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Am I expecting wrong ?

Mini-Doras
Mini-Doras
 




Hi all , 




My problem started when my Brother In Law moved to States . Though he is 32 but totally immature and messed up - its a diff story 




Right now my sister is visiting for 3 weeks for the very first time after our marriage . This is the first visit of any of my family member to States after  7 years of marriage . I wanted to spend each and every hour with her along with Hubby and kiddo . Suddenly my BIL calls and says that he wants to visit us exactly same time , when my sister will be here . My hubby did give him some hint before that my sis is viting but today he asked my husband bluntly - "which days u have holidays so that I can come" . I have asked my husband to ask my BIL to postpone his plans and visit us after my sis leaves . And there started a fight.




My Hubby argument is - He is family and then I am his brother - he can come over whenever he wants and even if your sis is coming , we are not going to change our plans. He is coming to celeberate christmas and new year eve with family - so no point telling him no. 




My argument is - This is the first time ever someone is coming from my family  ( His folks have visited him twice - one of which is recent visit in JULY - where his parents and his brother were there for 1.5 mnths . We are from India - so staying this long is kinda OK ) So I wanted to have our family time with no strings attached  ( BIL is kinda lazy bum . Stay awake till late night ; Wake up late and will ask for food ; Wont help in house chores at all . My husband at times ignores it ; other times complains to me - not to him ) . My sis also not very comfy with BIL since she takes time to open up and she was really looking forward to spend time with us in States .I also wanted to have my sis have her special bonding with my kiddo who is 3.5 years . With BIL (with whom he has bonded well ) around , i guess he wont bond with my sister that well. I also wanted to have trips ( which we will have ) with just four of us - so that my kiddo has exclusive memories with my sister ; but now when BIL will be there - this wont happen . 




I never said that BIL is not welcome. My only wish was - Let us have some quality good time with one of the member from my family for 3 weeks and since this is first time anyone visiting from my family side . I was really looking forward to it and was getting all emotional .




Am I expecting wrong ?




rmb
rmb
I personally don’t think it’s a matter of who is wrong or right. I’d compromise if it were me. Your sister will be there for three weeks. You can make exclusive time with her during that time, no? I mean, couldn’t you and your husband work out a schedule or plan so you all aren’t with each other every minute of the day?

I get being annoyed. I just think the more you push back at your husband the more he’ll dig in. Is your BIL planning on staying the whole three weeks your sister is staying?
veggiequeen
veggiequeen
I too would be annoyed. But hopefully you and your sister and the little one can spend some time and plan some things together. Also....the BIL should understand if you, hubby, kiddo, and your sister do make plans for an outing here and there without him. (If he is up late, sleeping half the day...tell him you want to "let him kick back and relax "for a day. Maybe that would work)

You too deserve quality time with your family as well. Good luck and happy holidays to you all.
rmb
rmb
Also I’m not saying just rollover to your husband. I just think you both have room to do some negotiation.
september2014
september2014
When you get married, you combine families. Sometimes that’s convenient, sometimes it’s not. Just because both your sister and brother in law are staying at the same time, doesn’t mean you have to do everything together. Because it’s a temporary situation. I’m all about picking your battles and this may not be what you, your sister, or anyone else involved would prefer right now, but you just gotta soldier through. If it’s something that seems to KEEP happening, then sure, time to have a sit-down. But there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being disappointed. You had certain expectations and plans...a wrench has been thrown in. Take the opportunity to work WITH your husband to find a solution and to help with planning.
Mini-Doras
Mini-Doras
Thanks everyone for replying and supporting , Still working out my way . Hoping for the best
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