so I confronted my partner (via text because I’m too chicken shit to do it face to face,for receiving and watching videos of women pleasuring themselves) this morning only for him to come home to receive the text when he is home so it becomes a face to face (sorta) conversation/disagreement. I ask what does he get outta watching these videos (and after a bit of deflection and trying for excuses) he tells me he gets nothing outta watching them. So I ask why does he watch it and ask for it when he knows it hurts my feelings and disrespects me? His answer? ITS NO DIFFERENT TO YOU WATCHING PORN WHEN IM NOT HOME (he didn’t yell it I’m just so fucking mad that those were his words, because people I don’t watch porn for fun, I respect him enough to not do that to him). He says I’m over reacting blah fucking blah. I get it, not every female has a problem with their man watching some other woman pleasure herself, but the fact is I do. I have a major problem with it. If you want to sit and watch another woman pleasure herself or scroll through pictures of naked women then fine but not when I’m your partner and have expressed my thoughts and feelings about it. I expect to be treated the way I treat him. I don’t think I’m asking too much. Oh so you go without seeing a vagina being played with? well I have one that gets neglected come and actually play and look at it (after you have helped with the children and they are settled for 15 minutes) that would be better then watching something that gives you no pleasure. You want to see tits? Well I have a big set (kinda deflated lately due to breast feeding our 5 month old) why don’t you play with them? Oh I’m not a young skinny tanned female with no cellulite and have an ugly fake pleasure face who wears makeup like a hooker? I NEVER FUCKING WAS SO WHY YOU WITH ME IF YOU DONT FUCKING LIKE IT AND HAVE TO LOOK ELSEWHERE TO FIND WHATEVER GETS YOU GOING?!?!? Don’t tell me you find me attractive and that you love me when you look at naked women behind my fucking back!!!!!!!! 

I know I’m not the only one who dislikes it, I also know I’m not the only one who’s expressed their dislike to their partner about it but I feel like I’m the only one who sticks to their guns and fights it. I won’t accept it, if my sons have a girlfriend who expresses their dislike to an action and my boys haven’t changed but want the girl to stay I will be beating their arses till they pulled their heads outta their arses and woke up to themselves. 

Thats another thing that makes me think this is doomed, he says that he has had to sacrifice a lot to have a family (we don’t go out to pubs etc, we never did before kids just so you know). He makes me feel like I’m not worth changing or sacrificing for but demands (pretty much) that I continue to work full time (I work in a very emotionally stressful job) and look after the two boys and live an hour outta town with his parents. I mean honestly all I ask for is respect. 

Sorry if this is all over the place but I can’t take it for much longer. I’m just so fucking angry, hurt, scared and hopeless.