Healthy Relationships Support Group
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This is about my kid. I want to give a little background - my daughter is 13. She is a really good kid and stuck on my like glue right now.
Her life has been complicated, but much less traumatic that other kids I know. So - her life : she lost a a reltionship with her father recently when she started to get older. Before that they were really, really close. This happened because she started seeing the same things which caused he and I to divorce. I didn't do to anything to cause it. in fact , I tried to help nurture their relationship.
Then, I had my accident and was sick for a long time and she had little supervison from me, she was mostly with her father.
Once I got back on my feet about 1.5 years later, I took her with me and then she got in trouble at school for sexting with a boy and doing/saying some really inappropriate things to friends. It affected her deeply, I took her to counseling and had some straight up talks with her about sex and relationships and her self worth and Behaviour. She got into sports, excelled at school and tuerned right around. This was 3 years ago. She has not been spending any time with boys and turning down dates for dances or anyone asking her out at school.
So, last week she completely caught me off guard, because she admitted that last August , when she was playing Sims game online , she met a boy from Arizona and they have been in a long term relationship/ friendship ever since. She showed me his texts and their conversations are extremely deep and mature and heart felt. They are discussing real life's problems.. Not some stupid crap.
I was floored and especially since this has been going on for a year and they NEVER met. They skype and he is really a boy, not some pervert.
She told me he wants to move to our town for college in 2 years.
I am not sure what to think about this... Just so surprised...
I believe that teenagers can have meaningful relationships just like adults. My first one was at 14 and it was very adult, so I have no doubt that they have some strong connection going on...
I m just afraid that she will be disappointed... The odds are against them, even if they continue to enjoy this friendship.
What do you guys think?
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
I feel very fortunate that I haven't " lost" her when she got off track back then...
She talks to me often about sex and relationships....
I think she learned the lesson the hard way when she got in trouble because apparently she and the boy who was sexting with her both got in trouble, but she got most of the heat and at a time when it was the worst for her, during public shaming and me and her dad having lots of tough conversations with her , that boy withdrew and immediately moved on to someone else. Public shame is a huge thing..
I also feel he got less shaming simply because girls are still treated differently.
I hope things go well for her and I would love to talk to his mother and see how it goes.
I think when you're 13/14 so much is deeply emotional, period. But physiologically, the brain isn't developed enough at that point to give those emotions context, to be able to rationalize through them. It's the same reason cause and effect, consequences, being able to predict outcomes, are lost on children. That part of the brain develops later, like in your early 20s.
If I can offer anything, it's to keep in mind intelligence and intellect does not equate maturity. This was always an issue with my husband and his ex wife. She allowed my step daughter to do so many things early on, I think because she was very academically intelligent, very verbally gifted so it seemed like she was superior to kids her age. My husband did not approve of allowing her to do some things and would try to tell his ex wife that but then his ex wife started allowing her to do things without his knowledge. The result: ending up pregnant at 16 by a 19 year old. It was all so predictable and yet I believe preventable, or at least as a parent TRY to prevent it.
Anyway, that's my little cautionary tale. You're being a good mom by examining whether this is right for your kid. It's a tough balance between being both your kid's mom and friend.