You change the dream to fit your reality. That is what I have done.

We go through the death of dreams many times in our lives although I don't always think we are aware of them. Some die a quick, quiet death....our childhood dreams, etc.

And just because you can't contribute as much financially as you used to, doesn't mean you can't be a contriburting member of your family. Do what you can around the house, with and for the kids. And sometimes do the things you don't feel up to doing....believe me, its worth the pain for the boost to the spirit.

You will adjust. I would imagine it has to be harder as a man to go through this. This society has built this macho image of men that everyone strives to match. Same as women and these bean pole models. But you got us here to support you, Devon. You can adjust.

Gentle hugs...

I dont think I have come to grips with it myself yet, although I am starting to set new goals and targets things that I can achieve. I try to focus daily on things that I can complete and then I feel great for doing those things. It really is hard and I am not sure I can ever fully accept my limitations but I will try my hardest to enjoy life and take comfort in the things I can do.

Anyway that turned into a bit of a ramble I think! Big hugs.

Thanks guys. I'm a bit down right now...I've been in a flare that just wont' let up, and I can't even drive us down to our parents'. All the housekeeping that i used to do...I feel overwhelmed by. My arms ache and I feel so tired physically...and it affects how I feel mentally.

I know that I need to move a little each day, but don't know how to manage it when I am so tired.

Recently, the specter of moving came up...and I was just so defeated. I can't imagine all the work that involves..you know?

Thanks Basket...you always put things into perspective.

The fear of what may or may not come is usually worse than the reality. You can contribute in many ways and disability can still be part of your contribution.

I worked hard to get a master's degree and was able to use it for 18 years. Disability is a new transition. For me, it will be an opportunity to work on crafts when I feel able, and maybe volunteer in my field now and then.

I like Basket's answer--"you change the dream to fit your reality".

Gentle hugs, everyone.

There are "four agreements" to life that I live by....the first one is

Always do your best. BUT remember your "best" os going tp cjamge from day to day. Some days you are going to feel better than others. Just remember to always do your best....whatever it may be that day.

I get up in the morning....say my sunrise prayers....then crawl back in bed....assess how I'm feeling and set a goal for the day. It may be nothing more than to finish filling up the dishwasher and turning it on. But I can go to bed at night knowing that I accomplished something. It doesn't sound like much....but there are days when that IS MY BEST.

I love that! Do your best each day, knowing that each day your best is going to change!

I think I'll use that one.

i know what you are saying...it is so hard to rely on hubby all the time for every thing...I try my best on my good days to do what i can and try to help out...it has not been easy....there are days where hubby excepts everything for the way it is...and other days he does not and everything is on him...and I feel with the ecomony being bad and everything...all you can do is try to set goals and commitment and try to stick to them....try to fight the fight and not give in easy without a fight...I hope everything will work out for you...hugs

Sometimes the mere thought of having this Overwhelms me as well...how can One plan anything ?? let alone a Future ?? hell, I cannot even Plan for later this afternoon !!

This has Changed us for sure...we are Constantly having to Change Priorities, Plans, Dreams...Reinvent ourselves...and just when we think we have Found the right Path, we turn a Corner and Hit a Brick Wall...

I Understand alot more about Me then I ever Used to...I have even become a tad Anal about things...which I cannot stand...but...it ensures for me that I have gotten the Important things Done...I can Relax now...or at least Attempt to...

I have let Loose Alot of Guilt that Kept me Down...that helped Alot...

I feel guilty all the time. I feel guilt that I haven't cleaned the house, that I leave it all to my partner. I feel guilty that I can't do anything physical with my sons. I feel guilty that I haven't lost weight (as if that's going to make the fibro better), that I haven't exercised because I"m so tired...just...everything.

We're supposed to drive down to my parents' this weekend...and because she finished at 8 we're supposed to go down then, it takes about 2.5 hours...in the dark. And I have to drive because my partner doesn't (not resentful at all!)...and I don't know if I can! These days I dont' know how to get through the day. And I"m in pain.

It's hard to explain to my partner how poorly I feel. I don't want to seem as if I'm complaining, and that's what it's like. How do you answer when someone asks you how you are? If I answer the truth it seems like I"m a whiner...but if you say you're okay, then no one knows you are in pain.

I'm just so tired.

Oh...man...this one really hits home for me!
My husband and I (only 2.5yrs) Plan to build a house. This will be his second house that he built with little help. He is a General Contractor and builds schools and banks for a living. Anyway...for those who don't know, I gutted my house and rehabbed it in 2001-2002 and before it was complete I had 2 surgeries and have not fully recovered since. Everything I do now is a struggle. Two years ago my husband had me help with the landscaping and staining the entire house (3 sides, the front is brick), not one coat but two... I was to where I wanted to cry and had to hold the brush with two hands. I planted over 35 shrubs and did I mention that we built a 17x18ft. deck. This was all in 2 weeks!!! I would push myself all day while he was work and he would come and want to set up the night lights and work all night. I would turn into a crabby bitch....not because I didn't want to do it, but because I was in so much pain. I cried to myself while I sat in the hot tub.
I am much worse off now than then. I used to ride my bicycle almost daily and work as a bartender/waitress and come home and cut the grass, take care of the pool etc....
The hubby is the type that will have me move a fridge or big furniture even heavy duty machinery. He is a master carpenter and has his own woodshop w/table saws, molder shaper, lathe, drillpress and all kinds of stuff. I believe he married me because of all of the things that I did with my house in the past. Dear God, help me to keep up...

sorry I rambled on but thanks for listening...

I now live alone and I feel guilty about the things I do not get done on the weekends. Saturday I could barely walk, so I took a pain pill and got myself to do a few things. My husband and I divorced 2 years ago, so now what I'm the most afraid of is not being able to get some sort of disability if/when I need it and how to support myself. I am fortunate that I work for a friend, but if/when she retires; I'm up a creek. She allows me to work from home when I need to and come and go if I have to, but it wouldn't be easy if I worked for someone else. Heck they probably wouldn't keep me for a week. Notice all the if/when's I put in here...and that is just it. Fear of the unknown......When I have flares that just won't end, it makes me wonder about the future.

Yeah, I'm so there with you. Just yesterday, our son went next door to hang out with a playmate that he rarely gets to see---in fact---he hardly hangs out with anyone ever outside of school, so I didn't want to disturb that, which means that I didn't take him to the store with me, meaning that I couldn't carry very much, and brain fog was making it impossible to remember some of the reasons I came there in the first place!

So, not only was I not able to bring home soda to drink, (I know we're awful, but we're soda addicts and feel ill when we have to drink water, sorry, but it's true), because it's too heavy, but I forgot the food that my wife specifically asked for. SOOOOOO, I had to go back a SECOND time! This store is a block away, but many days it's hard to get out of the house at all. So, when sonny boy finally came home, he was thirsty and wanted to go to the store. I snapped at him, maybe a little harshly. I apologized later and explained to him that I wanted him to have fun with his friend, and that's why I had trouble and couldn't just jump up for a THIRD trip. I used to schlep REALLY HEAVY stuff around. I could be counted on to be a great help to family members when they were moving. Now, I can't carry a 2-liter bottle of soda. My son is 14, and I tell him how much I appreciate his help all the time, but I hate it that I usually can't go to the store without his help schlepping the stuff we buy, and sometimes having him help me remember what I'm doing. I used to clean the living room in a flash. I could get it from unspeakable mess to presentable in 20 min. Now, the social worker we have to deal with is upset with our family because it stays unspeakable, because when I try to just pick up a fallen stack of DVDs off of the floor, I'm practically immobile for the next two days. WTF???? I'm trying to come up with a plan to make it better. I will tell everyone here if I succeed, for sure.

Rebecca...I totally understand. I used to be a painter. I ran a home-daycare...I was the only one (prior to my current partner) that did ANYTHING in the house. I cooked, cleaned, cut the hedge, mowed the lawn, shovelled the driveway, painted the house, fixed things in the house....etc...etc....

When I first met my partner we worked together painting houses. Now I can't even imagine doing that!

I feel like she met me when I was well, and now I've become this liability. I used to be the main wage earner...and she's acknowledged that it will end up being her...because we don't know how long I'll last.

Trust me...I understand.

Sandika...oh hon...I can't imagine. Yes, actually, I can. I wouldnt' know how to manage, though. I'd be afraid of what would happen as well. Without my partner, I dont' know what I'd do...

Take care, all....

JayBear...I understand. I have Asperger's so I don't really enjoy going places by myself, anyhow...but the prospect of going grocery shopping on my own...forget it. I have enough trouble reacting to the various stimuli, let alone remembering what I'm there for!

Thank goodness Beasty does almost everything in the house. I just don't know how she does it anymore...I do practically nothing. I want to cry when she asks for help changing the bed! Pretty sad, I know.

Take care...our kids understand when we're short with them. I believe they do get it in the end.

You take one day at a time, and what you can do on that day. Ive learn I have limitations and try to do what I can on the good days. As I get older the good days have gotten less. But I still do what I can . My most productive hours are between 10:00 Am and 1:00pm. So I do most of my chores then. Some days I dont feel like doing much and I dont. Other days I can do more. It evens out for me in the long run. I pitty those who have children to run after. I get wore out with just the grandkids on the weekends lately. I dont seem to have ANY energy these days.