Fibromyalgia Support Group
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remember I was talking about my friend I've been hanging out? and I wasn't sure how to explain all the nitty gritty details about fibro?
(part 1:) http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Fibromyalgia/forum/10388748-how-do-i-break
ok so i went to the library and found this awesome book called "The Everything Health Guide to Fibromyalgia" by Winnie Yu. and it's really awesome! it has everything from how to find a good doctor, & make a list of questions and complaints before your appt, they list medications, supplements, explains all the symptoms (including brain fog, morning stiffness, the exhaustion, muscle pain, etc). It EVEN has a chapter on supportive friendships! and how you "only need" supportive friends and relationships, and that you should probably cut ties with ones that cause stress. it also has a section on mourning your diagnosis and how you can start to deal with it. I LOVE this book.
http://books.google.com/books?id=lZO76--tu9UC&printsec=frontcover&dq=the+everything+health+guide+for+fibromyalgia+by+winnie+yu&source=bl&ots=6-3TsUVAjG&sig=HRo80nWxXxPGMt7AFUABexXIEVo&hl=en&ei=MVR9TLhwifqwA_uQuYIH&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CBoQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false
i think every person that has fibro AND all their close friends and family should have a copy. then you wouldn't have to explain so much! some of our doctors should even have a copy! it's sad when you think our docs should get one....
ok, so i called him and told him about it and I would really appreciate it if he got a copy so he could better understand me and what i'm going through. I guess that day I called him was a bad day cause he told me he had been off his anti depressants and was feeling "lost and weird". so I told him to think about it once he got back on his meds.
the other day we were hangin out and the subject came up again, we talked about the book again. he hasn't given me a definite answer yet as to whether he'll get it. next time I get him on the phone I'll ask him. otherwise, i may start cooling off the friendship. opinions?
(part 1:) http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Fibromyalgia/forum/10388748-how-do-i-break
ok so i went to the library and found this awesome book called "The Everything Health Guide to Fibromyalgia" by Winnie Yu. and it's really awesome! it has everything from how to find a good doctor, & make a list of questions and complaints before your appt, they list medications, supplements, explains all the symptoms (including brain fog, morning stiffness, the exhaustion, muscle pain, etc). It EVEN has a chapter on supportive friendships! and how you "only need" supportive friends and relationships, and that you should probably cut ties with ones that cause stress. it also has a section on mourning your diagnosis and how you can start to deal with it. I LOVE this book.
http://books.google.com/books?id=lZO76--tu9UC&printsec=frontcover&dq=the+everything+health+guide+for+fibromyalgia+by+winnie+yu&source=bl&ots=6-3TsUVAjG&sig=HRo80nWxXxPGMt7AFUABexXIEVo&hl=en&ei=MVR9TLhwifqwA_uQuYIH&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CBoQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false
i think every person that has fibro AND all their close friends and family should have a copy. then you wouldn't have to explain so much! some of our doctors should even have a copy! it's sad when you think our docs should get one....
ok, so i called him and told him about it and I would really appreciate it if he got a copy so he could better understand me and what i'm going through. I guess that day I called him was a bad day cause he told me he had been off his anti depressants and was feeling "lost and weird". so I told him to think about it once he got back on his meds.
the other day we were hangin out and the subject came up again, we talked about the book again. he hasn't given me a definite answer yet as to whether he'll get it. next time I get him on the phone I'll ask him. otherwise, i may start cooling off the friendship. opinions?
And no matter how much I say I'm tired, I'm hurting, I'm exhausted, fibro doesn't work that way, and so on, it goes in one ear and right out the other. he will keep asking me "Come on lets go..." right after I just said that I don't feel well. then to make matter worse, he tells people that because HE has back pain that he understand MY pain!
aga, I NEVER said I understand all of his illness, BUT i"ve never ever pushed him to do anything. i've never nagged him, never asked him to do anything at ridicules hours of the night, and when he told me he was hurting, I always let things be. I would only expect that as friend he do the same for me. I've tried to support him as best as I could.
I don't know how i can get him to understand that i can't do all this crazy stuff. and i can't listen to him when he goes on and on and on with his stories. this is why i wanted him to get the book.
and like others here have said, he probably won't even read it. so if he doesn't, then the best thing I can think of is cooling off the friendship.
the bottom line is, this illness DOES require a lot of support. so if you can't do that, then back off. i can understand if you aren't willing to do all the research, but that doesn't mean that it's ok to keep trying to get me to go out and do stuff at ridicules hours after I just told you that i'm not feeling well. that's NOT cool.
so it a hard call =i do think its his illness gettin in the way! is he a reader!? seems like he mite be on the manic side =early & late dates! i think you should back off!
dec o9 i was datin someone that tracked me down on here!STALKER lool & he really turned out to be! He read everything about fibro but really agravated me w/everything he did! You are already sayin you can't handle the way he talks=that is a big deal right there!
this guy drove me freakin crazy but they thing that made the deal was when i was in pain! ie 1 after xmas got headache was throwin up, told him id call him next day! He drove over anuway to take care of me! he got me a wet rag & was holdin me & feelin up my breast @ same time! while iam gagging! i kicked him out! We dated for 2mo around the HOildays! I realized i got very fatiqued bein around him & it was better to be by myself! Even for "NEW YEARS" i was very nice on phone & told him he was a great guy, that i was to sick & i didn't get him feelin me up when i was sick! LOL he told me he read a POST from "US" on here! that sex releives "OUR" pain!
JERK! who wrote "STUPID" =not while i'm throwin up!
He also did this thing when he talked i could not stand gave me the willys like "YOU" are sayin he would close his eyes when talkin & lookin @me=EYES CLOSED! gave me the creeps.. i would ask him- your eyes hurtin, ? goin to sleep? don't want to look @ me! he would turn his head open eyes & talk lookin out the window look back @me & close eyes! But never did this w/other people i watched for it!
So my point is= you are already havin some problems w/him the answer is in you already!
some people are meant to be kept as "JUST FRIENDS" or nothing @all
healing prayers & angels to watch & guide you!
oxo paula
Want sex,. read the book. Want to cuddle pick up the book on the nightstand and read one chapter and discuss it for 15 mins then we talk about cuddling.
He will pay attention then LOL
My best buddy (I've known him since 1973 and we are both 50 now) doesn't understand this. He lives in the same town, but still a 45 minute drive. I've had to cancel some outings because I just can't get out of bed. He doesn't understand this. He has no other friends and really depends on me. Well, now I need to depend on him, but can't because he "needs a break" from me right now. I've never needed help until now, but I feel I've been there to support him because he has many mental health issues including very bad depression.
I want us to remain friends, but I don't think he would read the book. Maybe I should read excerpts from it to him sometime.
I also read an article recently about how friendships change over the years. Sometimes one or both of the friends moves on to something else...or one 'grows' while the other one doesn't. I'd hate to think my stupid fibro would put an end to our 30+ year friendship, but I just don't have the energy to give a sh_t somedays!
That said, I do think it's selfish of him to not listen to you, but I think you should try the more direct method and tell him flat out that you have a hard time listening to lengthy stories because of fibro. And maybe tell him to just not ask you to go out late nights, or whatever it is that's bothering you. And if he does ask, then remind him that you asked him not to. I just think the direct approach, especially with men, is much more effective than beating around the bush and hoping they get the hint.
Good luck whatever you decide.
How much is too much? I started a separate thread on this article.
http://invisibleillnessweek.com/2010/09/01/talking-to-your-spouse-about-your-illness-how-much-is-too-much/
Thought of something else, that gets them where they pay attention the most
Want sex,. read the book. Want to cuddle pick up the book on the nightstand and read one chapter and discuss it for 15 mins then we talk about cuddling.
He will pay attention then LOL
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i like this idea he will either read & talk or be gone! so you will get your answer!
if this were about a relationship where sex were involved, i guess I could use the "withholding" method. But he and I are not in that kind of "relationship". we are friends. Apparently, the kind of friends where he wants to hang out with me any hour of the day or night! sheez.... i feel like he's too attached to me. I told him to make some more friends and that it's unhealthy to only have ME as a friend.
at first he grumbled about it, but after some convincing, he agreed to let me introduce him to some people.
I know what bipolar is, my mom has it. I don't think he's got that, but I could be wrong. he has a sleeping disorder where some nights he can't sleep and then he'll end up napping on and off all day. (I told him there's a section in the book about sleep hygiene, but he didn't seem to care).
I've tried explaining to him that I need my rest. I can't get up in the mornings and go out. and i can't go somewhere late at night. but like i said before, it GOES IN ONE EAR AND RIGHT BACK OUT THE OTHER. i feel like i'm talking to a wall with him.
if you can't find the book anywhere else, I found it at Borders, too.