Fibromyalgia Support Group
You're not alone in your pain. Fibromyalgia is a condition that can be difficult to diagnose and manage. If you're trying to cope with pain throughout your body, sleep problems, general fatigue, or other common fibromyalgia symptoms, you're in the right place. The community is here for you to talk about therapies and share your challenges.
Good morning! Today, therapy is: Listen to the Words, not the Emotions.
Sounds basic, right? Well, try telling that to pi**y husbands. *headdesk* (or wives, in fairness, sorry, gentlemen, did not mean to be sexist there)
This is a lesson in Marriage for Dummies, also found in Communication for Dummies, circa 1995 or so. When marital issues arise.... Such as Hubby screaming at me as he has started to do... I resort to my Dummies books to remind myself how to keep us married and loving, instead of stupidly divorced. (Like his parents, who remarried each other over a decade later, instead of going to bloody dam* therapy. OMG.)
Listen to the WORDS. Not the EMOTIONS. This means *your* emotions and *their* emotions.
Example:
Me: "IF you resent the travel time to take me to see Mom at rehab..."
Hubby: "I don't fuc*ing complain about..."
Me: "Listen to my WORDS! I said IF, IF you resent. Listen to my words, not your emotions!"
Hubby: "(much profane muttering)"
Me: "I am saying, listen to the wrods, IF you resent the travel time, the driving, then we can talk about expenses on taxis or finding some other way to get me there and back, to take some stress off you."
Hubby: (Profanity redacted because I'm tired of using asterisks) "I don't resent it, that's what you do for family, I admire you so much for taking care of your family, it really hurts you'd think I'd be such a *************".
Me: *sigh* "Hon. What did I say. What were the WORDS? Think a second." (as I seethe with emotional hurricane-strength urges to destroy something)
Hubby: YOu said I resent...
Me: "AHEM!"
Hubby:..... "Oh. IF I resent."
Half an hour of his declaring how he'd never resent such things (despite yelling the opposite in the heat of a moment or ten of late).... Words allowed emotions to be clarified, and he stopped snapping at me every two seconds. I had to remind him that it was not easy to be the Adult when I have a lot of Emotional Stress, but I wanted to recognize HIS stress, so we can both be LESS stressed, teamwork, there is an I in marriage, but it's in the MIDDLE (also found in older versions of Marriage for Dummies), so I want to give him space if he needs it, but he has to reciprocate or it's all shit.
***
*collapses with exhaustion*
But as you can see, we resolved a *potential* issue that was being flung about as a hurtful slew of bullshinola during a mutual meltdown moment, and by hearing the WORDS, and shutting off EMOTIONS for a bit, we *both* got to have our EMOTIONS acknowledged, expressed, and much hugging ensued.
Ta-da!
***
That'll be two dollars per minute it took you to read that. (My therapist's going rate, I did the math.)
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OK, arm is worse today. It's the weather and fibro. Super hot humid yucky equals Pain anyway, so the sprain is reacting.
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Much hugs, much purring support to EACH and EVERY SINGLE ONE of you, lurking or replying or whatever. We are Team Fibro-Mighty!
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Welcome to the Perseid meteor showers, the "biggies" usually every year. (The Leonids beat 'em one year IMHO).AND today much of the northern hemisphere will see 5 to 99% solar eclipse. How cool is that? Your best bet is to be in the UK or norhtern Spain, where totality is excellent before sundown. Me, I'll get a super duper tiny itty bitty slice of it, so little that it won't be noticeable. New...
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I'nm exhausted. This doxycycline thing has ripped me apart and I'm eating crackers and water. I can't take (anything) or eat (anything) except saltines and toast and maybe unbuttered watery mashed potatoes. Are we sure the cure isn't worse than the possible disease?!?!And a week to go. ***Fun cures that WERE worse than the disease:ARsenic. Popular against STDs, which just compounded misery...
Twin, sorry you got a triple whammy: pain, depression, and anxiety! Ugh, no fun! And training on top of that? Sending you lots of chocolate to get through it!
Bbmom, the rental sounds nice other than a few broken things. Good luck with all those relatives! lol
Fantod, thanks, I am burned out. Yeah, I wish my husband weren't gone so long. It would be nice if he were coming home tomorrow. But nope. More than 10 days to go.
And Fantod, I'm super excited for you about your knee. I wonder what kind my mom got the other day?
Leo, thanks for the reminder that we still have to deal with marriage even though fibro exacerbates our emotions. The work of marriage is certainly tougher when everything hurts and your energy is depleted. Even more so when your spouse/partner says so something that really hits you in the gut. My approach these days is just to be honest about how I feel. I kindly tell my hubby when I am irritable. That way he knows that my tone (which could mistakenly be read as emotion) might not be in line with what I feel.
Anyway, glad to be back! I've missed you all!
Sorry your arm hurts so much, Leo. Thanks for what you said about the marriage stuff. The longer one is married, the easier it gets, I think. Listening to the words, is huge.
I am really pooped from my 4 days with the grandkids, and the 3 hour drive home. Loved to see them, but it always wears me out. I have some things on my mind that are causing some anxiety. Sometimes this anxiety feels like it will never end. My husband and my kids really have no idea what goes through my head all the time. I wish I could just turn it off sometimes.
Hubby comes home tomorrow, late morning, from Minnesota. (Nowhere near you, Kel). Hubby had a successful conference call yesterday with a new customer, so he was happy about that. Sunday we head to our daughter's, and hubby flies east somewhere to do a job. I think he is done on Wednesday or Thursday. So only 2 days for me to recuperate before we take off again. I will be looking to relax after all that, I'm sure.
I know I've been saying this all week, but I'm just not up to responding and greeting everyone today. Please know that you are all very special to me. I should be feeling a little better tomorrow. Take care.