I mentioned something to this effect in a post the other day. I don't think the failures post online like some of us do.

I would be curious if they all saw the same surgeon and followed the same program, or lack of program. Also what weight did the start at? Were they morbidly obese, obese, or overweight?
Never forget that WLS is only a tool and will only work as far as you work it.

Well, they are all from my center of excellence and would have had one of the two surgeons available. We do have a wonderful program and tons of education...

There were a few who are still considerably obese, but started at a pretty high weight. These folks have lost in the neighborhood of 100 lbs. So I get that they may have quite a ways to go still, but have come a long ways already!

These are all WONDERFUL people, so I do hope no one takes my post as a negative towards them.... I just think you (golden) may have hit it on the head with the tool part. Sure, some of them might just be real slow losers, but I think that some are probably not utilizing their tool to the maximum potential.

I just want to be so much more successful! I don't even want to be what I would call thin... I want to keep some of my curves! But I do want to be able to fit in and no longer be the 'fat one' in the room! And to be honest, most of the postop-ers in this group could not do this.

So... maybe I'm just having those "almost surgery time" worries! :) :)

It is really difficult to understand how hard this journey is, until you are thrown into the deep end and have to start swimming. All the classes and research and preperation really does not show it completely. You have to live it to fully understand. The head work after the fact, and the mourning, and dealing with the physical illness that comes with learning to eat again. you have to really want it, and keep wanting it.

I wander if those people at your meeting have lost then gained, or just losing slow. I feel for anyone that takes on this monster. Failure would be the easy part.

This is the reason i choose not to go to meetings, you need to remember there are other things that can contribute to slow weight loss, family history, certain medications, and metabolic disorder. There are so many other factors that go into losing and its harsh when others judge before knowing your journey. Their are people who dont follow the program and i know there some who choose not to eat right or exercise but then theres people like me who are on medicine that cause weight gain and whos entire family is over 400lbs and i have metabolic disorder this journey is alot harder for people like this. I hope everyone has a smooth journey but that not the case for some of us.

Thank you ladies!! I appreciate your openness! And I for sure do not even venture to know what it's like on the 'other side'... I do plan on being successful and I plan on working hard to get it. And yeah, each of us has our own story and history to go with it... And none of its easy, that i am sure of! :)

Well put...all of you !!!

I certainly want to succeed,and lose as much as I can towards my goal weight range. I need to see after it's all said and done, what "looks good" on me, as my Dr and I discussed. Because I am 5'10, and when I lost 80 pounds before, (I started back then, at a lower weight-This is the highest I've ever been now). ...I looked good, and any more weight would have made me look more skeletal, and I don't want that.

I want to keep some of my curves, I like me that way, along with a few other choice people in my life! LOL!

So, thank you for being honest ,and sharing your observations and feelings about before and after. It will all help me, and others that are pre-op, in the long run, to know that this is a life long journey, no quick fix. And, that we all do have different issues or conditions, that may not warrant losing more, than the next person, due to meds, or whatever other situation or disease/family history !!

I get that! Totally liked this post and replies.

Have a great day!!

Betsy

I had the sleeve 4 weeks ago today... I've lost 20 pounds so far so not completely physically disappointed however emotionally I am... I read all the time on here... the excitement the determination and the wondrous successes... I don't consider myself a failure.. yet I hesitate to post because I am still struggling with these emotions... and because of that I feel like a failure waiting to happen...

My life is a stressful one... in a "challenging" marriage.. elderly parents I'm terrified of losing.. working 2 very demanding jobs.. husband unemployed...best friend very sick with no site of improvement in the near future...a daughter and her 3 little ones living with us (who I might ad I adore

continuation of thoughts LOL... my stressful life is not meant as an excuse but as an explanation as to why it is difficult to wrap my head around the things I need to do to take care of me...

these obese people that attended this support group apparently have not given up and they are still trying... and for that I applaud them... where were the ex-obese? who knows maybe they didn't need the support that night... I applaud your concerns over this... it only goes to prove your determination to succeed... and that you will :)

we're all different.. with different circumstances... different support or non-supportive surroundings... I don't believe anyone goes into this intending to fail... I don't believe there are any clear cut answers as to why some are successful.. and some are less successful... Life is what it is for each of us... My best wishes to all for a successful journey :)

I'm with you Becca. I don't plan on having this serious and life changing surgery to only loose 30-40 lbs!!!

" I wonder how easy is it to NOT follow the program"

It's VERY easy not to follow the program, especially if you don't get sick or dump (me).

I also just think the online support is priceless! Thank you all! For this and other life issues I've dealt with, I always reach out on the internet and find wonderful, helpful support. And when I speak to people who do not find these resources, they struggle much much more. Yet I often find that professionals pooh-pooh online support.

I five those people credit for going to the live support group. My only experience at one was a month post-op at the hospital where I had my surgery. I gotta say if that was the only support I got, I'd be in a much different (worse) place today.

I benefit greatly from both on-line and in-person support groups. One is my day-to-day lifeline, the other is my face-to-face, I can't hide behind my computer lifeline. Both are very important to me. Mine is a Center for Excellence also, but all outsiders are welcome, and we do get a number each month from area hospitals that don't have support groups. The other thing I see every month is at least one person, and it is a different person almost every month, that has "slipped" and is not following a program. They are not part of a regular support system, and have gained 40-60 pounds back and want to get back on track, but sadly, they seldom come back and it isn't because of the group. This group is very friendly, supportive, and has great recipes, and good guest speakers from time to time. My personal feeling is that following the plan is top in importance, but a good support group is right up there, whether it is on-line, in-person, or both. I also agree with goldenrivers, we don't all post our failures. When I feel like I am failing, I just read other peoples successes and try to recover, but in hindsight, the best thing I could do is post them and feel the uplifting support from this group.

Y'all prove to me over and over again I am in the right place! I was hesitant to post this initially because I didn't want to come across sounding like I was putting down the people in my support group... My only goal is to understand. And I thank all of you for helping me to do that... And Maxine, please know we welcome your posts always! The good and the not so good :) If we were only here to share the positives with, then I don't think we'd be a real support group :) :)

we have no one to blame but ourselves... between the online support groups and face to face there is always someone you can reach out to assuming you're comfortable asking for help..... no one goes into this to fail... but it can and does happen... and that is so sad.... I have 2 friends who "failed" however they are significantly down from where they started...and they are ok with that... I want more.. my goal is more... I too am eternally grateful for this site... and it's challenging thoughts... and motivational pushes :)

I agree with the rest of you. It's possible that the people who haven't had as much success as we are hoping to have might not have been as prepared for they changes THEY have to make within themselves in order to be successful at this. These are the people that need the support in these groups more than anyone else.
Being one of the people that has been morbidly obese my entire life I worry about this. Will I be able to make the change in my mind and in my heart needed to use this tool to the highest potential? Or will I fall back in to old patterns in order to find the comfort of life as I've always known it?
I pray that I am able to make that change...

I try to get to my in person support group as often as possible, they are held once per month. The last one I went to was in May (there is another next week) and there had to be 75 people there easily. I was very impressed at the turn out. The group recently had to be moved to a larger facility to accommodate everyone. I was very impressed with most of the people who chose to stand up and introduce themselves and share how much they lost. I find the in person groups inspiring and help me get my head in a good place. But I feel that my day to day support really comes from this group.

There was a wide range of loss and varying rate of loss shared at the group. But until you have had the surgery and are living post surgery it is hard to understand just how difficult this new life is at times. I did much better in the early months. Now I am a little over 9 months post op and I am struggling with old habits and head games. I have lost 136 pounds so far and the scale is still creeping downward slowly but still going. I do not dump easily which to me is a negative, I wish I dumped at the littlest bit of sugar. I have learned what I can and cannot eat sometimes the hard way, LOL. I knew this journey was going to be difficult going into it. I have had numerous friends and acquaintances who have had the surgery. I have watched most do incredibly well, one lost in the beginning but is gaining the weight back, I was shocked the last time I saw her. So like you have heard a million times, the surgery is merely a tool, it is not a cure or an easy fix. You really need to work the program as best you can. There will be days where it seems like everything is falling apart but you just pick yourself up, brush yourself off and start over. There will be other days that go great.

I was an unlucky person who had serious complications from surgery. I swore to myself that after the horrible start I would never gain weight again, I was going to follow the program to a tee and be a perfect WLS patient. Well.. that certainly was much easier said than done, LOL. Your mind is very powerful and changing the way you think is the most difficult part of this journey!