Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I don't know what to say here. I opened the new topic because I need to tell someone, talk to someone. But once this page was staring me in the face I suddenly didn't know what to type. It's like all my anger, hurt, devastation, self pity, loathing and pain got jammed up in my thoughts and feeling door and can't get out. It feels like typing it out just makes it hurt that much more.
My partner of eight and a half years, my fiancee for the past 6 (I know, long ass engagement), may of cheated on me. Not really knowing is almost worse then knowing for sure it happened. I found some messages, asking when he was coming over again, discussing how he could dodge me, telling him how cute he was in his batman swim trunks and asking about his underwear. It was more her then him, but he didn't exactly tell her to back off. And the when are you coming over AGAIN????
I woke him up and confronted him. He claimed nothing happened. He went there for a beer. He cried, he apologized, he said he never wanted to hurt me but he was unhappy for a while. He said he would delete and block her....but they work together. He asked if I wanted him to avoid her, I told him that was his call. He swore nothing physical ever happened. But how can I trust him???
I trusted nothing like this would ever happen either. Obviously it was misplaced trust. If I believe him am I doing it again? I have NEVER had a problem with him hanging out with girls. Some of his best friends are girls! He has always been able to tell me he was going to hang out with some of his female friends and I've never gotten upset. But he hides going to her house for one beer? Or at least, he says it was one beer.
I never snoop through his things either, never question where he goes, I never get suspicions. I booted up the computer to message a pal and since we have alot of the same pals...thus messages from the same people...it probably took me about two minutes to realize it wasn't my facebook. He uses the computer maybe twice a month and never stays logged on. I was going to log out when the message caught my eye. Why did I open it? He has been alluding to some great suprise he got me and I thought, since I didn't even recognize the name, maybe it had something to do with the suprise. Yea, I was snooping to find out what it was. But I got a different type of suprise in the end.
One I don't know how to deal with. Out of all the feelings I'm having right now there are a few that are stronger then the others. Betrayal is top of the list. I feel....used, stupid, weak. And I'm so angry. So so angry. I want to find her and beat the day lights out of her (I won't, I'm not that type of person) and I feel this deep rooted need to hurt him emotionally and deeply as he hurt me (again, I won't, it's not in my nature).
Where do I go from here? What do I do? Trust is something I don't hand out lightly. There are three people in this world I trust completely....that number is now 2. I'm so lost.
My partner of eight and a half years, my fiancee for the past 6 (I know, long ass engagement), may of cheated on me. Not really knowing is almost worse then knowing for sure it happened. I found some messages, asking when he was coming over again, discussing how he could dodge me, telling him how cute he was in his batman swim trunks and asking about his underwear. It was more her then him, but he didn't exactly tell her to back off. And the when are you coming over AGAIN????
I woke him up and confronted him. He claimed nothing happened. He went there for a beer. He cried, he apologized, he said he never wanted to hurt me but he was unhappy for a while. He said he would delete and block her....but they work together. He asked if I wanted him to avoid her, I told him that was his call. He swore nothing physical ever happened. But how can I trust him???
I trusted nothing like this would ever happen either. Obviously it was misplaced trust. If I believe him am I doing it again? I have NEVER had a problem with him hanging out with girls. Some of his best friends are girls! He has always been able to tell me he was going to hang out with some of his female friends and I've never gotten upset. But he hides going to her house for one beer? Or at least, he says it was one beer.
I never snoop through his things either, never question where he goes, I never get suspicions. I booted up the computer to message a pal and since we have alot of the same pals...thus messages from the same people...it probably took me about two minutes to realize it wasn't my facebook. He uses the computer maybe twice a month and never stays logged on. I was going to log out when the message caught my eye. Why did I open it? He has been alluding to some great suprise he got me and I thought, since I didn't even recognize the name, maybe it had something to do with the suprise. Yea, I was snooping to find out what it was. But I got a different type of suprise in the end.
One I don't know how to deal with. Out of all the feelings I'm having right now there are a few that are stronger then the others. Betrayal is top of the list. I feel....used, stupid, weak. And I'm so angry. So so angry. I want to find her and beat the day lights out of her (I won't, I'm not that type of person) and I feel this deep rooted need to hurt him emotionally and deeply as he hurt me (again, I won't, it's not in my nature).
Where do I go from here? What do I do? Trust is something I don't hand out lightly. There are three people in this world I trust completely....that number is now 2. I'm so lost.
Actions speak louder than words. Pay attention to his actions.
I hope you will be okay. Take care of YOU and your Daughter.
She has been deleted off his Facebook. He cannot avoid personal contact at work but we openly discussed that. I just don't see the point in stewing on what was done instead of focusing on what can be done next to make it better.
The key difference is pleasure seeking vs using sex as weapon, commodity, currency, etc.
Young women who were victims of abuse or some other circumstances relating to sex are emotionally broken in that respect; dissociation is common and while they are using sex to trade for something and/or to feel something slightly resembling healthy intimacy they are in constant battle of testing/ trying to prove and disprove to themselves that a strange man is capable of filling the void left by the abuser or bad parenting or both. Usually they subconsciously pick a situation that is self limiting - like a one night stand. It is almost like : " well, there it is, there is proof that healthy love doesn't exist, therefore everything that i am doing is justified and appropriate "