Hello Deb. Welcome to DS. I've been looking for what I am currently calling, "Grand Family Support" since 2019. I keep hearing that Grandparents raising grandchildren is the fastest growing demographic in the industrial world, but? ? ? Why are we not finding one another? I think part of the problem is that our circumstances are so diverse. Insert Leo Tolstoy quote here? “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” There are so many aspects of this we don't even have names for, much less therapy programs.

I'm not new to this website, but the sudden onset of my 2nd parenting career was still a tangled personal and bureaucratic nightmare when Corona crowned. We buried our son and his wife in October 2019. Is it lucky that their 3 children, 6, 4 and 8 months, were already living with us in protective custody? The baby was born into protective custody and spent her first 8 months with here mother's mother.

In January, 2020, we had neither time nor presence of mind to keep up with current events in China. Our first clues of the global shutdown were surgical masks in the grocery line and school shutdowns. By Daddy's birthday at the end of March, we were grieving the loss of our world at least as much as we were grieving the loss of Mommy and Daddy. Televised social work and family court dates felt like a cruel joke. Here in the second year of 2020, I am not quite sure how we are faring. By what yard stick shall we measure? I am finding it hard to trust the Virtual Reality yardsticks. An easy statistic in this is that this baby has now spent more than half her life in isolation. The stats are quite substantial for big bro and big sis, too. "At risk" don't mean what it did when they were placed in protective custody around a year before their parents were killed in a car wreck.

Our circumstances are radically different, but gentle empathy on the heartaches.

Prayers in progress that we can find ways to help one another through.

Thanks so much for the kind response! It's very difficult to have to bury a child, and then to take on raising their child ( children) in some ways just compounds the pain. Corona really didn't make that much of an impact on me personally, as I am somewhat agoraphobic anyway. Zack had a lot of social issues in public school especially with bullying and had been asking for a couple of years to be home schooled, however I don't think it turned out to be quite what he had hoped for. Granny actually makes him do the work, and do it over if the grade isn't up to standard.....lol And no video games until everything is completed to my satisfaction. And he still has chores to do. He is starting to feel the strain of being socially distanced from the world at large, and will return to "normal" school next year, however I have warned him that if the grades drop or if there is any trouble of any kind that I will put him right back on remote learning. I wont tolerate bad grades and I wont spend my time running back and forth to the school over behavior issues or bullies. But at 13 he seems to think he will do what he wants when he wants and we have begun the battles of who's will is stronger and who is in charge. I'm entirely too old for this nonsense!! He's gotten lazy and nonchalant about his chores, and doesn't seem to care how angry I get, except when I ground him from his video games, but doesn't want to accept the responsibility for that happening. Somehow it's just me being mean for no good reason. I could keep going..... Deb

Feel free to keep venting, Deb. The oldest of my current charges is only 7 and still childishly sweet, but I remember those adolescent challenges all to well from my first parenting career and feel more than a bit apprehensive about beginning those challenges in my 70's. I will be 78 when the baby turns 13. What is the appropriate attire for an 80 year old soccer mom? My eldest is now 41 and our relationship hasn't changed much since his early adolescence. How evil am I for wondering which of my sons died first? Almost as evil as being grateful he has no children?

Keep venting, Deb. It be allot to sort.

Listening. . . You are not alone.

For the gentle inventory
This forum tends to be so slow that it is hard to keep up with. I tend to lose track of the threads once they fall off my newsfeed. Feel free to send me a message if you need/want. I spend most of my DS time in the "Anxiety" and "PTSD" forums. Nobody seems able to relate to the challenges of a second parenting career, but there is allot of support available on this web site. It's worth a surf.

Don't give up It's to soon > Residential care can be horrible for children. I'm raising my grandson who was born addicted to Heroin , has Autism 1 and PTSD. He's 11 years old I got him when he was 5 and let me tell you it was insanely hard. He had been abused sexually and physically in foster care. He'd bang his head into walls, hit my dog and my son. I'd wake up in the morning and my house would look like it had been broken into. holes in my walls etc.,
I'm all alone as well.
Thing's have gotten better with counseling and sports church but most of all love from me and not giving up

Hello Catskyn, I believe Z has autism to some degree, and we've been on the waiting list for testing first in VA for nearly 2 years and here in MO for 2yrs so far. Not just 1 waiting list either, something like 8 places. It's very difficult. He's ADHD/ODD/PTSD that we know for sure.

Debbi I feel bad for my comment. I was a little hard on you and I shouldn't have been. My 11 year old grandson has the exact same issues . Thing's are better with my grandson but honestly it doesn't always feel that way. I'm 54 and on my own.
Some day's I feel like I can't do it anymore but I know I have to. MY grandson was in foster care. He was in six homes in one year. He was molested in those homes by six boy's when he was only four years old. CPS in Oregon told me if he ever lands up in the system again he will be put in an institution.
I also have a 14 year old son and my grandsons behavior has had very
negative effects on my son. I feel guilty but I love my grand baby and can't give up on him . I think your words scared me because I know that facilities can be so untrustworthy and these children are lost without us.