and the pain, the wobbly uckiness......can't make a plan, always having to excuse myself from plans or planning.  just called the guy i was supposed to meet about my car remote.......to get it programmed/always canceling something.  can't make it to Ginny's with the material & microbeads to make pillows. 

fighting off tears........can't afford the energy of crying.  nauseaous, headachy, body achy, semi dizzy wonky day.  best thing?  lean in, cover up, find a good distraction of soothing sounds.......be quiet, get still.......so still it almost feels like i've found the off switch for the pain.........done it before, will do it again.........today is one of the days to lean in.......self soothe. 

today is not the day to leave the nest.  most days aren't for reasons we all understand.  sometimes i want to go buy some fresh fruit......get bread.  see beyond my window.......sometimes i can push beyond this illness and somedays it's smart to say you're being wise sweetheart......of course you're disappointed.......but another day will come and when it's good you can do a little more.

if i weren't so tired i might pitch a fit.......break something.......but instead i'll drink something cool through a bendy straw, my blanket is so soft.....a thick hand made midnight blue blankie......feels like a soft coccoon around me......another special pillow under my neck......more little pillows around my legs and if the gods of rest are good i won't have to get to the bathroom the minute i'm settled........almost felt a wee smile pulling at me........time to rest.

happy quiet holiday tomorrow.......to all of us.