Hi, if your former boyfriend's mother has Stage 4 cancer, then he must be really stressed about her. I don't usually send text messages but I've heard that no one send emails anymore.

I would just send him a short text saying that you hope that is as well as can be expected with everything that he is dealing with. If he wants to talk he can always call you after receiving the text.

Hi Jennifer,

I think it's been, what, about one month since the break up?

Ask yourself first - why do you really want to call him. Be honest within yourself. Are you hoping the conversation leads to him saying he now has time and he would like to see you?

I remember your posts from before. I do think he is very busy and also obviously with his Mom's condition.

I guess what I'm saying, is IF you are *hoping* for a nice conversation... possible visit... etc.... Then, wait a little while longer before contacting him. It will stir up feelings in you, and I don't want you to get hurt again. He didn't have any time a couple months ago, and I would think he still doesn't have time.

In other words, just in case you are hoping for "more"..... he would be the one contacting you.

I am wondering if it is too soon to check-in on how he is doing. It is hard to be friends immediately after most break-ups. Takes awhile of complete no contact and time apart.

How did it finally end with you guys? Did you ever travel there to talk to him in person, a couple months ago..... and if so, how did that go?

sorry, but if you could not understand what he was going through, then why would he want to talk to you.

Hi,Jeneferswe, I would try to keep your self busy with diversions

You can't heal if you are constantly thinking of him or focusing on him.

The hard truth for you is that if he wanted contact with you, he'd reach out. That was the boat you were in when you first wrote about him. Yourself being too available tells him you do not value yourself so why should he value you.

You letting go frees you to move forward in life to other things.

Hi Jenn....from the time of your relationship it seems to me 'he had boundaries' of what he didn't 'want'. It was 'him in control'.

You've had a loss in two areas. First him, then the upcoming move out of where you live, thus lots of stress and change which can be very difficult.

Personally, I'd focus on my own life and responsibilities. It's Hard I know to loose a support and something that you enjoyed. Time now with opening up your New Life, with New Freedom from past responsibilities.

Everyone is right. This move has been very stressful and I am very lonely. My son is not good with talking about some subjects. He gets angry.
Thank you for your help.

UrbanG, you give such sage advice. I needed to hear these words of wisdom too: you can't heal if you're focusing on him. Thank you.

I hear you Jenn about 'topics' with your son....there are Many areas which are Off Topic to keep the peace in the little time I now spend with him. Atm, it's like I'm totally alone with No Son, he's not responding to emails, texts and doesn't call me....I only see him sat/sun 20minute drive to and from work....he hasn't been staying after work last two weekends. It's .Hard.

I know it's really hard Jenn to not have x's support right now. I hope the new avenues you are seeking for your son, his future independence, will give you some free time to seek out new areas for yourself and areas of interests. Hugs

I get it - you are such a caring person. It is hard but if your reaching out in a friendly manner I guess there is no harm from it. I dont know the details of the break up so, I wonder if it was amicable? You could also ask yourself, is there a reason why you want to open a closed door - whats the purpose? If its friend to friend I think its alright. I wouldnt set the bar high though...
Hope this helps! your feelings are valid though and its normal to think about an ex, but then again there was a reason why it didnt work out too.

Big hug Jen.... I know that this is hard

I'm coming from a different perspective... I cared for both of my folks when they were dying and I was messed up and grief stricken

I don't know how your ex feels however it's a really really painful time

Showing support for someone else I don't think can be a wrong thing to do.... And I think sometimes putting someone else before yourself is a kindness....xo

Thank you guys.

Sending a card via regular mail might be an idea for the future -- that way he doesn't have to answer and you won't be sitting around waiting for a text reply or calling you back. But mostly, I think communication wasn't good between you two and he's pulled back. Take the time now to create a happy enough life for yourself. Focus on you. If he isn't able to be a good BF right now, that is something you can't change.

I'm on the other side of thinking. To show sympathy and concern for a sick person is just an act of kindness. There is not enough of that in the world.

Thank you both.