Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
One of the things I struggled with for the first few months of being GF was resisting the urges brought on by that not-so-little voice telling me that "It's Ok to go just once. Just bring a little money with you, this time will be different. This time you will know when to leave. This time you will know when to stop.You'll just have fun! "
I tried to ignore that voice, but it got louder and louder.
So I had to argue back:
My internal responses to that voice were:
"One definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome. I don't want to be crazy anymore"
"I have no brakes. I wouldn't get into a car with no brakes and expect to make it stop by sheer determination"
"Look at these bank statements!( Highlighted the casino withdrawals) just look at how much I've lost!"
What are your arguments back to that obnoxious voice? What does the angel on your one shoulder say to the devil on the other that is trying to get you back to gambling? Please add them to this thread, as they may help everybody who is struggling with those first few weeks/months when the Stinkin Thinkin is loudest.
I tried to ignore that voice, but it got louder and louder.
So I had to argue back:
My internal responses to that voice were:
"One definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome. I don't want to be crazy anymore"
"I have no brakes. I wouldn't get into a car with no brakes and expect to make it stop by sheer determination"
"Look at these bank statements!( Highlighted the casino withdrawals) just look at how much I've lost!"
What are your arguments back to that obnoxious voice? What does the angel on your one shoulder say to the devil on the other that is trying to get you back to gambling? Please add them to this thread, as they may help everybody who is struggling with those first few weeks/months when the Stinkin Thinkin is loudest.
More not so great news from my doctor (that sort of killed the I want to go thing flat). Bad news can do that to you.
At least I did not go to the casino.
However, the reason I am awake now at just after midnight is because I am angry.
I felt like getting up and getting dressed and going to the other casino that is even closer to where I live.
Instead, I took a couple of pills and hope to fall asleep perhaps soon, I don't know.
I'm not at all well and this is part of the reason I got into gambling -- escape from this illness that I have which is also no damn good for anything.
Too bad I cannot hook the disease up with The Voice. I'm sure they'd get along just fine.
At least I did not do it.
No word from my late father's friend. I will wait to hear from him and see.
The flight is on it appears but now my husband does not want me to go but he doesn't have the balls to tell me that. Instead he comes up with these stories about problems he may or may not have thus keeping me on the hook wondering if I'll be able to go on the trip on not, right up until a day before departure.
He angers me. If I had a brain in my head I would have divorced him years ago. I was set to do this, yes I was and then I got DX'd with multiple sclerosis, an evil disease that hold hand with that damn Voice from hell.
The Voice-Life is SO unfair. Why did YOU end up with MS instead of some a-hole who abuses their wife and kids or beats their dog? You've already used up all your bad luck, now it's time to go and have some good luck at the casino!
You-Yeah, life IS unfair. And I had the bad luck to end up with this crappy disease. I know how "luck" can turn on a dime. I've LIVED it. I've been totally betrayed by"Lady Luck". She's not getting my cooperation anymore. *I* will have power in my life in EVERY AREA I CAN,* I* will influence every outcome I can, and not voluntarily leave any other aspect of my life to LUCK.
Voice-You deal with this disease every minute of every day. You deserve an escape! Those bonuses make you forget all about MS. Go escape for a while, you deserve it, in fact, you need it!
You- I KNOW how much of an escape it is, I've escaped there many many times, It's an illusion, all pretend. But then the escape haven turned into someplace I need to ESCAPE from! Those "hits" DO make me feel better for the moment. But the losses, which occur much more often, (and I invariable play till they come)- they lay me flat out on the floor, sick and scared. It's the "crack high", with the inevitable low that follows. It turned from an escape hatch to a prison, from a place that lifted my spirits to a place that stomped on my soul. And the stress that follows makes my MS worse! So it's no good for me emotionally OR physically!
You- Yeah, he's a jerk alright. But I've already been hurt enough by him, and going to the casino is going to hurt me EVEN MORE! Does revenge sound good? Sure it does. But gambling away his money is also gambling away MY money.
Plus, those people at the casino wouldn't be happy to see me if I wasn't contributing to their end of the year bonuses! They are just using their friendliness to USE me. It's not a charitable institution with a mission statement of "We want to help you live a fuller, happier, healthier life". Their mission statement is "We want you to come here, give us as much money as you can, and hopefully get you hooked so you give us ALL your money!"
So, I need to find another way to deal with this miserable marriage, and my general discontent with my life. Going to the casino will just add to my problems, not take them away.
sg
So, what I did it lock that money up into some very long-term investments when she passed away.
I can't really get to it which is good and I did that for a reason. I do not trust myself.
As for my husband, he knew he was going to get tossed to the curb and then the DX from hell. What could I do? Nothing is the answer, nothing.
So here I am still dealing with this little boy that acts like a child even when he does get his way.
His latest attempt has not worked. I asked my doctor about his alleged emergency problem/condition yesterday and she said the problem is NOT AN EMERGENCY and never could become one. That said, it was a very quite ride home (he actually went with me this time rather than have me go alone to run all of the errands and perhaps fall again ...).
I'm going to go forward with my plans and they do not include him being he did not want to go w/me. What am I supposed to do? Sit around and wait for him forever? It isn't going to happen so I must get on w/my life and if he doesn't care to be a part of it, well so be it.
That goes for the casino too. I don't want it to be part of my life and I haven't allowed it to be for over 2 mos. now.
As for my husband, he doesn't care what I do with the money. He is as disinterested in it as he is me.
Sucks like all hell but I'm stuck and I know it.
This is a good conversation that stupid voice. I hope it goes away soon and never comes back!!
And you are doing great with those seductive, destructive voices. Both of them :)
I agree, you should go if you want to. Hell yeah, you will go!!! :)
Me-I tried controlled gambling. I couldn't control myself And yeah, I can take someone with me, but deep down I'll just be planning ways to do what I want to do anyway. And if I do get out of there with some money, I'll just be sneaking back the next day, or even later that night! I'm an addict, dammit. I don't WANT to be an addict, but I AM. And the definition of an addict is someone who has no control. So I just can't go. So shut up, Stinkin. Just go the hell away!!!!
How about this one?
One casino, two casinos, three casinos, NO MORE CASINOS! :)