I don't want to "bash" your husband but he REALLY needs to be the "husband" you need him to be. It is hard for most to understand the pain we live with daily. We don't physically look sick. Especially when we are as young and pretty as you. You can work on the house but you MUST pace yourself. I suggest drinking lots of water and try to eat whole foods. I believe Fast food isn't good AT ALL for people with FM. If you could cook homemade fresh foods (not microwave foods or boxed foods). I know its hard but try and rest at least a few minutes each hour. Try not to get into any weird positions when you are working because that will definitely intensify your pain. What do you take for your FM?

You have to put your foot down and take care of your body. If you need rest then rest. Your husband will have to deal with it. If you continue to push your self you could end up in a serious flare that could last for a long time. Then not only will you be suffering a lot more but you'll have a hard time taking care of your self plus nothing in the house will get done.
At last if you rest for now you can do some work later when you feel better. Rest again do more work later. It's about pacing your self.

When was the last time you saw your primary doctor or rheumatologist? Maybe you should make an appt.
Do you take any supplements or meds for pain or sleep? Usually when I have a flare or increased pain, I take a little more of those meds. But you should talk to your doctor about the dosage to make sure what is a safe amount. And then when you feel better you can back off to a lower dosage again, etc.

Also, maybe you need a heating pad at night? Try stretching after painting and a hot bath.

Good luck with it. Let us know how it goes please.

The last time I moved it took me a whole year to unpack. I've been here 2 1/2 yrs and just started painting finally in Nov. I'm going at my own speed and that is the only way it's going to get done.

You could end up in a crash so look after yourself first.

I agree with the other replies. You really need to be pacing yourself. Take frequent breaks and listen to your body. If you're feeling pain when you're doing something, you can pretty much guarantee that pain will only be more intense the next day! I always find myself saying, "Oh man, that is REALLY gonna hurt tomorrow!"

How long have you guys been married? Being that you guys are so young, it sounds like your husband would benefit from a little (or a lot!) of fibromyalgia education. Maybe he could go with you to your next dr appt or you could find some good articles online for him to read?

Someone else made the point again (as we do all the time on this board), that unless someone experiences our pain and fatigue there's really no way for them to understand it. Not truly. But if he could understand just a little more, maybe he'd ease up a little on his expectations.

You deserve respect and understanding. You have limitations and you have no control over that. He really needs to respect that and accept it for what it is. Life is more important than having a clean house and a completed "to do" list (I know this took a while for many of us to learn!).

Please make sure you're taking care of yourself and see what you can do to help him learn more about fibro. Good luck (and congrats on your first home together!) :o)

Thank you all for the advice. It's nice to have a support system. I'm 21 and got diagnosed last year by my primary doctor after suffering for years without knowing what was wrong with me. I haven't been to my primary doctor in about a year, due to financial issues.. I also started going to see an acupuncturist last September, but due to moving and financial stress, I stopped going. I tried gabapentin last year, but I got unusual symptoms so I stopped taking it. I've been often reading FM articles and stories to my husband to help him understand what I'm going through, not just visually see me curled up in bed shaking and crying for hours at a time.. he's an odd one, he'll be caring and make me tea or cuddle me to make me stop shaking, but there's times when he'll be mad I won't want to leave the bed or give me attitude if I ask for a simple back rub. Sometimes I feel like he thinks I'm faking it.. I don't know.. but this pain sure hurts more when I feel alone..

Oh, I've lived with my husband for almost two years, we just celebrated our year marriage anniversary.

The good news is you are not alone. There are wonderful, caring people on here who truly understand what you are going through.

I am sorry your husband is up and down with this. One thing I have to remind myself sometimes is that Fibro is difficult for our significant others, too, just in a different way.

I know you said you have read articles about Fibro to him, but would he be willing to read a book on it? When I was first diagnosed, my girlfriend and I checked out multiple books from our library and we both read them. That helped us both out a lot.

Good luck with this!

I'm sorry but if this is how your husband is acting now, what do you think is going to happen as the years progress? You are going to be in that house for some time. Why is it critical that everything get done immediately and at your expense? I've been in my house for over two years and I still have things to sort out from the move. That is just the way I roll with Fibromyalgia (FMS) because it is in my best interests.

You are chronically ill and need to respect your limits. It seems that your husband is not on board with that all of the time. Take it from someone who has been there, the relationship can not work like that. Both of you need to be on the same page all of the time when it comes to your health. If he continues to act like that, you would be better off alone. The stress he is creating by creating unrealistic physical demands and then offering or withholding support and affection makes your symptoms worse.

I'd like to suggest that you purchase a book called "Fibromyalgia for Dummies." Like all of the dummies series, it contains easy to understand information about this nasty syndrome. You can find it online at Amazon. Read it yourself and ask him to read it too. Maybe sharing the book will facilitate some dialog about how both of you can cope/live with chronic illness.

Good luck to you. I hope all the work that you have been doing does not push you into a flare. Take care of yourself.

Recently I had a comment made to my by a fairly new friend. Now mind you she took the time to research fibro and then told me trouble is you are the healthiest looking sick person I have ever met. Until you are around me long enough to see the effects of fibro and to realize we have good and bad times.

I am not making any excuses for your DH but you two are young and it is hard to accept a chronic health condition that is at times is unseen.

Train him now to know you pace and then keep to it. I never work all day without plenty of breaks in the recliner with feet up. By pacing I get more done as then I do not have several days in a row that I am down. DH has had to learn my patterns and realize I get more done that way.

Enjoy your new house and remember you will be there a while so it will get done.

lalab

Hi there, I have your husbands twin.
I have been married 15 years. He wasand has been the same all the time. Just like you said. Sometimes very good. Other times he's like the wicked witch bossing you around. I found this works. Honey when you married me you knew I had health problems, you said you could accept and deal with them. I am sorry but this is one of those times. Do you not think I would rather be helping you fixing our home. it is very hard on me too watch you do it all. But unfortunately this is one of those times when I must rest and take care of myself. However if there is something that you need help with a two person job I will try to gather my strength and help. So in the mean time I just need to rest. Thank you sweetheart your the best. Just cover them in sweetness and go rest. If he still says get up tell him to bugger off your sick....and ignore him for the rest of the day . Just close your door and rest. If you have med's take some. Take your reg. bedtime med's and rest, hopefully that will help. I am here for you isabee

I wish there was a LIKE button here like the one on Facebook.....I would LIKE all these comments. You MUST stop when you need to and rest. Take breaks and PACE yourself, or you'll find a bigger flare will result.

I really LIKE lalab707's comment about training him to know your pace....that has been critical with my hubby. He knows that by 2 pm I usually need some rest. It makes all the difference.

Take your time, and enjoy your new home. It will all get done eventually.

HUGS from down south :)

It's so nice to hear feed back from people who can relate to me. Thank you all so much. I'm still so burnt out from all the work and stress that comes with this house. I think educating my husband more about this illness has now become a necessity for this marriage. I will also pace myself more when it comes to laborious activities..

That's the way you go girl, and just take your breaks when ever. It isn't going any where. Your house will still be there tomorrow. At least I hope so, all of this sandy thing makes me wonder how are those people managing with fibro. Any way I find if I push myself too much then I am down longer, like they all said the key is rest, and don't over do. Train your husband while you can. I doubt mine is trainable but I will keep trying take care isabee

I'm like Cajun Tiger, I would love to have a like button like on Facebook for all these wonderful comments and suggestions.

I have one for you on helping your husband deal with your FMS. When I first came to the group, someone, and I don't remember who it was and I'm sorry about that, recommended a book to me. Fibromyalgia for Dummies. The title sounds a little cruel but the information in it is wonderful! It has helped him in knowing what to look for in me when it comes to a flare. Knowing how to pace myself (learning in my case), is the hardest part at first and I will over-do it simply because it's who I am. I push myself a lot.

I'm in your shoes as well. We are moving in the spring and I'm pretty much in charge of packing and getting the new house ready at the same time. He'll do the major things like plumbing and stuff but the decorating and stuff is up to me. So I'll be doing all of that while still making sure our daughter is doing what she needs to do with school and her horse and her health issues as well.

You are young, learn what you need to do for yourself now and it may not be as hard later. I wish you all the best and please stay with us, we can help you.

Warm Hugs,
Nancy

Its really hard when your young having this illness and certainly puts a strain on your relationship.Try and pace yourself,use heat ,very gentle massage,etc .I also take magnesium for muscle spasms and D-ribose for energy.
Ive been married 25 years and dealing with serious fibro for 10.Just as ive had to change my expectations so has my husband.Its harder for him because men want to "fix" things and of course hes not feeling what im feeling 24/7.Feel free to vent here and ask for advice,you can even message me privatly if you want.Take care...Hugzz...Michelle.