Fibromyalgia Support Group
You're not alone in your pain. Fibromyalgia is a condition that can be difficult to diagnose and manage. If you're trying to cope with pain throughout your body, sleep problems, general fatigue, or other common fibromyalgia symptoms, you're in the right place. The community is here for you to talk about therapies and share your challenges.
Good morning! Today, therapy is: Listen to the Words, not the Emotions.
Sounds basic, right? Well, try telling that to pi**y husbands. *headdesk* (or wives, in fairness, sorry, gentlemen, did not mean to be sexist there)
This is a lesson in Marriage for Dummies, also found in Communication for Dummies, circa 1995 or so. When marital issues arise.... Such as Hubby screaming at me as he has started to do... I resort to my Dummies books to remind myself how to keep us married and loving, instead of stupidly divorced. (Like his parents, who remarried each other over a decade later, instead of going to bloody dam* therapy. OMG.)
Listen to the WORDS. Not the EMOTIONS. This means *your* emotions and *their* emotions.
Example:
Me: "IF you resent the travel time to take me to see Mom at rehab..."
Hubby: "I don't fuc*ing complain about..."
Me: "Listen to my WORDS! I said IF, IF you resent. Listen to my words, not your emotions!"
Hubby: "(much profane muttering)"
Me: "I am saying, listen to the wrods, IF you resent the travel time, the driving, then we can talk about expenses on taxis or finding some other way to get me there and back, to take some stress off you."
Hubby: (Profanity redacted because I'm tired of using asterisks) "I don't resent it, that's what you do for family, I admire you so much for taking care of your family, it really hurts you'd think I'd be such a *************".
Me: *sigh* "Hon. What did I say. What were the WORDS? Think a second." (as I seethe with emotional hurricane-strength urges to destroy something)
Hubby: YOu said I resent...
Me: "AHEM!"
Hubby:..... "Oh. IF I resent."
Half an hour of his declaring how he'd never resent such things (despite yelling the opposite in the heat of a moment or ten of late).... Words allowed emotions to be clarified, and he stopped snapping at me every two seconds. I had to remind him that it was not easy to be the Adult when I have a lot of Emotional Stress, but I wanted to recognize HIS stress, so we can both be LESS stressed, teamwork, there is an I in marriage, but it's in the MIDDLE (also found in older versions of Marriage for Dummies), so I want to give him space if he needs it, but he has to reciprocate or it's all shit.
***
*collapses with exhaustion*
But as you can see, we resolved a *potential* issue that was being flung about as a hurtful slew of bullshinola during a mutual meltdown moment, and by hearing the WORDS, and shutting off EMOTIONS for a bit, we *both* got to have our EMOTIONS acknowledged, expressed, and much hugging ensued.
Ta-da!
***
That'll be two dollars per minute it took you to read that. (My therapist's going rate, I did the math.)
***
OK, arm is worse today. It's the weather and fibro. Super hot humid yucky equals Pain anyway, so the sprain is reacting.
***
Much hugs, much purring support to EACH and EVERY SINGLE ONE of you, lurking or replying or whatever. We are Team Fibro-Mighty!
-
Another day, another ouchie?My bruised achilles tendon (don't ask) makes my foot numb. Wonky on meds, whacked it.Now, as to fibro:A lot of reports are going around some parts of social media that fibro (and dang near anything else) are caused by post-Covid, post-flu, post-vaccinations, post-pick-something.1. Your risk of death or serious complications beyond "ow, that shot hurt!" are typically...
-
Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
I will do my best to listen to words, not emotions. That can be very difficult thought when I'm dodging the knives and plates being ummm "accidentally" tossed my way. (She has a killer right arm!) :-)
I hope that you find some relief for that arm. Take it as easy as possible today. I'm sending you arm healing vibes..good, cold northern ones that will help bring down the swelling!
Well, we decided to go the refi route yesterday which pretty much guarantees that I'll never in my life truly OWN a house. I was alone signing papers, very anxious, and had one of my faux stroke type deals that shoot lightening across my brain. There is about a 30 second period that I can't do anything afterwards...including walk. So far I've been able to keep my balance but have to stop in place. Afterwards I couldn't remember the date...which had to be written in about 20 spots. I kept looking at my watch to get it...but always forgot the year. Had to re-look or ask the agent the year. Very scary stuff. This boy aint right! Of course you all probably already guessed it!
At least the brain, or lack thereof, stuff made me forget about my pain for awhile. In the immortal words of Monty Python:
"Always look on the bright side of life" ( let me hear you sing it now)
Peace, out,
Kel
Kel, wow that episode sounds scary. How often does that happen? I thought my syncope with the coughing was bad. We've become used to no mortgage and we still want to build. So I guess the cycle will start again. Nice to not have to pay that kind of money out each month. Sigh.
I'm dreading getting up and started. It's going to be terribly humid and hot. I am making progress in my cleaning and organization. I should never have to buy yarn or patterns for the rest of my life!
"God put me here to finish a certain number of projects. I'm so far behind, I'll never die!"
Good, pain free wishes for you today.
Kel, that is not good what is happening to you. Have you been for to the doctor for this? Sounds like TIA's to me. You should call the doc. I understand about the refi. We did that to do construction on our house (has been completely gutted and redone throughout the years) and if we didn't refi, it would have been paid off last May. How depressing to think of. But, we have to do what we have to do.
I am feeling horrible today. As I said above the humidity is high, which isn't good for me. My teeth hurt and I keep having sharp pains to my head, chest and groin area. I am exhausted too. Last night when I got home my kids had left the place in shambles. The kids were either at work or basketball camp, which was probably good for them. I was ticked off. So, I did the dishes, vacuumed, mopped, etc. I was asleep on the couch when Sonny got home from camp. I then went to bed and after falling asleep, daughter comes to tell me she is home. Then there was no sleep until around midnight. At 1:30 my hubby got home from his recent hazing series (it isn't really hazing, but I don't have a better word for it. However we both agree drinking until he pukes would be a whole lot easier.) So, in a nutshell, I am beat, I feel like crap and have a sh*tty attitude at work. Thank goodness 2 work days till vacation.
All, I hope your day is going well.
Kel, that sure sounds like some scary stuff. I'm sure you've mentioned it to the doctors before, but maybe you should revisit it. Maybe with a neurologist? We had to refinance our house too so I understand how you feel. Not a great place I want to be. Big supportive hugs and healing vibes your way for the brain jumpstart. Definitely not right!
Bobbii, I'm glad you're making progress with the cleaning and organization. I love feeling accomplished with cleaning projects. I love the quote you used, I'm glad you'll never die. :-)
BBmom, I hope that crummy attitude turns around for you and you start feeling better. Your sharp pains sound just miserable and in so many spots. Sorry your sleep was interrupted and then you couldn't get back to sleep. I absolutely hate when that happens. I would hate having my husband come in that late.
I'm experiencing the same 3 for me pain, depression, and anxiety. I have to train a little today and tomorrow with my supervisor. He is a great guy, but it doesn't matter how nice the person is. I hate training and I hate being at someone else's mercy and schedule. I'm very schedule motivated and I hate deviating and change.
I hope everyone can manage their pain today.
Bobbi, woot! You can do stuff! Envying you.
BBmom, oh boy, that's tough. Soft rest to you.
Twinmom, I'm with you, training is yucky. Luck to you.
I have to go see to some doctor stuff for Mom. I have been so worn from that I haven't been doing enough exercise, but my hubby has kept up with his, so I feel so pudgy and slobby. *sigh* Oh well....
Blessings to alL!
We are enjoying the heat and humidity here lately too. Hopefully it'll break soon!
BBMom,
I'm very sorry to hear that you are having such a bad time of it. Hopefully you can find some R&R time on your vaca. I think we all find it hard to take the time we need for ourselves.
twinmom,
I'm like you, I really feel uncomfortable when someone messes with my schedule! At least you have a nice boss to work with so hopefully it'll go smoothly for you!
I listened to the words :-) and contacted my doctors office, explaining the symptoms. Hopefully she'll refer me to the proper doc...she has been kind of uninvolved lately because she is leaving.
Thanks to all my fibro warrior friends!
I'm glad I'm not alone on the training. Thanks Leo and Kel!!
Mnfibro: Now I'm whistling Life of Brian songs all day, haha. I hope you'll get good news from the doctor and that things will get going in short order. I'm glad you contacted after such a scary moment. Good luck.
Bobbii: Cleaning and such can take so much out of us, but it's still worth it if you can finally relax without the mental clutter that comes with physical clutter.
Basketballmom: Just a little longer until vacation. I hope that then you'll be able to catch up on enough rest.
Twinmom: I'm terrible at dealing with abrupt and short-term changes in my schedule. It messes with my energy management. Good luck with your training.
My perpetual struggle of balance in my fibro continues. Balance of having to expend energy to make energy, but expending too much of it will leave me drained for days on end. Walking the razor wire tight rope.
I stare at the check-in every day, and have for months, to be honest. I struggle being open about what I'm thinking or feeling most of the time, so even internet stuff can be hard for me. But fibro has robbed me of all my social contacts - turned out those great friends weren't that great, if you couple it with my difficulty to communicate. I worry about my already odd self (never managed to be one of those people considered “normal”) losing any and all ability to make contact if my social anxiety keeps growing because I'm not exercising my people skills.
I woke up a complete train wreck today. Two of my three cats are now "frenenimes" after over a year of not even acknowledging each other. They decided to have several near skirmishes very early this morning right outside of the bedroom door. The old, Mom is trying to sleep so I think that I will try to rip your liver out right now type thing. And, for some reason my partners Sous Chef called me on my cell phone several times as well. The latter was butt dials but at 6:40 AM totally not appreciated. I hurt all over and can hardly walk. I'm sure it is a combination of the weather being so darn hot and having my sleep completely disrupted. I want to crawl back into bed but that would not be smart. I need to move and just get over it.
Kel - I am so glad that you called the doctor. That sounds really scary and someone needs to check that out. I've done the refi dance too. Scary business signing all of those documents. I just did it to get my interest rate down and didn't take any money for rennovations.
Bobbii - I've been cleaning and organizing too. It is amazing what accumulates in a house. I have a lot left to do since I was so rudely interrupted by my gall bladder debacle. I haven't been laser focused on it but things are coming along. I am glad that your headache is better. Don't overdo it!
BBMom - I'm sorry that you are feeling so terrible today. I hate coming home to a mess too. Just remember it is almost vacation time. Hang in there and I hope that the rest of your day at work goes quickly.
TwinMom - At least your supervisor is a nice guy. I don't like having my schedule interrupted either. I work hard to maintain some semblance of a normal life with careful pacing and so on. Anything that throws a wrench in that is on my sh*t list. Thinking of you today!
Sonya - I think that you are not alone with the social contact issues. Many of us experience some degree of isolation because we are not able to keep up with the "normal" world. Coming here everyday to see what the rest of my peeps are up to or not keeps me grounded and gives me something to think about other than me, me, me. You've been brave to admit that you are having difficulties. We don't judge so when and if you are ready, have at it. Hugs to you today!
Shout out to Blue, Ida and Bear! I'm going to try and stand up and walk now. Wish me luck and lots of intestinal fortitude. It's going to be one of those days....
Fantod, thanks for the shout out! I totally feel yah on the force yourself out of bed thing. Once you get done with your organizing's and things you should probably take a few days off. After the move is over I"ll feel like sleeping for a week! Sorry about the kitties becoming frenemies. Hope they make up! I cat it when my cats fight.
The plan was to go to bed early yesterday so I can get up early today for my appt in town this AM. I thought it was only going to take maybe a couple of hours to go through the storage unit and do the inventory, then load needed items. However, it ended up taking all day. We didn't get over to the new place to drop the load off till 5pm. Back home by 6. I thought I was going to drop over by 3. lol. Climbing in and out of the bed of my truck was awful. Each time got harder and harder then they started making comments because of how slow it was taking me. So when we had to load it at the new place, they didn't want me to touch anything. Plus the IBS was flaring on and off, especially when I got home at 6. I couldn't even make dinner. It was in and out of the bathroom till 9:30. Finally got to bed around 10:30. About an hour later than I planned.
I cancelled the horse therapy today. And rescheduled my PM appt in town. It's just too much for me right now. I would cancel the AM appt too if I could but I had to schedule it months ahead. I still need to go to the hardware store (for the door pieces) AND found out I am completely out of cat litter, something my husband usually gets because I can't carry it. I am not looking forward to trying to pick that it up!! I think I pulled about 10 muscles picking up the tv and loading it into the truck (behind the seat) all by myself. Ouch.
Tomorrow finish cleaning the place, pack up the cats, my bed, and move it in. Also set up the guest room for my incoming guest Sat morning. yay!
Leo, have you heard from your mom’s doctors yet? Standing by with fingers crossed for you.
Kel, I am glad you listened to the words and contacted your doctor. Hopefully since she is still there she will do something.
Sonya, sorry to see you are having such a hard time. Feel free to be open. I think I often share TMI, but it is safe to do so here.
Fantod, sorry you had a very rough start to the mourning. Hopefully once you are moving about you will loosen up and start feeling better. How are you making out with your knees. I remember at one point there was a discussion of knee replacement. I hope your day gets better.
My sister, BIL, nephew, niece and 3 great nieces and nephews are already in Florida. The other 5 nieces/nephews/great nieces and nephews arrive tomorrow. I love them all dearly, but didn’t want my whole vacation with that many people. Way too many personalities and frankly I am so blunt with them that sometimes there are hurt feelings. 2 of the kids are disrespectful and I just can’t handle that. So, we are going a later and staying longer than they are. The house is a mansion in my terms. My cousin had it built for the family to use, but also rents it out to help cover the cost. My sis just texted me and told me of all of the items missing and/or broken. The grilling area looks as though it has caught on fire and is completely covered in soot. So, she contacted my cousin, in Scotland, to let him know all of this. It is sad. When I rent a place it is probably in better condition than when I got there, but must be people think if they are paying $4k a week they can do whatever they wish.
Sorry for rambling. My teeth have become super sensitive in the last 24 hours. Doesn’t matter if it is hot or cold, liquid or solid. It is upper and lower and mostly on the left side, which is the side the trigeminal nerve usually acts up. I wonder if it is related?
Blue, wishing you much luck on moving. Ida, I hope your anxiety is getting better and you are enjoying your family. Bear, wishing you are feeling better.
Blue - I am sorry that your darn Hubby left you to manage the move pretty much alone. It is not something that you should be doing. I feel so bad for you. I wish it was all over right now and I am sure that you do too.
The two warring cats have never been friends. They are trying now but it is fraught with peril. Neither of them are good at sharing hence the liver ripping out episodes. Worse than kids.
Done with pesky phone calls and back to trying to get in the shower and do my errands. The house is as tidy as it is going to get today. Domestic Goddess over and out!
Bobbii, hope you manage to stay cool in that heat. Sorry you are behind in your projects. That sounds like a lot of yarn!
Bbmom, after cleaning up someone else's mess, then constantly awoken, and then dealing with puke? Yeah I'd be a grouch too! Don't worry, vacation is right around the corner!
Sonya, yup.... that's fbro. It's endlessly balancing between under-doing and over-doing, and finding which activities help and which ones "hurt". But over time you will learn your where your limits are and what makes your fibro tick. It gets a little easier to manage. What never gets easy is learning to say no to things you want / feel obligated to do because you will pay for it. But some things may be worth the pain. That's all part of the balancing act. lol. Ditto what Fantod said.
Hope you all feel better tomorrow because it'll be Friday and Friday's a day to celebrate! :)