part of me also feels guilty when I make myself interact with them since it feels like I'm just using them in some way (even if it's just as practice to get better at talking to women).


@Rmb: My fear stems from encounters with abusive women throughout my life. A large part of it is a fear of attracting the attention of similar women and giving them even the smallest thing to accost me over (like claiming I was staring at them).


@SunCloudJD: I'm still saving up to be able to afford therapy. Unfortunately medical services in my state cost twice what they do in the rest of the US, and I'm on Medicaid (which most doctors in my state refuse to accept).

Sounds like there's a lot more going on. I got a counselor that helped me tremendously. Coming to terms with past issues might bring light to your self loathing. I'm a lot like you. It tool some time but I've become a bit more independent and happy with my life. Actually dating to have fun instead of thinking I really like this person and hope we have a future. I live in the now. It's nice but I've made a few mistakes that have turned into life lessons.
If I were you I wouldn't be in a big hurry to date. See about councling.
If it's not for that's fine. Doesn't hurt to try.

@drew: There's quite a bit of background behind my fear of women. It covers quite a bit, including being physically assaulted by women and multiple cases of women threatening to make false accusations against me in order to get me to do things.

This has gone on my whole life and after a breakdown a few years ago I started experiencing symptoms of what I now know is referred to as Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (essentially ptsd that stems from many smaller incidents rather than a single major incident). However, I would have to see a specialist to find out exactly what it is I have. As a result I deal with painful flashbacks and dissociations on a daily basis, to make matters worse I can't even turn to my family for support (or let them know about this issue).

It's already awkward enough trying to make up excuses for these episodes when they happen around other people or at work. Having to try explaining them to a date would be even worse.

Fear invites aggression or even hostility. It's a fact of life. I don't even think it's a woman thing. I think it's a personalities rubbing each other the wrong way thing. I think you may be placing women on too high a pedestal, instead of regarding them as colleagues or equal human beings like I think you should.