Fibromyalgia Support Group
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When I'm not sick, we're ok.
When I am sick, he's the worst. I am an after thought, like I am making this up.
Things were looking up for a while because I was on Lyrica and it was finally kicking in and I was functioning 80% of the time. But after 5 months, the weight gain kicked in and some other issues, I HAD to discontinue it. And the pain is worse now than it was before. Whoever said Fibro isn't a progressive syndrome is crazy. I'm trying another med, but it takes time.
So guess what's on the rocks again? Everything is about him. HE needs time away to relax. HE needs to rest. HE worked so hard. HE is so sore! The only thing around the house he does is cook dinner.
I mow the yard. Laundry. Dishes.
We have a three year old (and I believe the pregnancy is what brought this fibro on.)
Now, I have a dx of early RA and take methotrexate weekly which I'm not sure I believe just yet - and it totally wipes me out for a day or two after I take it. So what does he usually do when I'm wiped out? Leave the house for several hours for a 'meeting' with his beer drinking biker buddies and leaves me with our three year old.
I'm about ready to give up. I mean, what's worse, hoping someone will be there for you and them disappointing you, or KNOWING there is no one there for you? It's not the despair that gets you, it's the hope.
All this makes me feel worse. The stress. Knowing I am now a crappy wife and mother. I've tried talking to him. I've tried to make him understand. I've told him how joking about my pain makes me feel. He's made comments about how he probably has "that fibro thing too!!! haha"
"In sickness and health" seems to be a joke.
When I am sick, he's the worst. I am an after thought, like I am making this up.
Things were looking up for a while because I was on Lyrica and it was finally kicking in and I was functioning 80% of the time. But after 5 months, the weight gain kicked in and some other issues, I HAD to discontinue it. And the pain is worse now than it was before. Whoever said Fibro isn't a progressive syndrome is crazy. I'm trying another med, but it takes time.
So guess what's on the rocks again? Everything is about him. HE needs time away to relax. HE needs to rest. HE worked so hard. HE is so sore! The only thing around the house he does is cook dinner.
I mow the yard. Laundry. Dishes.
We have a three year old (and I believe the pregnancy is what brought this fibro on.)
Now, I have a dx of early RA and take methotrexate weekly which I'm not sure I believe just yet - and it totally wipes me out for a day or two after I take it. So what does he usually do when I'm wiped out? Leave the house for several hours for a 'meeting' with his beer drinking biker buddies and leaves me with our three year old.
I'm about ready to give up. I mean, what's worse, hoping someone will be there for you and them disappointing you, or KNOWING there is no one there for you? It's not the despair that gets you, it's the hope.
All this makes me feel worse. The stress. Knowing I am now a crappy wife and mother. I've tried talking to him. I've tried to make him understand. I've told him how joking about my pain makes me feel. He's made comments about how he probably has "that fibro thing too!!! haha"
"In sickness and health" seems to be a joke.
Like abotsd, my husband and I have had our peaks and valleys too. Sometimes I had to remember my vows but we always got over the humps. At times I was selfish, at times he was but we worked it out. In fact, I almost left him when I couldn't work anymore, couldn't cook it up in a pan, yada yada, gained weight, etc.
When he stopped the affection, I told him I'd rather live in a box than to spend another day with him the way he had become. Remarkably, he actually heard me. He got the message. Since that time, we're the best we've ever been. Jun 29 was 35 yrs and we didn't get here by being perfect. Either one of us. We are very happy and content.
Today, I understand that humans will always disappoint me. I don't know why I thought my husband wouldn't. I know I've disappointed him too! I don't know what kind of history you have but you do mention some good ones. Try some marriage counselling and see if you can get to the bottom of what's eating at him. Godspeed.
Good luck to you whatever you decide to do. I will keep you in my prayers.
I started from scratch with my husband. He (and I) have evolved through the years.
Where is the OP ? Wish there was an update.
It will be hard but do try to cut back on babying him. He doesn't notice or appreciate it anyway. It's time to cut the umbilical cord. Right now you don't respect him because he's so dependent on a "sickly" woman.
Let's all try to modify the behaviors of these forever little boys by reinforcing everything they do right! It really doesn't take that much energy and everyone responds positively to praise!
BTW, if you're on his insurance plan don't make any rash decisions!
..."he's just a man...lol"
Touche; How true that is....Very well said. :)
We talked. I yelled. I cried. We cried. We hugged.
I told him I couldn't keep doing all this.
We both agreed we both suck at communication and to work on it.
I promised to tell him when I'm having a bad day and he promised to ask more often and to do more at home.
I told him if I felt these things weren't working out we'd need counseling. He agreed.
We'll see.
The last few days have been a roller coaster health-wise and I'm worn out.
I appreciate the comments, the stories, the encouragement, and the opportunity to vent. It really does help to get it out.
I hope you are okay.
I wish you the best of luck
Best of luck
Roni
Hope you and your husband can work things out.
Just remember *this better time* when other challenges happen and you feel like boppin' him over the head ;) again LOL
Good for you!