I have been separated from my husband for 7 months and will be getting a divorce. He verbally abused me and mocked my fibro and the other problems that came with it for years. I no longer have to deal with that stress and the hits on my self esteem.

He wanted the wife that could do everything( including the child rearing) that I was before I was sick. He thought I was on disability to be a housewife. Never helped with anything except would get groceries when I couldn't and would complain about it.

Some people are not capable of empathy and by nature are selfish. To this day if my husband calls he never asks how I am - it is always about him. He thought I could wish my fibro away and be the same person I use to be.

I educated him about fibro, took him to my Dr appts and tried counseling. For us counseling was a joke - he wasn't willing to take responsibility for his own behavior and it was my fault I was ill in his eyes.

So I am sharing my story - it was hard to separate at first - but I am much happier now and have peace now in my daily life. My son is much older than your child - he was 17 when we separated - my son is much happier now too.

milily,

I think you are brave. What you did took courage.
I am so happy that you are happier now and that your Son is better too. Being ill is difficult enough. We need people in our lives that will be loving and supportive. Not people that will make fun of us and be abusive and blame us for being sick. We did not ask for this to happen to us but we have a choice on who we have in our lives. You are very courageous. I wish you a peaceful life. (((HUGS)))

I was with my ex for 17 years and when I got sick my two older kids were teens and the youngest was around 10 . I was super woman and became sick and not functioning quick . The ex and kids ignored it and I was expected to continue doing for everyone like normal , doing that landed me in the hospital and at that point my doctor had a talk with the ex and kids separate. It was the best thing to happen . Finally the ex took it serious . I highly recommend that you talk to your doctor and tell what you have here , ask for the doctor to make a call to your hubby and request to see him and have the doctor make it clear what your health situation is . He might take it serious .

My ex had a very hard time communicating his feelings. He just didn't. And he started backing away from me....it was painful to watch him leave the relationship. An affair, an excuse. And then, to not cop to the fact that it was my fibro that made him leave the marriage.

I think that if you can talk to your husband about fibro and how it affects him (because it does) maybe you have a chance.

Whatever happened to Husband honoring his vows?

What happened to "For better or for worse, in sickness and in health?"

What happened to that? I just don't understand.

Maybe I am not realistic but I take that seriously and think that when 2 people take those vows it means something.

Nobody intends on getting sick. This is not our fault.

I wonder how the man would feel if it happened to him and he was the one going thru what we are going thru.

Just saying...

Daisey you are right on all points but I don't think men think as .....(trying to word this right LOL) in terms of empathy . they think in terms of them selves and how we WERE not how we are . And i can assure you a doctor who is "official with paper work to prove his knowledge and even better if a man " can tell him everything you ever said your self and he will come away going " wow you have some serious things going on " !!!! Then you'll want to punch him lol

I'm going to have to go with those who suggest counseling. A good counselor can get through to someone when you think everything has already been said.

I would never suggest that anyone spend the rest of their life in a miserable marriage, as I believe we all have the right to be happy. Having said that, I would also never suggest that someone give up on their marriage, especially with a child involved, without being sure they gave it every chance.

It's really easy to say "just leave the [insert your favorite word here]" when it's not your life and the decision has no consequences for you. It's also incredibly irresponsible. Unless their is actual abuse, there is room for hope, and counseling, and another chance.

sapoho,

I hope you are okay. Whatever you decide to do I wish you the best.
Most important is for you and your child to be safe and okay.
I am so sorry that your Husband is being this way.
You deserve to be respected. It takes 2 people to make a marriage work. I hope he is willing to do the work. If not then you do what you feel is best for you and your child, Nobody should ever be abused.
If you need to talk you can always send me a message.

I echo what Peace said. 100 %

Daisy,

Why should someone "hang in there" when they are being "abusive?" Thats a pretty strong word.
OF course I wouldn't suggest someone staying if they are being abused. I can only comment on what little she can tell people on a public board. This is one tiny snippet of her life. *It would break my heart if that were the case.* ( From what info she wrote in her OP...) And I will mention again -- Im not saying this is the right answer - Its all about perspective... everything is. I wanted to share what issues/ problems my H and I had.

( you said) " However he was before he is not that way now. " The intention of my post was to say things CHANGE> In all honesty, haven't you had something that was "bad" in your marriage change for the good?

When you have children... ... you should ALWAYS ALWAYS think of them FIRST... Its just too easy for people to tell people that they have never even met... "lose that guy- hes a jerk- kick him out and divorce him right away!" Now since its so easy to say, are they going to HELP them Do all of this? Will they offer a person a place to stay because they may not have one after that... are they going to babysit while they get things in order? Are they going to be an actual *PHYSICAL" presence *WITH them* to get through what will be a HUGE transition? What about the kids...? ( AGAIN - this has nothing to do with REALLY being abused. NO ONE should ever stand for that- not even once!) Its a lot easier to tell someone to dissolve a marriage while sitting behind a computer all comfy in jammies with a hot cup of coffee by their side.

sapoho,

How are you? I hope you are okay. (((HUGS)))

I'm so sorry that your husband is so selfish. You didn't ask to be sick. All of the stress that he adds to you makes your fibro symptoms worse. I'm so blessed to have a loving and understanding husband. He retired last fall so now he helps me with all the household chores and he cooks. Along with my fibro and other things I've had hand surgery and am wearing a splint on my right hand and can't use it much. I sometimes feel like a failure as a wife, but he says nonsense, if it was me you would be helping me out. Do you think counseling might help? Would he even go? I will keep you in prayer. Remember you are not alone and we are all here for you.

Some years in a marriage are very hard. We've been married 49 years this Labor Day, and were on the brink of divorce a few times. I feel/felt that the best gift I could give my children, (4) was to keep the father in the home and in the marriage.

We managed this with good counseling for couples and later, good counseling for me. I am 73 and my love is almost 80. We're so glad we've managed to stay together. This aging business is so hard on the both of us.

Today I had toe surgery and husband went to the dentist to have his wisdom tooth pulled out. We're some couple, the two of us! Whose got the pain killers? I dread the day when I am left alone and don't know how'd I manage. So used to being a couple. It's very cosy in old age.

Abotsd, ohhh, thank you for sharing your love story; it is encouraging!

Happy 4th

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have not posted or been on this group for a while, I tend to stick to the CFS group more because those symptoms overwhelm me the most.

You are NOT a crappy wife and mother! You are someone who is doing the best they can under very diffucult circumstances.

I am going through the very same thing you are, my husband is possibly worse. I've been sick for 6 years now and the last 2 have been a nightmare. I discovered last year that my husband suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder.......of course, he does not know that. I discovered this after doing some research after a particularly bad period of arguing that was becoming so repetitive it was clear he wasn't hearing anything I said. My husband has alway been horrible to me whenever I was sick all during our marriage.....33 years.....he can only see how it affects him and how his needs are not being met. He actually will look at me when I am at my sickest, mentally confused, dragging my stiff body, shaking and short of breath.....and because I can't answer a question quick enough or because my answer is too short, he believes I'm mad at him or that I'm just being mean to him. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I started therapy when I made my discovery, he also started his own, 4 months ago we started couples counseling but too much damage has been done and the very nature of his disorder means he will never change.

I just this week decided our marriage has to end. He is making me worse. He is verbally abusive now, I fear that as I get older (I'm 52) or sicker he will become even worse.

I agree with some of the other comments that seeking counseling together and apart can be very helpful. It will help you both deal with the issues and find out what's really driving his behavior.

I encourage you to seek that out. if he wasn't like this before you became ill then you stand a good chance to find out what's at the core of his behavior, and maybe that can be dealt with.

I so very much hope that things get better for you.

Hugs,
Genie