I read some of your background. The fact that your husband is angry as hell... but at the illness and I would guess himself (since he sounds like a resentful person shifting all the blame instead of taking on even a shred himself.) Unfortunately, the ones closest to us are the ones first to experience all the emotion they have thrown at us.... whether we deserve it or not.

And I will say... you DON'T DESERVE IT!!! I grew up in a dysfunctional family and while only recalling one instance of physical abuse...verbal abuse was almost a constant , I would suffer a long time from the same type of hateful, nasty comments. it would take me several bouts in counseling or therapy to finally come to understand and get past the negative impact this has on a person (Hell, I still have struggles now because of it)

You need to spend some time for you ... time with your little girl to create your own good memories. have you any type of counselor or support group? There are case workers who can get some assistance and relief with his care. No law that says you need to spend 24/7 as his verbal punching bag. Plus his family/ friends can pop in to visit to relieve you .

I have spent my entire life sacrificing and doing for others and putting myself on the back burner. Now regretting what I have missed and trying to break free and experience a bit of life again. Please don't let him or anyone convince you that a word of this is true.

YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON WHO IS TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING. AND CARING FOR OTHERS. Please remember and try to learn to also care for yourself. Not many people would put up with what you do to help someone you love. Your compassion and that precious little girl should be gentle reminders of just a hint of gifts yu are blessed with.

Much love and hugs.

Where are things with your husband’s illness? Not that it excuses your husband’s behavior. Just to see if he’s still in decline? Your last post mentioned that he was dying. Was he this belligerent before he got sick?

I agree with veggie queen to get some counseling or additional support.

Sorry for all you are going through.

Ouch.

Hope healing happens here.

It sounds like he is taking what he feels about himself and projecting it on you. What do you ruin? Is he trying to step outside of your relationship? He could also be trying to hurt you to match his hurt. Either way, there is an underlying issue that a counselor can help resolve. Please do not take his words to heart. They are not about you.

How is your daughter dealing with this?

How much more of this will you take? I really do understand loving your husband even through the pain, but perhaps it would be better for your girl if you live somewhere else. You could still remain married, and you could still help your husband...but it would put your daughter in a safe space and protect her from this abuse.

Kids, especially school aged kids look a whole lot more resiliant than they are. They also basically seem to be deaf. But about ten years later, everything that they hear hits their brain and the kinds of language that they hear, starts coming out of their mouths. This can be really great...or really horrible.

I had a high school friend who grew up in 3 small rooms. Kitchen, her parents' bedroom that you had to walk through to get to her bedroom. They had almost no money...and were the happiest people I've ever known.

Zero

What must i do

Do you need another i am around

My husband has started dialysis quite a while back. He is feeling weaker because it takes so much out of him. His potential donor goes in Monday for testing.

I know he has been under a lot of stress. But his anger has gotten worse. A small mistake on my part ends in a huge explosion. He was asleep and I stepped outside to get something from his mom. I forgot my phone inside. He woke up and was looking for me. When I came back in that’s when the yelling happened.

If I forget something, or just write something down so I don’t forget he gets mad “you should just be smart enough to remember, are you that stupid that you can’t remember?”

If he gets in his tirade and I don’t answer fast enough then I don’t care. That’s what it is, if I forget something, I don’t care. If I don’t automatically know what he would want for dinner or to drink I don’t care.

I do care. I wake up early every morning with our dog feed him do everything I can to keep him quiet. I then get his clothes, well everyone’s clothes together. Then I take 20mins to get ready,get him upget his medicine together get him out the door then get our daughter ready and take her to daycare. When it comes time to the end of the day I put our daughter to bed. I get him in the shower grab his pjs. I stay awake until he is asleep in case he needs anything and to make sure the dog stays quiet and doesn’t wake him. If he wakes up in the middle of the night I must wake up and get him something to drink, fix his pillows make sure he’s okay otherwise i “don’t care”. He is fully capable he is not handicapped or on a disability in the sense that he cannot take care of himself.

I will also add that since before we moved into our current house he has not slept in bed. I couldn’t tell you the last time he was in bed. We sleep on the couch (it is a big sectional) he refuses to go in bed so in order to be with him I sleep on the couch with him.

I try so hard to make him happy to help alleviate as much stress that I can. I make mistakes. I forget things. But I make mistakes and when he gets mad it gets worse because I’m so afraid of messing up that I end up doing that regardless.

I’m just tired of being the bad guy. I want to help him but there’s no discussions it’s just anger

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmbrAWDft0s

This is insane. You must be so exhausted.

Was he always like this even when he wasn’t sick?

Definitely not to this level. He would get upset but not as extreme or hurtful. This level of anger has been the last year or two. There’s just no room for discussions. When I try to bring up my feelings it takes it as a personal attack. That I’m trying to make him into the bad guy. But I’m just trying to talk and find out what he needs from me. But his rest is always, “I shouldn’t have to tell you, if you love me like you claim then you should know what to do. I shouldn’t have to tell you.”

I’m normally not a proponent of dragging in laws or parents into issues but because there’s a significant health issue going on, I think you need not only reinforcements, but a freakin’ break. Have you reached out to his family and said you need their support, perhaps disclose his verbal abuse, how it’s affecting your family. I would also talk to your doctor or his doctor about what’s going on, that it’s affecting your overall well-being, your family etc.

You don’t deserve this. Get some help.

Not another minute or day more. Get out ASAP. It took me five years to finally leave a man just like yours and it does not get better without professional help and lots of it. You'll be happier if you leave and maybe he will get help to change. If not, he will move on to his next victim. Eventually, he might even be arrested, put on a 5150 hold, or be killed.

Sorry, I didn't know your husband was so sick. Although, so is mine. He's on opioids for back pain which is constant for him. He smokes, abuses anti-biotics, and generally just doesn't feel well at all. This is no excuse for abusive behavior. Have you though of having people from your church come over and pray with you and him and try to counsel you. Honesty, I have found, is the best policy. What do I mean by this? Be 110% honest with yourself and your husband and his family and any others who can provide support about what this is doing to you. Your husband really needs to hear it, first and foremost. As the Great Teacher Jesus once said, "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free."