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how do I break it to him (part 2)

bluesun
bluesun
remember I was talking about my friend I've been hanging out? and I wasn't sure how to explain all the nitty gritty details about fibro?
(part 1:) http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Fibromyalgia/forum/10388748-how-do-i-break

ok so i went to the library and found this awesome book called "The Everything Health Guide to Fibromyalgia" by Winnie Yu. and it's really awesome! it has everything from how to find a good doctor, & make a list of questions and complaints before your appt, they list medications, supplements, explains all the symptoms (including brain fog, morning stiffness, the exhaustion, muscle pain, etc). It EVEN has a chapter on supportive friendships! and how you "only need" supportive friends and relationships, and that you should probably cut ties with ones that cause stress. it also has a section on mourning your diagnosis and how you can start to deal with it. I LOVE this book.
http://books.google.com/books?id=lZO76--tu9UC&printsec=frontcover&dq=the+everything+health+guide+for+fibromyalgia+by+winnie+yu&source=bl&ots=6-3TsUVAjG&sig=HRo80nWxXxPGMt7AFUABexXIEVo&hl=en&ei=MVR9TLhwifqwA_uQuYIH&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CBoQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false

i think every person that has fibro AND all their close friends and family should have a copy. then you wouldn't have to explain so much! some of our doctors should even have a copy! it's sad when you think our docs should get one....

ok, so i called him and told him about it and I would really appreciate it if he got a copy so he could better understand me and what i'm going through. I guess that day I called him was a bad day cause he told me he had been off his anti depressants and was feeling "lost and weird". so I told him to think about it once he got back on his meds.
the other day we were hangin out and the subject came up again, we talked about the book again. he hasn't given me a definite answer yet as to whether he'll get it. next time I get him on the phone I'll ask him. otherwise, i may start cooling off the friendship. opinions?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Buy him the book, he might be too lazy to go buy one or too cheap LOL If you buy it for him it will show him how serious you are about him reading the book
bluesun
bluesun
i thought about doing it that way but he's always telling me that i'm his only friend and he doesn't want to lose me and so on.... I guess i had expected that he would have "ran" to the store by now, bought it and read it.

I guess i'm wrong about him. and maybe i do have to buy it for him after all. damn it.
PeaceN2You
PeaceN2You
If he's too lazy to buy it I would suspect he's also too lazy to read it.

I wouldn't go out of your way - the words you hear him saying are not about you - they are about him. You're HIS only friend and HE doesn't want to lose you - nothing about what he plans to bring to the friendship.

I think he's already told you all you need to know.
bluesun
bluesun
oh i forgot to add that when he starts to go on and on and on again during his story telling, i have developed this strategy where I cut him off and say "So what happened to her?" or "what did you do?" That way he doesn't get caught up in these itty bitty details that run on and on that bore me to death and i swear my fibro fog is so bad i feel like my brain is melting!
bluesun
bluesun
see that's what i was thinking, Peace. that's why i was hesitant to go and buy it for him. i was waiting to to see if he meant it about the friendship or if it was really all about him (once again).

so like i was saying, if he doesn't go and get the book, i think i'm gonna back off the friendship a bit. for now i"v been starting to make plans with other friends anyways (which he gets jealous of, btw). and if he wants to tag along with us then he can, but other than that, i'm not waiting for him.
deleted_user
deleted_user
No offense to you fellas out there but even the best of men are STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!! I live with mine, been with him for 5 yrs now, found out about the fibro last yr and he has NO IDEA mostly because he dosent wanna hear it (my "complaining") and when I try to talk to him or explain why I'm being bitchy its like his ears get tired and he suddenly has an errand to run!! but my broke ass is gonna call my mom n ask her to buy that book 4 me and mail it 2 me after she has read it, some understanding from family would make my life so much easier. So thanks 4 the info!! and just buy the dumbass the book or borrow him your copy, after he reads it (if he reads it) you will know better what kind of man he is. if you give it 2 him maybe he will get that its important to you, sometimes we need to spell it out in black n white (or neon) 4 them 2 get it!! good luck with that!
bluesun
bluesun
note: the book was designed for a person with fibro to read so it can be a little repetitive in some of the chapters. but that's what i like about it! if you forget an important subject, don't worry, they'll probably bring it backup later. lol
deleted_user
deleted_user
Honey, how about a compromise? Ask him to take it out of the library. If he actually seems to be reading it ie; you can discuss things, then you can purchase him a copy as a gift. You can tell him that your friendship means enough to you that you wanted him to have his own copy. Hugs
deleted_user
deleted_user
Great idea carwrite!! Thanks for the tip on the book Bluesun! I will have to check that book out for myself also! Good luck with your friend!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I didn't read all the other posts but I say, if he is interested enough he will make a way to get the book since you have asked him to. If he isn't interested enough to do that then he isn't good enough for you. My story and I am sticking to it.
lladyfairhair
lladyfairhair
I think maybe the only way he will read it is if you have it in your hands and you put it in his and say *read this* please.
I would get it from the library first.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Darlin,
He ain't-a-gonna read the book. I married a health nut and HE wouldn't read about my disease either. All he cared about was herbs and supplements, none of which did a thing for me. So I had to get rid of him. (No, it wasn't that easy, but we are divorcing).

Men are terrible nurses because Most of them are self centered. You girls know it's true. Occasionally you'll see a man who is giving and loving. For the most part it's all about them and what you can do for them. If you complain, you're a whiner. They are not fascinated about the long overdue findings of the scientific community about our disease. They'd rather watch the sports news.
You know I'm right. Sad but true.
Next time your man wants to know what you want for your birthday, tell him you want him to donate to the Wittemore Peterson Institute or Fibromyalgia Network. Then hand him the checkbook.

Good luck

Mizroze
deleted_user
deleted_user
Share the link to the book with him, as you can click on some of the things and read about them I was able to view lots of pages of the book via my pc.
bluesun
bluesun
yeah I'll try giving him the link. for some reason, I get the feeling he's not going to care to read it. but a link maybe easier for him than going somewhere to get a book.
sheez.... how lazy (or how unsupportive, I should say)
so much effort for "I don't want to lose you as a friend"
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ok I am gonna maybe offer a slightly differing view ............... I am adored by my hubby .................... he would cut off his right arm rather than let any harm come to me, my son or his kids, but boy not in a month of Sundays could I get him to sit and read a book on health care, not just mine, but his or the kids illnesses .................. don't mean he don't care because he does for each of us and he would physically turn his life upside down for any one of us if he thought it would make a difference to our health ........... but sit and read about medical things NO WAY ............ this guy can watch a million movies with blood and guts every where, but show him a DR's office for him and he will run a mile ................ get him visiting a hospital to see someone as a patient and he literally goes white and sweats, can't wait to get outta there ......... what I am trying to say is if they care they will show it in a million ways, but sitting reading about it is not necessarily one of them for most people, not just blokes.

My sis has several illness, I know a little about each of them (I trained as a nurse 30 + years ago), but even I don't wanna go researching into every one of them in any depth ............ I love her and will support her in anyway I can & if I really really need to I will delve in and research any of them, but right now I don't so I don't ........ make any sense ? !!!!!!!!

Blue he has a lot going on with his own health maybe he just can't cope with what for him right now would be overload ................ I know to you and I and a lot of people here it makes sense, but can I ask you ....... without trying to be mean or clever ............ how much do you KNOW as opposed to think you know about his illness ???

You need to do what you need to do for you sweetie, so do it & if it involves you pulling back/away then do it & don't let him or anyone make you feel guilty OKAY (((HUGS)))